


Some Infinities

by Katiebug445



Category: Free!
Genre: Cancer patient!Makoto, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY 2018!, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, cancer patient!Haru, i promise my next free! fic won't involve death, makoharu - Freeform, more tags/characters to come later!, reigisa - Freeform, tfios au, the fault in our stars au, there'll be some minor rintori later but idk if it'll be enough to have a tag?, this is gonna be angsty guys i'm sorry, we'll see
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-03-18 04:55:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 71,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13674693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katiebug445/pseuds/Katiebug445
Summary: 17 year-old Haruka Nanase has been in remission for a little over a year. His lungs suck at being lungs, his mother is afraid he's depressed, and he thinks a little too much about his inevitable demise. Fearing the worst, his mother enrolls him in a support group for Cancer Kids in hopes it will help Haru cope a little better than he has been. Haru expects to hate it. What he doesn't expect is to meet a very tall boy with kind green eyes and the sweetest smile he's ever seen...





	1. Haruka Nanase and the Cancer Kids Support Group

Haruka Nanase lay in his bed, staring at the dark ceiling, and adjusted the tubes slipping from his nose. He longed for the days before the tubes, before the oxygen tank they were connected to, and before the disease that made his lungs suck at being lungs: the days when he was on the swim team and able to breathe freely. 

  


When Haru was 15, he had been diagnosed with thyroid cancer and metastasis in his aforementioned lungs. This caused him to quit swimming, which to him was a fate worse than his inevitable, and untimely death. He inhaled with the newest trickle of oxygen as it flooded into his body, and turned away from the ceiling. 

  


His eyes fell upon the shelf across from his bed, which held all of the awards from his swimming days. From elementary school, up until his last year of middle school, he’d won medals and trophies, and brought victory for his school three years in a row along with the help of his then-best friend, Rin Matsuoka. They were the saviors of the swim team, and inseparable up until Haru’s diagnosis. After that, Haru stopped replying to texts, letters, and any other attempt that Rin made to speak to him. 

  


The last Haru heard, Rin had moved to Australia to pursue swimming full time. 

  


He shut his eyes, letting out a sigh, and turned over onto his side. He wasn’t supposed to lay like this because of his shitty lungs, but he didn’t really care. Everything felt like it was falling apart around him, and this was the only way to keep himself intact for just a little longer. Haru shut his eyes and curled a little tighter into himself, his chest tight and his heart feeling like it was bleeding out inside of him. 

  


Everything sucked, every _ one _ sucked, and most importantly, his shitty, cancer-ridden body sucked, and it would end up killing him before it was all over. It was a fact he knew, it was a fact he’d accepted in his own little way, and he was just coasting along now, waiting for the inevitable. 

  


Haru lay on his side until he couldn’t breathe, and finally rolled back onto his back, gasping and trying to get air into his lungs. 

  


~~~~

  


“You’re depressed.” 

  


Haru looked up from his cereal, staring at his mother across the table with a blank look on his face. “What do you mean?” 

  


“I’ve been reading up on some stuff online, and you tick off all the symptoms of being depressed.” 

  


Uh-oh. He tried to play it off as nothing and shrugged. “Mom, you can’t believe everything you see onli--” 

  


“I believe what I can see in your face and your actions, Haruka. I’ve known you for seventeen years. I spend _ every day _ with you” She paused for a moment, shaking her head, and swallowed. “You’re moody, you’re anti-social, all you do when you’re not doing homework is sit alone in your room in the dark. That’s not like you.”  She looked at him desperately, trying to get him to understand. “I hate seeing you like this.” 

  


“Okay, so, maybe I am a little upset.” Haru admitted, making a note to try just a little harder to hide it. “But at least this way, I stay home and you know I’m not doing stuff that could kill me faster.” 

  


“That’s not funny.” She said, her lips turning down and exposing every worry line on her face. Haru hated to see this, knowing he was the cause of all of her stress, and it made him feel even worse about Having Cancer. 

  


“What do you want me to do, then?” 

  


His mother took a breath. “You can’t stay trapped in the house all the time, Haruka.” She replied. “It’s not good for you. You need sunshine. You need  _ people.  _ You need to live your life.” 

  


There it was. They’d had this talk several times since his diagnosis, and he didn’t want to deal with it right now. Haru set his spoon down in his bowl, and closed his eyes. He knew his words would hurt, but they needed to be said before this continued. “What’s the point in living a life if I haven’t got much left of one anyways?” 

  


“Haruka…” 

  


“Mom.” 

  


She exhaled, swallowing thickly and taking her time to compose herself before she answered. “You’re not staying here holed up in your room forever, Haru. It isn’t healthy, and I won’t let you sit by and give up like this. There’s a cancer survivor’s youth group that meets on Wednesdays, about ten minutes from here. I signed you up, you’re going next week.” 

  


“Mom!” 

  


His mother silenced him with a look, and Haru slumped back in his chair, defeated. Maybe if he just went once and she realized how much he hated it, she would drop it, and he could go back to coasting. “I called the doctor, and she thinks it will be good for you to get out some and relate to kids your own age again.”

  


Haru weighed his options; she seemed dead set on this, and he didn’t figure there was much he could do to change her mind. He wanted to argue, he wanted to tell her that he didn’t need any more people in his life than the two he already had. He wanted to tell her that this was pointless, and would only exhaust him more than he already was, but, something stopped him. 

  


The look on her face made him pause and reconsider all of it. There was hope, genuine hope, in his mother’s eyes for the first time in years. Haru chewed the inside of his cheek and sighed. The last thing he wanted was to hurt his mother even more than he already had, but he really  _ didn’t  _ feel as enthusiastic about it as she obviously did. 

  


Still, though, it would make her happy, and he didn’t know how many opportunities he’d have to please her. “Fine.” 

  


His mother sighed in relief, reaching out and laying a hand on one of his. “Thank you, Haru. You won’t regret this.” 

  


~~~

  


And that’s how Haru ended up outside the rec center, his oxygen tank gripped tightly in his hand, watching as a small group of other kids gathered together and headed inside. Haru looked back at the place where his mother sat with the car idling, and shot her one last desperate look. She shook her head and pointed to the building, even going as far as to give him the ‘Mom Look’ that he dreaded so much. With a slump of his shoulders, Haru followed in after the gaggle of teenagers, his mouth set in a deep frown as he went. 

  


He kept his distance from the others, following close enough that he wouldn’t lose them, but not close enough that they’d notice him there, and tried to pay attention to the twists and turns they were taking as they hurried back to wherever they were going. 

  


A scream scared the hell out of him and stopped him in his tracks, and, at risk of being left behind by the others, he headed towards the source of the noise. A splash followed, and Haru could see a bit of water fly up and land on the ground. He stood at the door, his heart racing in his chest, and looked inside. He’d managed to find the indoor pool, and a longing deeper than anything he’d ever felt in his life filled his heart. He wanted to be in there, with the other kids, swimming until he was able to sprout gills and say a giant fuck you to his shitty lungs once and for all and hide in the water for the rest of time. His hand touched the glass, and he stood mesmerized by the swimmers for a few moments until someone cleared their throat behind him. 

  


“H-Haruka Nanase?” Haru turned, and was met with a woman slightly shorter than himself, with brown hair and a gentle face. “I’m Miho Amakata, but you can call me Miss A. I’m the leader of the support group. Your mother told us you might be coming. Would you follow me, please?” 

  


Haru spared one more longing look at the pool, then nodded, and followed after Miss A with his oxygen tank dragging behind him. 

  


~~~~

  


Haru sat on the far end, closest to Miss A and the exit, and tried to keep his eyes on her. He could feel every pair of eyes staring at him, and his chest tightened up with panic. Every inch of him was screaming to run, to hide away back in his room and get away from all of these curious glances. He felt like he’d been dropped into a shark tank with blood in the water, completely exposed and helpless with no escape. He dug his fingers dug into his pants to keep from screaming, and he tried his best to keep his breathing even before he had a panic attack right there. 

  


“Okay, um,” Miss A spoke up, “why don’t we go around and introduce ourselves to our new member? Rei, let’s start with you.” 

  


A boy with the oddly colored hair stood up, cleared his throat, and adjusted his glasses. “I’m Rei Ryugazaki. I was one of the lucky ones and was diagnosed with a rare form of eye cancer when I was eight, and lost one in the battle.” He pointed to the right side of his face with a shy smile, and continued. “Thankfully, though, since then, luck really  _ has  _ been on my side and I’ve been in remission since.” 

  


“Thank you for sharing your story with us.” Miss A said as the boy, Rei, sat back down. 

  


And so it continued, each child went on down the line explaining his or her situation, their current status, and then were thanked for sharing with everyone. Haru sat in his chair, counting down the seats until it would be his turn, and began to panic again. 

  


“Haruka, why don’t you introduce yourself to everyone?” 

  


With only a few seconds hesitation, he rose with a nod. Haru got shakily to his feet, took a breath aided by his oxygen, and swallowed. “I-I’m Haru Nanase. I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer when I was fifteen, and I have metastasis in my lungs, which makes my lungs suck at being lungs.” He paused for a moment, and a quiet chuckle rippled through the group. “I-I’ve been in remission for a year and a half, now.” That was all he could bring himself to say, and quickly returned to his chair and began fiddling with the tubes on his tank. 

  


“How are you feeling, Haru?” 

  


He thought about it for a second, and, not wanting to draw too much attention to his near-panic attack, shrugged and said. “I’m okay.” 

  


“Well, Haru, we hope you remain in remission for a very long time.” Miss A said, shooting him a warm smile. “Okay, does anybody else have anything they want to share?” Haru saw a couple hands shoot up out of the corner of his eye, and tried not to pay too much attention at first to what was being said. Soon, though, he found himself lifting his eyes slightly from his bright green tank, and listened curiously to the stories being shared by the others. 

  


By the end, he found himself sympathizing with everyone in the group, and assured Miss A that he would be back next week. 

  


_______________

  


That had been six months ago, and Haru actually was surprised to find himself looking forward to the meetings. He kept to himself and didn’t share much with the group, but he  _ did  _ like listening to what the others had to say. He even found out that he got along well with the Rei dude, and Miss A was always nice. 

  


He hated admitting it, but Haru  _ did _ feel a little better getting out and interacting with others again, and finding a couple people he might have, in better circumstances, considered friends. 

  


****

  


For all intents and purposes, it was a regular Wednesday. Haru woke up, got dressed, did some of his leftover schoolwork, and ate a little bit before the meeting. He got into the car with his mom, his oxygen tank between his legs on the floor, and watched as the world blurred by him from the passenger side. His mother was chattering on about something Haru was only half listening to, but he made the appropriate noises at the appropriate times to give the illusion that he was paying attention.

  


When they pulled up outside the rec center, Haru climbed out, waved goodbye to his mother, and met up with a redhead he’d learned was named Momo and a gray-haired boy named Nitori. 

  


Nitori was new. He’d shown up a couple weeks before, and still had a few nasty scars from his surgery just a three months prior (tumor on his appendix, NEC as of a month ago). Momo had taken him under his wing. Nitori, apprehensively, went along with him, even though Haru and everyone else could tell he didn’t give a damn about the habits of stag beetles, or want anything to do with Momo’s ever-growing collection of them.

  


Haru waved at the two, followed them inside, and in a rare moment of dauntlessness, made use of the cookies and tea set up in the table just off to the side of their circle of chairs. 

  


It was only when he was making his way back to his regular seat, that he noticed the newcomer. 

  


Haru bit a piece off of the cookie hanging from his mouth and stared down the boy. He was big. Like, Giant big. Haru guessed he had to be over six foot. His shoulders were broad like a billboard, and based off the way his shirt clung desperately to his arms, he figured that the dude’s muscles had to be bigger around than his own neck. 

  


He had shaggy brown hair and kind eyes - the kind that would suggest that he wasn’t the people-eating kind of giant - but Haru was still unsure. He chanced another look his way, and had to wonder how many boxes of Wheaties the dude had to eat to get that big. He found himself unable to look away from the newcomer, and only turned when Miss A cleared her throat. 

  


It was then that Haru noticed they weren’t the only ones sitting down, and couldn’t help but wonder if anybody had seen him locked onto the big guy like he had been. He could feel a blush creeping up into his cheeks, and felt the slow, cold hand of anxiety creeping its way up the back of his skull. Hopefully nobody had noticed him being such a creep. 

  


“Thanks to Rei, we have a new member!” Miss A told them when a small girl finally plopped into her seat. “Why don’t you go ahead and tell us about yourself?”

  


The Big Boy got to his feet, and Haru could just tell he was favoring his left leg just a little. Hoping he was being discreet, he looked the guy up and down, trying to figure out what was up with him, while he waited for him to speak. Haru made the mistake of looking at his face, and unfortunately, he noticed the brunette was watching him right back. For a brief moment, the two made eye contact, and then the Giant shot him a smile. Haru felt an uncomfortable pull in his stomach, and immediately turned his eyes away while he composed himself. 

  


The newcomer cleared his throat, and all heads turned to him. “I’m Makoto. Makoto Tachibana. I’m seventeen, and two years ago, I was diagnosed with osteosarcoma. I beat it, but it unfortunately took a little piece of me with it.” He didn’t elaborate, and everyone guessed that he was finished. 

  


“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Makoto. How are you feeling?”

  


“Fantastic!” He answered, and a smile lit up his face like lights on a Christmas tree. Haru could feel himself being drawn towards that light that radiated off of him, but he stopped himself right there. 

  


Positive people didn’t last long here. They’d all learned that very fast in this group. The positive people, the ones who still had  _ hope  _ in their lives, they were the ones that the Big C usually picked off first.

  


Still, though… 

  


Makoto was sitting back down, and Haru caught him staring again. They met eyes again from across the room, and the brunette gave him a little wave of his hand. Unable to stop himself, Haru waved back, and bit down on his cheek to keep from adding a smile with it.

  


Miss A called for everyone to introduce themselves to their newest member, as she did every time, and the routine went on as it always did. When it got to be Haru’s turn, he was very aware of the eyes watching him from under the mop of brown hair, and he willed himself to keep composed until he could get away. “I-I’m Haru. I was diagnosed with stage four thyroid cancer, and the only reason I’m still here is because of experimental drugs and this tank.” he nudged the oxygen tank by his foot. “That’s… pretty much it.” 

  


“Why don’t you tell us about your hobbies, Haru?” 

  


Haru’s eyes flickered over to the tall boy, and found him waiting intently for Haru to continue. He could feel his ears getting warm, but he quickly thought over the things he liked and took a breath. “I like books. I… watch daytime dramas with my mom… and… I used to swim before my lungs decided to suck.” 

  


The brunette perked up at the mention of swimming, and before anybody could ask more of him, Haru sat down and began fiddling with his tubes again. He kept his head down for the rest of the meeting, listening to what was happening but unable to lift his eyes to any of his groupmates. 

  
  


When everything was over for the day, Haru was the first up and out of the room, making his way through the rec center and trying to find the exit. He heard the familiar splashing sounds coming from behind one of the doors, and although he knew that he shouldn’t keep his mother waiting, the call of the water was too much to resist for him. 

  


He looked behind him to make sure he wasn’t being followed by anybody and split off from the path, hurrying over to the door behind which was the pool, and he stood there watching for a few minutes in near silence. 

  


That same itch to get back in the pool hit him again, and he could almost feel the water gliding over his skin as he swam, the pound in his heart as he raced his opponents, and the sound of Rin and the rest of his team cheering him on as he swam for his life. Haru closed his eyes, getting lost in the memories of happier times, and had opted to take a long bath when he got home to sooth that ache as much as he could. It wouldn’t be much, but it would be something, he figured. 

  


“You swam, too?” 

  


Haru nearly jumped out of his skin as the voice cut into his thoughts, and gasped when he saw the new kid standing just a little ways away from him. After he was able to recover, he nodded, his eyes finding the window again. “I did.” 

  


The brunette smiled and closed the distance between them, looking in through the window on the other door. “I was on my school’s team back in middle school; all of us were untouchable in the water.” He said, adding with a sly look, “I had backstrokes for days!” It sounded so silly that it startled a laugh out of Haru. After a quick realization, the taller boy shut his eyes and Haru could see the beginnings of a blush working its way up his neck. “God, that sounded cheesy out loud!” Haru started giggling again, and this time, the other boy joined in. “What did you swim?” 

  


Haru took a breath, watching the swimmers for a moment before answering. “I swam free.”

  


The taller boy nodded, giving him a bit of a sad smile. “I’m sure you were great.” 

  


“I was.” The sudden burst of confidence shocked him, but Haru had to admit that he kind of liked it. 

  


Now it was Makoto’s turn to laugh. “I’m Makoto.” 

  


Haru turned his head, and noticed the taller boy was holding his hand out for him. He took it, giving it a bit of an awkward shake, and found himself drawn back into his eyes. Those eyes that were so full of kindness and genuine curiosity that he couldn’t help but stare. “I’m Haru.”

  


“What’s your full name, Haru?” 

  


Haru blinked. “H-Haruka Nanase.”

  


“Well,” Makoto started, pulling back and taking a few steps away from him. “Here’s hoping that I’ll see you next Wednesday, Haruka Nanase.” 

  


“Same to you.” Haru replied, bewildered by what had just happened. 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm back! I'm so sorry, everyone! This is my second Free! fic and it's gonna go about as good as the last one. I'm building a reputation for myself here... Haha! I hope you enjoy, and if you want more, please drop a comment, or a kudos, or any kind of feedback at all to let me know y'all are interested!!! Thank you for taking the time to read, and have a happy Valentine's day!


	2. What’s Life Without a Porpoise?

Haru lay in his bed that night, staring at the ceiling, with a soft, lopsided smile on his face. He’d talked to a really cute boy, and didn’t make too much of an idiot out of himself! He couldn’t remember the last time that had happened - if it ever had. 

 

When he’d gotten to the car - smiling - his mother’s face had brightened considerably. “Good meeting?” She’d asked.

 

Haru stuck his oxygen tank in the floor in front of his seat and climbed in. “Yeah. It was… really good today.” He couldn’t hide the grin tugging at his mouth.

 

“What was so good about it?” She asked, pulling away from the curb. 

 

He didn’t know what to say. A selfish part of him didn’t want to mention Makoto, at least not yet. He wanted to be greedy and keep the tall boy to himself for just a little bit before he had to confess his existence to everyone. Haru shrugged. “I took Rei in a book, and he seemed really excited. Momo scared the hell out of Nitori with a huge beetle, and we all just talked. Like we do every week.” 

 

His mother took her eyes off the road for a moment and stared at him. “I told you group would be good for you.” 

 

Makoto’s smile flashed through Haru’s mind again and he nodded. “You were right.” 

  
  


Now, looking back on it, he was even more excited for the following Wednesday. With any luck, Makoto would be there again, and they’d have a bit more of an opportunity to talk. Haru really hoped so, especially after finding out that the behemoth of a boy had “backstrokes for days”. The memory of Makoto’s face after he realized what he’d said flashed through Haru’s mind, and he couldn’t fully fight the grin forming on his face. It was every bit as cheesy as Makoto had admitted it to be, but that’s why he’d laughed so hard when he heard it. It was  _ just  _ cheesy enough to work on him, and he wanted to hear every other cheesy thing the taller boy had to say. Immediately. 

 

God, what had happened to him? Just a few months ago, he was ready to give up, to throw in the towel and never leave his room - let alone his house. Now, he had a couple friends, and a really, really cute boy in his support group that he very much looked forward to seeing again at the earliest convenience. 

 

When had he become such a sap? 

 

Haru allowed himself to really smile for the first time in a long while, and closed his eyes. He breathed in with the oxygen as it pumped into his body, and lay on his back, feeling more at peace than he had since before his diagnosis. 

 

~~~

 

Miss A said that Makoto had come there because of Rei. So, that obviously had to mean that Makoto the Giant and Rei were friends. Haru also had Rei’s number… 

 

He sat at the table the following morning, untouched cereal sitting in front of him, staring at the screen as his thumb hovered over the “R” key. Did he really want to do this? Did he want to bother Rei so early in the morning, just so he could weasel the number of his crush out of him? 

 

Yes, yes he did. 

 

Taking a deep breath, Haru sent Rei a quick text, asking if he by chance had the other boy’s number. 

 

**Hey, do you have Makoto’s number by any chance?**

 

A few anxious seconds later, his phone buzzed with a reply. 

 

**_I was wondering how long it would take you to ask. I do have it, but it’ll cost you; you interrupted me during my jog._ **

 

Haru took a breath before responding, feeling a bit bad for his impulsiveness. 

 

**Sorry. We just had gotten to talking yesterday after the meeting about swimming, and it was nice. What’s it gonna cost me?**

 

**_That, and, you thought he was completely and utterly attractive, and wanted to begin your epic journey into a lifelong romance?_ ** **_  
_ ** **_You owe me a day in town; coffee + train ticket._ **

 

**Now you’re getting ahead of yourself, Ryugazaki. But if you fork over the number, I’ll consider it.**

 

Another few seconds went by, and finally, Rei came back with Makoto’s number. Haru saved it in his phone, and thanked his friend a billion times for it, promising him that the following Saturday, they’d make the trip, and Rei wouldn’t have to pay for anything. 

  
  


After they’d finished talking, Haru ate his breakfast, staring down every now and then at his phone. He fought with himself most of the morning about texting Makoto; He really, really wanted to, but he also didn’t want to seem overly desperate. Maybe getting the number this soon wasn’t his smoothest move. Maybe he’d rushed it a little too much, maybe this wasn’t such a good ide--

 

**_Hey, Haru! I talked to Rei this morning, and he said you were asking about me. I’m glad I didn’t scare you off yesterday. How’s your day?_ **

 

Haru could feel his heartbeat in his throat. He stared at the text for a few moments, reading it and rereading it over and over as he thought about what to say. He was glad he didn’t have to worry about trying to come up with something first, and he would have been lying if he said he wasn’t pleased that Makoto must have already decided he wasn’t desperate or crazy, or any other bad thing he’d been thinking of himself.  

 

**Yeah, it’s just not common that you meet someone who has “backstrokes for days”.**

 

**_I have never regretted saying something as much as I regret saying that._ **

 

Haru couldn’t hold back a snort. 

 

**You shouldn’t feel bad. I’m impressed. Does that mean you can backstroke for days at a time like some crazy Energizer Bunny, or…?**

 

A moment passed, and the text bubble indicating that Makoto was typing appeared and disappeared several times before the other boy finally decided on something.

 

**_You laugh, but if you saw that backstroke in person, you’d realize how wrong you are._ **

 

**I’m sure.**

**But in all seriousness, no, you didn’t scare me off. It’s nice to know someone else understands the struggles of having to give up swimming because our bodies decided to cause a mutiny.**

 

**_Stupid bodies. Mine just didn’t understand that I wasn’t finished with my transition to Killer Whale. I wasn’t ready for those legs to fuse yet._ **

 

Again, Haru laughed, and caught himself grinning down at the screen. 

 

**Killer Whale, huh? Sounds intimidating.**

 

**_Well, when you have backstrokes for days, you gotta have an intimidating alias to go along with it to unnerve the competition._ ** **_  
_ ** **_Are you doing anything later? I’d love to keep talking about this, but I have class. Maybe I can talk Rei into coming, too?_ **

 

**Suddenly, being known as the dolphin doesn’t sound so threatening.** **  
** **No, I have some homework to finish up, but after that, I’ll be free. What did you have in mind?**

 

**_Unsure. Was hoping you’d have some suggestion, dolphin boy._ **

 

Haru thought about it for a few moments. It was getting hot enough that being outside for extended periods of time would make breathing even harder, so he wasn’t sure he was up for a walk, or something else strenuous that involved lots of moving. He also didn’t feel exactly comfortable hanging out with Makoto alone in private. Cute and dorky as he was, Haru still hadn’t completely ruled out the possibility of him being an ax murderer. Maybe Rei should tag along with them, and they should be somewhere public, just to be safe… 

 

**There’s an ice cream place not too far from my house?**

 

**_Great! Rei and I will meet you there after school._ **

 

Haru sent one more text with the name of the ice cream place and the address, then set his phone down. He sat back in his spot, feeling a bit breathless. Though this time, he wasn’t sure it was because of his shitty lungs.

 

~~~

 

Haru had insisted that he didn’t need anybody to drive him. He told his mother that he was meeting a couple kids from group nearby, and it was a nice enough day outside that he thought he could handle it on his own. Apprehensive but wanting to give him a little freedom if he was insistent, she let him go. 

 

So, with a quick dozen ‘thank yous’, he started off. 

 

By the time Haru got there, the others were waiting inside for him. With a frown, he hurried along at the fastest pace he could manage, and was panting by the time he got inside. When the door jingled, Makoto looked up, his face brightening considerably when he saw Haru, and got up to greet him.

 

“Did you walk here?” He asked, taking note of how the shorter boy was sucking back air. Haru’s response was a nod, and Makoto helped him over to their table, making sure he was okay before pulling back. “What do you want, I’ll go ahead and get it for you.” 

 

Haru, still gasping a little, turned to Makoto and shook his head. “N..No, that’s… okay…” 

 

“You can pay me back later. You need to sit down for a minute. Whatcha want?” 

 

“St...Strawberry cone.”

“You got it.” 

 

Haru leaned back in his seat, chest rising and falling heavily, and leaned his head against the wall. When he could finally breathe normally, he said a quick hello to Rei, and apologized for interrupting his day once again. 

 

“Oh, I was bound to get dragged into this eventually. He hasn’t shut up about you since yesterday.” The other boy shook his head, giving a good-natured roll of his eyes. “He is absolutely smitten with you, Haru. He actually asked me if you were a regular in group, and when I said yes, he informed me that he would have to make a point to come back.” 

 

Haru snorted, his eyes turning to the boy standing up at the counter. “He’s sweet.” 

 

“He is. Annoyingly so, actually. Sometimes I wonder if he’s even human. There’s nobody on the  _ planet  _ who is actually as good natured as he is. It’s weird.” 

 

Haru snorted. “Leave it to you to find and befriend the one guy in your whole school who’s actually an alien.” 

 

“I know. Lucky me.” Rei replied, eyes going back to his own treat. 

 

After a moment, Makoto came back, laughing to himself, and handed Haru a slightly melty ice cream cone. “The guy working up there is kinda funny.” He told them, gesturing to a small blond handing out ice cream and chatting up anybody who came close. “He grinned when I walked up and told me I was the tallest person he’d ever seen in his life, and that his older sister owed him twenty bucks because he now has proof that giants exist.” Makoto laughed, taking a small bite of his own sundae. 

 

“You’re the tallest person a  _ lot  _ of people have seen in their life, Makoto.” Rei said dryly, taking another bite. 

 

That got another laugh out of the behemoth and Haru found himself staring. He really, really liked the sound of Makoto laughing, and more than that, he liked  _ looking  _ at him laugh. He had a strong urge to be the  _ cause _ of his laughter someday. His heart welled up in his chest, and he couldn’t exactly stifle the smile that pulled at his lips at the sight. 

 

“What about you, Haruka?” Rei asked. “Is Makoto the tallest person you’ve seen in  _ your  _ life, or have you seen taller?” 

 

Makoto met Haru’s eyes, and the smaller boy willed himself not to start blushing now. He took a small lick of his ice cream, thinking about it for a second or two, and finally shrugged. “Makoto is the tallest. And please, just call me ‘Haru’.” 

 

“Huh, I guess the little guy is right. Giants really  _ do _ exist.” Makoto muttered, unable to fully mask his grin. 

 

~~~

 

The afternoon was over too quickly. They’d hung out in the parlor for two hours before Rei realized what time it was, and insisted that he had to get home so he could keep on his schedule and practice for the track team, and Makoto figured he better go, too. 

 

Haru gathered up his tank, and was getting ready to say goodbye to his friends, when Makoto put a hand on his shoulder. “Haru, let me drive you home, okay? You don’t need to be walking that far by yourself.”

 

“No, I’ll be fine.” Haru insisted, trying to ignore his now-racing pulse and how  _ alive  _ the spot where Makoto’s hand still was felt. Like every nerve ending in that area was reaching out to him, to keep the hand there and hold it prisoner forever. “It’s not that far.” 

 

“I’d feel better if I knew you got home safe.” 

 

“Haru, just say yes, I have to go!” Rei cut in. 

 

“Okay. Fine. You can drive me home.” Haru replied, defeat in his voice. “Heaven forbid Rei have to wait five extra minutes for his run.” 

 

“Hey!” 

 

Makoto cackled as they left, and Haru felt that same light-hearted feeling in his chest again. He could definitely get used to that. 

  
  


Makoto Tachibana, as it turned out, was an excellent driver. Rei had informed Haru on the way back that, out of their group of friends at school, Makoto was the only one who could drive, and on a good day, they had at least six people piled into his SUV. Apparently, they’d given him the title of group Soccer Mom. Makoto took it as a compliment. 

 

Haru liked watching Makoto drive. He liked watching his hands on the wheel, how confident they looked there, how easily the vinyl slid through them when he turned, the way the seatbelt, much like everything else he’d seen so far, clung to him in some places, and how focused his eyes - which Haru liked most of all - were on the road ahead of him. 

 

Really, if he were being honest, he liked everything about Makoto, and that list just kept expanding the more time he spent around him. Haru kept his eyes trained on the brunette from the back seat, listening him banter good-naturedly back and forth with Rei, and answered his questions honestly and as cheerfully as he could manage when Makoto asked. 

 

All too soon, the ride was over, and Haru climbed out of the back, gesturing for Rei to roll his window down for a second so he could say goodbye. 

 

Makoto leaned forward a bit, shooting Haru a smile that had all of his insides turning to jelly right there, and Haru waved. “This was nice!” the brunette said. “Would you be up for doing this again next week, the three of us?” 

 

“Sure.” Haru replied, hoping Rei would agree. 

 

“I don’t see why I couldn’t fit it in somewhere.” The other boy said, crossing his arms. “It wasn’t terrible spending the afternoon with you two, even though I do have to admit, the googly eyes you two keep making at each other needs to ease up next time.” 

 

Haru  _ just  _ caught the blush in Makoto’s cheeks after that, and his heart leapt. Maybe it was possible that Makoto liked him, too. Maybe. He wasn’t holding his breath. “I’ll see you guys next Wednesday at support group, right?” Haru asked, trying to spare both Makoto and himself from further embarrassment. 

 

“Definitely.” the brunette replied. “See you then, Haru.” 

 

Haru waved at the both of them as Makoto pulled away, and continued watching as they went off down the road. 

 

He was so screwed. 

 

~~~

 

**_I still feel like I haven’t made up for the atrocities of my opening line with you._ **

 

Haru hadn’t been expecting a text so soon after he’d seen Makoto, but there it was, staring at him from the lock screen on his phone. They’d just finished eating, and the family was sitting together in a rare moment, watching TV together. One of Haru’s dad’s favorite movies was on, and Haru figured it would be nice to humor him for a bit. 

 

Biting the inside of his cheek to keep from grinning, Haru cast a quick look around to see if anybody was paying attention to him, and replied. 

**I told you, you didn’t have to apologize in the first place. It really didn’t come off as bad as you think.**

 

**_I just want you to know, I can do better. I keep replaying it in my head and my entire body wants to curl in on itself from the cringiness._ **

 

Haru snorted, covering it up with a cough. 

 

**That’s impressive; There’s a lot of body there. Your cringe game must be incredibly strong.**

 

**_You have no idea._ **

 

**Does it help that I thought it was funny, and I have been laughing about it since it happened?**

 

Haru waited a few minutes, his eyes wandering back to the TV as he waited on Makoto to reply. He could see the speech bubble pop up several times, then disappear again. He hoped he hadn’t hurt the other boy’s feelings with that, and he was about to type an apology when a message finally came through. 

 

**_Well, in that case, I did it on porpoise, dolphin boy._ **

 

That did it. Haru let out a startled laugh, and excused himself for a moment while he got himself under control. When he was out of earshot of his parents, he decided to call Makoto and tell him what he thought about his dumb pun over the phone. He picked up on the second ring. 

 

“God, that was even worse!” His voice was muffled, and Haru could only imagine what he was doing at the moment. His best guess, Makoto’s face was buried in a pillow, or a hand, or something that would attempt to shield him from the cringiness of the moment. 

 

Haru just laughed. “I have to give you credit. You just keep getting cheesier as the days go on.” 

 

“I know, I’m so sorry. I promise I can do better.” 

 

“No!” Haru yelled, just a bit too loud. “I like it. It’s not something you see every day.” 

 

“There’s a reason for that, Haru!”

 

Haru just laughed again, and he tried in vain to keep quiet. “Well the reason is wrong. Because if more people were cheesy like you, the world would be a better place.” 

 

Makoto was quiet for a moment, and Haru wondered if he’d said something to upset him, when finally he heard him breathe a laugh. “I think that’s one of the nicest things anybody’s ever said to me.”

 

“Well, it’s true.” Haru said, trying to keep himself from cracking up. “I guess you might even say that being a dorky joke teller is your porpoise in life.” 

 

“Haru, ugh!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dorkoto strikes again! Maybe someday he'll properly learn how to flirt!  
> Hope everyone is still enjoying this. I know it's kinda just coasting along right now, but it will pick up soon, I promise!


	3. The Night of the Broken Trophies

__

Makoto had become a pretty much constant fixture in Haru’s life in just a few short days. He usually woke up to a late-night text from the other boy, usually containing at least one bad pun, and it always made his days a little better to get them. He would smile and fire back with a witty remark of his own, which usually warranted a phone call about how mean he was for not letting those jokes pass by unnoticed. Haru would just laugh, and promised that as long as Makoto kept sending them, he would throw them back in his face. It was a stalemate. 

And Haru would have been lying if he said he didn’t enjoy every second of it. 

__  
  


One afternoon, while talking with his mother over lunch, his phone rang. Makoto’s number flashed up on the screen, and Haru awkwardly fumbled with his phone for a second while trying to get it. “Hello?” He answered, breathless. 

“Haruka Nanase.” 

“Haru.” Haru corrected. 

“Okay, fine,  _ Haru,  _ I have a question for you.” 

Haru’s eyes flickered to his mother, and turned away from her. “Yes?” 

There was a slight pause while Makoto spoke to someone in the background, and Haru could just hear the sound of a small little voice arguing with him. “Ren, I said no. Maybe later, okay?” A small little whine, and then silence. “Sorry, my brother wanted something. Anyways, my question: Would you be up for coming over for dinner tonight? My parents are dying to meet the infamous Haru who won’t let my bad puns die as they should.” 

Haru choked on a sip of water and gasped for breath, unable to get enough air into his lungs to steady him. He could faintly hear Makoto swearing in between apologies, and his mother was hovering over him like a mother hen. Eventually, he got his breath back, and steadied himself against the sink. “Hang on.” He interrupted, stalling Makoto’s hundredth apology. “Mom, Makoto from group wants to know if I can eat with him and his family tonight, is it okay if I go?” 

Haru watched as his mother chewed her lip, drumming her fingers against the table while she thought. After what felt like an hour, she finally sighed and said, “Be home by ten. Not a minute later.” 

“I guess I’m joining you guys.” Haru said, his heart lightening a bit at the thought of seeing Makoto again. 

“Awesome! I’ll come pick you up at five. Is that okay?” 

“Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll see you then.” 

“See ya later.” 

Makoto hung up the phone, and Haru turned to his mother. She was waiting there, arms folded, with a quizzical look on her face. “So who’s Makoto?” 

Haru set his phone down and gave her a quick explanation, taking care to make it seem as neutral as possible. “He’s really nice. You and Dad will like him a lot, I promise.” 

“We’ll see.” 

~~~~

Haru was back in his room, several outfits laid out in front of him on his bed, and a hand hovering nervously back and forth over them. He wanted to look nice. He wanted to impress Makoto’s family, and be approved of, and live up to whatever expectations the other boy had set for him. He wanted this, but he also wanted to curl up in his giant, blue, hoodie and a pair of sweat pants and not do anything except spend the night in his room and text with Makoto back and forth. 

_ But,  _ he thought to himself,  _ If you go, you get to spend time with him in person.  _ Haru sighed. “Dammit,” he said, going back to trying to pick out something to wear. Finally, he decided on an orange shirt he was told brought out his eyes, and a pair of khakis. That would have to do. 

He changed, got his shoes on, and went back downstairs to wait. He still had two hours to kill, and there was nothing else for him to do except panic. What if he was too quiet? What if they didn’t like him  _ because _ he was too quiet? What if he gave the wrong impression? What if he worded something wrong and deeply offended the entire family and he wouldn’t be allowed to see Makoto anymore? What if he got too nervous in front of the family and Makoto decided he didn’t want to spend time with someone so awkward who deeply offends family members and barely says two words to anybody? 

Haru clutched the couch cushions around him and wheezed a breath, trying to keep his anxiety in check before he went catatonic. His hands shook violently, and his heart hammered against his ribcage as he tried to get a grip. This was too much. He was going to have to call Makoto and cancel.

He couldn’t do this right now, or ever. Maybe if he pulled away right now, it wouldn’t hurt too bad that he couldn’t ever see Makoto again. Maybe--

Haru heard his phone buzz, and he looked down at it, a small bit of his panic ebbing away as he picked it up. 

**_Would it be okay if I came a little earlier? We can just hang out if you want?_ **

Taking a quick second to calm down a little bit more, Haru typed out an approval, and leaned back in his seat. Makoto would be there soon, and they’d be able to talk, and he would calm down when he saw the other boy’s smile, and he wouldn’t have to worry about anything until 5:00. 

Haru sat there for a minute, allowing himself to catch his breath, and then got up and went to find his mom to tell her the newest developments. 

~~~~

He sat on his couch again, this time accompanied by his mother, and waited. Makoto had sent him a text saying he was on his way, and Haru could feel his pulse racing as the seconds ticked down. The clock on the wall was obnoxiously loud, and it was making him antsy as they sat in silence. Every tick of that clock brought another worry to his mind, and he was having a hell of a time keeping it all down. 

What if  _ his  _ parents didn’t like  _ Makoto?  _ What if they didn’t want him hanging around with the brunette? What if they--

A knock on the door broke through Haru’s thoughts, and he had never been happier. He got to his feet, knocking his oxygen tank around behind him as he hurried over to open it. A bit breathless from the ever-growing panic and the what-felt-like a sprint over to the door, Haru smiled at the very tall, very happy and handsome boy standing there. “Hi.” He said. 

“Hi.” Makoto replied. 

Haru moved so he could step in, and led the way back to the living room so his mother could meet him. “Mom, this is Makoto. Makoto, this is my mom.” 

Makoto immediately rushed forward to meet his mother, and Haru stood back while he shook her hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Nanase. Haru speaks very highly of you.” 

“He’d better.” His mother said, shooting him a teasing look. She shook Makoto’s hand, and stepped back. “It’s very nice to meet you, too, Makoto. Haru said he met you in support group?” 

“Yes, ma’am. I started going a few weeks ago at the insistence of my friend Rei.” He stood there, a bit awkwardly for a moment, not really knowing what to do with himself, until Haru came up behind him and guided him to the couch. 

“You can sit down, you know.” Haru said, taking the spot beside him. 

Makoto’s face went red, and he started fumbling out apologies and promises that he wasn’t trying to be rude, and it made Haru realize something: Makoto was every bit as scared as he was. 

“Makoto,” his mother started, making the tall boy pause his ramblings. “Do you mind me asking what type of cancer you had? Haru said you lost a leg, but he said he couldn’t remember what kind it was.” 

“Oh, not at all, Mrs. Nanase!” Makoto insisted, glad to have the subject on something so he didn’t feel he had to babble. “It’s called osteosarcoma. It’s a type of bone cancer, it starts in the cells and works its way out. A-And Haru’s right, I did lose a leg to it. But so far, that’s the only thing. Hopefully, it’ll stay that way, too.” 

“Here’s hoping.” His mother agreed. “Haruka also told me you used to swim.” 

“He’s right about that, too. I have since I was a little kid, but in middle school, I got on the team, and we actually did pretty good. I got on my first year of high school, too. Then, I started getting a lot of pain in my leg, and it got harder to swim. I finally went to the doctor, and, well… I couldn’t swim competitively after that.” 

“He had backstrokes for days.” Haru added, smirking. 

“ _ Haru _ !” Makoto blushed, scandalized. “You weren’t supposed to bring that up anymore!” 

Haru put up his hands in surrender. “I’m just repeating the information you gave me. My mom has a right to know everything I do.” 

Makoto blushed an even deeper red, and put his head in his hands for a brief moment, muttering something to himself about regretting ever opening his mouth, and, over his very large shoulders, Haru saw his mom smile and give him a thumbs up. 

_ Thank you.  _ He mouthed to her. 

With a knowing smile, she got to her feet and cleared her throat. “Can I get you anything, Makoto? Some tea, or water...?” 

When the taller boy looked up, his cheeks were still bright pink, and he shook his head. “N-No, thank you, ma’am, I’m okay.” 

“Just let me know.” With that, she took her leave, and left the two alone on the couch. 

Makoto leaned back in his seat, scrubbing his hands across his face, and sighed. When he pulled them back, he stared at Haru, a nervous look on his face. “Well, that couldn’t have gone worse. I’m sorry, I completely panicked, and now you probably think I’m a huge dork.” 

“I’ve  _ always _ thought you were a dork.” Haru admitted, smirking again. “But that’s exactly why I like you.” 

That seemed to have the strangest effect on the brunette. He looked relieved, confused, and even more nervous than he was before. “I… thank you?” 

“You’re welcome, Dorkoto.” 

Makoto hid his face again, and groaned, causing Haru to crack up. 

~~~

5:00 rolled around a lot quicker than Haru had expected it to. His father had gotten home a little early, and was able to meet the strange boy in his living room that his son seemed to shadow, and after an awkward introduction and another rambling apology from Makoto later, Mr. Nanase excused himself and went to find his wife for a further explanation, and opinion on if they liked this kid or not. 

Twenty minutes and a quick reassurance to his parents that Makoto was a safe driver later, the boys were off, and Haru’s nerves were getting to him again. He sat quietly in the passenger seat, listening to Makoto ramble about his family, and what he should expect, and fiddled with the handle of his oxygen tank in an attempt to distract himself from his budding anxiety. 

The ride over was a lot quicker than Haru had anticipated, and all too soon, they were stopped in front of a nicer looking house. Panic hit him like jumping into an icy lake in the middle of winter, and he breathed in along with his oxygen to steady himself. 

“Haru?” Makoto asked, startling him out of his thoughts. “Are you okay?” 

Haru turned, meeting the other boy’s eyes, and swallowed. Makoto looked genuinely concerned about him, and it showed easily all over his face, from the creases in his skin, to the look in his eyes. Mustering up all the courage he could, Haru nodded. “Just a little nervous.” He admitted, opening the door. “But I’m fine.” 

Makoto unfolded himself from the driver’s side and hurried around, helping Haru out of the car with only minimal awkwardness. When he was out, the taller boy put a hand on his shoulder, and gave him an encouraging smile. “They’ll love you, don’t worry.” 

Haru nodded again, and followed Makoto up to the front door. 

As soon as they got to the front step, the door swung open, and two small children ran out, tackling Makoto with a loud cry of “BROTHER!”, and all three of them toppled to the ground. 

There was an explosion of giggles, and Haru stood by, eyes wide and still trying to process what had just happened. Makoto had gotten to his feet, and was being shadowed by two small children, both of whom were staring at Haru with apprehension on their small faces. “Who’s that?” the boy asked, pointing at him. 

“This is Haru, guys.” Makoto said patiently, an excited smile on his face as he stared at the kids. “Do you remember me telling you about him?” They nodded, and took a couple steps closer. “Haru, this is my brother and sister, Ran and Ren.” 

“Hello.” Haru replied, giving the children a small, nervous wave. 

The kids broke out in matching grins, and began to rush at him, but Makoto hurried to stand between them. “Be gentle, guys. Don’t knock the tubes out of his nose, okay? Or knock over the green thing. He needs those. And don’t squeeze him too tight, Ran!” 

Haru looked down and saw that the girl had sneaked around behind her older brother and was hugging him around the waist in greeting. “Ran’s heard a lot about Mr. Haru.” She said, looking up at him with her giant, teal eyes. 

“I’ve heard a lot about you, too.” Haru said, unsure of what to do. He’d never been fantastic with children, especially children he didn’t know. Especially children he didn’t know who attached themselves to him immediately. The girl grinned and finally released him, hurrying over to her twin, and ushered him inside. That left he and Makoto alone again. 

Makoto seemed to reclaim some of that awkward tension he’d had back at Haru’s, and the smaller boy couldn’t help but laugh a little at him. “They seem sweet.” he said. 

“They are, I promise. Just a little… clingy. I’ll try to keep them off of you as much as I can.”

“I’ll be okay.” Haru said, closing the distance between the two of them and laying a hand on the taller boy’s shoulder. “Just as long as they don’t call me ‘Mr. Haru’. It makes me feel old.” Makoto’s cheeks went pink again, and he started with the apologies as he ushered Haru into the house. 

__  
  


There were a handful of differences between the two houses that Haru could see right off the bat. For one, Makoto’s house looked a  _ tad  _ more lived in than his own; toys were scattered here and there, artwork from the twins was hung up in random spots, broken crayons and pencils were scattered here and there, toys and stuffed animals arranged haphazardly on the ground, and Haru loved it. It was a happy sort of chaos that he’d always kind of wanted, and he immediately wanted to crawl inside of this world and stay forever. 

The second thing was that silence didn’t exist in this house. Feeding back into the chaos, there were sounds of games and phones, and every now and then a scream or a shout coming from one of the kids. 

The third, and possibly the most important, was that hung and placed everywhere he could see, were positive sayings ranging from super cheesy to things Haru actually thought he could take to heart. 

After a moment of looking around and listening to Makoto start apologizing for the mess, then frantically begin to clean said mess, Haru made his way over to one of the more cheesy ones (“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain”), and the corner of his lip tugged up into a smile. In some weird way, it fit. Everything about this house fit everything that Makoto was, and it was everything Haru could have asked for. 

“Oh, you saw those?” Makoto asked, straightening himself up and looking a little embarrassed. “My mom calls them ‘encouragements’, and they’re supposed to help keep things… I don’t know, positive?”

“I love it.” Haru said, turning fully to the taller boy. “It’s weirdly you.” 

“Oh good.” He sighed, his expression lightening up just a little. “I was afraid you would think it was dumb.” Makoto led Haru over to their couch, and sat down, gesturing for Haru to join him. He did, and began looking around the room again. 

Sandwiched in between all of the Encouragements were pictures of the three kids. Ran and Ren’s baby pictures, Makoto’s baby pictures, pictures of Makoto in middle school surrounded by other kids with wet hair and swimming suits dripping onto the floor. A few photos of Makoto in a hospital bed giving a double thumbs up, high school photos… 

“You were a cute kid.” Haru told him honestly. 

“I swear, I don’t know what happened. I blame the chemo.” Makoto replied, attempting to joke. 

“Happens to the best of us.” Haru replied, eyes landing on an Encouragement that had him laughing a bit (“Be a nice human!”).

“Not you.” 

“Hmm?” 

“It didn’t happen to you. You’re still…” Makoto swallowed, “attractive.” 

Haru turned away, trying to hide the color in his cheeks, and went back to reading the silly sayings on the wall (“A new day, a new start!”, “Be happy and smile.”) while he tried to get a handle on himself. “It didn’t happen to you, either.” He muttered, keeping his eyes away from the other. 

“Haru…” 

“Makoto!” Both heads turned, and in the doorway stood a woman who Haru immediately could tell was Makoto’s mother. Her hair was darker, and her eyes were darker green, but she had the same smile, the same kindness in every inch of her face, and happiness radiated off of her very being. “Oh, you must be Haruka! Makoto has told us so much about you.” 

“Yes, ma’am. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Haru replied, getting up to shake her hand. His anxiety was fighting to claw its way up, but he was trying to focus on the boy beside him instead. 

“Likewise! Makoto has told us all so much about you, it’s nice to finally put a face to a name.” 

“Has he, now?” 

“Every day after school, he gives us updates on what’s going on in your world, and how much he looks forward to seeing you again, and the meetings, and how you used to swim, and any little thing he can think of to say.” 

“Mom!” Makoto squeaked, his face bright red again. “You don’t have to tell him that.” 

“I think it’s only fair, considering he’s the one that’s being talked about so much.” 

Haru decided to show him some mercy, and turned attention away from the taller boy. “I want to say thank you for inviting me over, Mrs. Tachibana.” 

“It’s not a problem, Haruka. We’re always happy to have company.” 

Haru nodded, giving her a small smile, and turned his eyes away, feeling a bit awkward all of the sudden. 

“Uh, Mom, I’m gonna show Haru around a little. Call us when dinner’s ready, okay?” 

“Of course. Have fun, boys!” 

~~~

The Encouragements were scattered all through Makoto’s house, in every corner of every room, and Haru was endlessly amused by it all. He vowed to, when he got home, to suggest the idea to his own parents and see if they would go for it. If nothing else, he might have to decorate his own room a bit just for the hell of it.

Makoto’s bedroom was in the basement, and Haru stared at the steps nervously before going down them. He wondered if he would have any trouble getting back out, or if he’d be able to do it without showing Makoto how weak his lungs really were. 

The first thing Haru noticed were the trophies - everywhere he looked were trophies from swimming, covering the shelves on the walls and the desk that also housed a laptop and a lamp. Haru looked around, nostalgia for his own swimming days hitting him like a ton of bricks, and he leaned against the wall while taking it all in. 

“Part of me wants to get rid of these.” Makoto spoke, taking a seat in the desk chair. “All they’re doing is collecting dust, and besides, the trophies aren’t the important part; it was the experience.” 

“What about the other part?” Haru asked, taking a couple breaths to steady himself.

Makoto’s eyes found the glimmering, painted-gold things, and a sad smile played on his lips. “The other part is, that they’re a reminder that I was good at something once. And… maybe someday I could be good at something again.” 

Haru didn’t know what to say to that. He understood it, of course he did, but at the same time, he didn’t see the point in torturing yourself with used-to-be’s like this. 

“You can sit down if you need to.” The taller boy said, cutting into his thoughts and gesturing to his bed. Gratefully, Haru took him up on the offer, and sank down into the mattress. “Do you miss it?” 

“Every day. It was the one place that I felt completely at peace. Like I didn’t have anything to worry about, or be scared of. I was able to block all of that stuff out; I could just  _ be _ for a little while. That was always worth more to me than competing.” 

Makoto just smiled, getting up after a moment and joining Haru on his bed, and looked around his room. “You’re unlike anybody I’ve ever met, Haru.” 

“I hope that’s not a bad thing.” 

“It’s not.” Makoto insisted. “It’s a very, very good thing.” 

Things fell silent for a few minutes, Haru feeling a little awkward that he couldn’t come up with anything to say to that, and finally cleared his throat. “I wish I could have swam with you before my lungs started to suck.”

“You think you could have kept up?” Makoto challenged. 

“I know I could have. Your backstrokes have nothing on my freestyle.”

“Oh, really?” 

“Really.” 

“I beg to differ, but okay.” 

“Okay.” Haru laughed, turning just a little so he could see the taller boy. 

~~~

Dinner went nothing like Haru expected. He didn’t humiliate himself in front of Makoto’s family, they didn’t immediately hate him, and he didn’t get thrown out of the house on account of his quiet nature making everyone so horrifically uncomfortable that he was never spoken of again. In fact, it went so well, that he was invited back any time he needed a break from home. 

He was surprised when Makoto plopped into the seat right beside him, almost as a buffer against everyone, and gave him a reassuring smile. The normal Cancer Questions started (although, Haru expected everyone knew the answers thanks to the brunette boy with a gentle smile), and Haru answered them as informative as he could. Then the questions about swimming came, which always made him a bit more animated. Haru didn’t realize he’d been rambling on about swimming for nearly a half hour, until he caught a glimpse of the clock. Anxiety started creeping its way up his back, and he was about to begin to apologize, when Makoto prompted him to continue. 

“It’s been so long since we’ve had a good conversation about it, it’s nice to hear again.” 

Haru nodded, giving him a thankful smile, and continued his story, though this time he kept himself more in check about the length he’d went on about it. 

After the dishes were cleared, and Haru’s request to help clean up had been declined, Makoto came to request his company once again in the basement. Haru accepted, and the two disappeared down the stairs. 

Haru sat on Makoto’s bed, eyes closed and a shaky breath escaping his mouth. 

“Are you alright, Haru?” 

Haru nodded. “Yeah… I just expected that to go a lot worse than it did.” 

“What do you mean?”

He swallowed, taking a moment to collect himself before he answered Makoto. “I mean, I’m not good at this stuff. Talking to people, getting people to like me, I’m not… There’s a reason I don’t have friends.” 

“I’m your friend.” 

“Yeah, but you’re weird.” 

“Fair, but ouch.” 

“See!” Haru exclaimed. “This is what I mean! I’m not cut out for this shit.” 

Makoto just smiled, getting to his feet and holding out his hand for Haru to take. “You sell yourself too short, Haru. You’re a lot better at making friends than you think you are. If not, you wouldn’t have made such fast friends of Rei and I. And Miss A.” 

“Yeah, but--” 

“No. You’re in the House of Encouragements, Haruka Nanase. Self-doubt doesn’t survive here. Just believe what I say is true and move on.” 

Haru shot him a look, but said nothing. Maybe he wouldn’t take the idea to put these up in his house after all. Not if they could be used against him like this; It would be self-sabotage. He did take the offered hand, though, and got to his feet. “I should probably get you home, huh? It’s gotta be getting close to nine.” 

“Maybe, but--” 

And that was when they heard it. The front door slam open, then closed, a grunt, followed by the fast removal of shoes, the stomps on the stairs, and then suddenly Rei was there. His face was red and blotchy, his nose was running, and he looked downright furious. 

Finally, Makoto dropped Haru’s hand and took a step forward, approaching with caution just in case Rei decided to snap. “Rei, you alright, buddy?” 

“I’ve spent the whole day doing the math, and the only way to lessen the damage that I inflict on others is for me to die alone.” 

Makoto and Haru exchanged a look, and then back to their friend. “That’s dumb.” Haru said. 

“No it isn’t, Haruka! You don’t know what happened.” 

“W-Well, maybe start by telling us!” Makoto interjected, getting between the two. “Rei, take the chair, Haru and I will listen if you want to talk.” 

Rei plopped into the desk chair, his head in his hands, and Haru and Makoto took seats close enough to each other that their knees were brushing on the bed. Haru glanced quickly at the brunette’s face to make sure it was okay to be that close, but Makoto didn’t seem bothered by it at all. He allowed himself to relax, and absentmindedly fiddled with the hand grip on his oxygen tank. 

After a moment, Rei finally came out of his ball, took a breath, and began. “You know how Sera has always kind of been put off by my eye?” He asked, getting a nod from Makoto. “Well, that finally came to a head today.” 

“What happened?” Makoto prompted, after it seemed Rei didn’t want to continue.

“I was doing a warm up lap. As I’ve done every day since joining the team. For some reason, today it seemed hard to get my legs to go, and I tripped. And I fell really hard. Well, the force of the impact caused my eye to pop out, and go rolling down the track. The members who didn’t know found out, and the ones who  _ did  _ know - Sera - were so disgusted, they wouldn’t even look at me. He grabbed my eye for me, brought it back, and said we needed to talk.” 

“Oh no.” 

“Oh yes, my friend.” 

“What?” Haru asked, looking at them, confused.

“‘The talk’,” Makoto explained. “It’s something all of us have gone through at one point or another. When someone decides that dating a Cancer Kid just isn’t worth it anymore, for whatever reason, and…” 

“He told me that he couldn’t put up with it anymore. It was weird enough when we first got together, and even though he forgot about it sometimes, when he’d remember, it would weird him out and he wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it for weeks at a time. And it would be  _ all  _ he’d think about. Today, after it escaped, it was the final straw. He got freaked out, and said he couldn’t be with someone  _ like me,  _ and that we needed to see other people. Effective immediately.” 

Haru didn’t see when Rei had grabbed the trophy off the desk, but it was in his hands now, and they were shaking with rage. “It’s not fair!” Rei said, throwing the thing to the ground and watching as it shattered. He grabbed another one, and did the same thing. He reached for a third one, and Makoto got to his feet, grabbing Rei by the wrist, and gave him a look mixed with upset and worry. “Rei, h-how about we don’t destroy my trophies, okay? I worked hard for those.” 

“Yeah, he backstroked for days to get those.” 

“ _ Haru! _ ” Makoto yelled, face flushed red. “Rei, how about instead, you take out your anger on the world with this?” He reached behind him and grabbed a pillow off the bed, carefully handing it to his friend. “That way, you can punch it all you want, and you’re not destroying my room.” 

Instead of punching it like instructed, Rei shoved it to his face and began to scream. Makoto gave Haru a look and helped him to his feet again, and led him to the door. “He’ll be doing that for awhile, you don’t have to stick around for it if you don’t want.” 

“I’d be lying if I said I’m enjoying his misery.” 

“That’s what I thought. Hey, Rei. Rei!” 

The screaming stopped for a second, but he didn’t lift his head from the fabric. 

“I’m gonna run Haru home really quick, then I’ll be back. Just… if you need to, keep screaming. Just  _ please  _ don’t break anything else.” 

Makoto had opened his mouth to speak again, when the screaming resumed, and he figured it was time to go. Makoto took to the stairs first, getting up a few steps before holding his hand out to Haru, and helping him up. They could still hear him from the top of the steps with the door closed behind them. 

The two were quiet for a moment, just listening to their friend’s agony, when they started to giggle. The absurdity of the situation was finally catching up with them, and they didn’t stop laughing until after they were in Makoto’s car, halfway back to Haru’s place. 

__  
  


When they pulled up, Makoto jumped out, holding the door open for Haru and helping him out, as he’d done before, and walked him up to the door. “Aside from Rei’s interruption, this was really fun. I think everyone really liked you.” 

“I really liked them, too. I had fun.” 

“I’m so glad! I was worried you’d be put off by the chaos.” 

“My life is chaos, Makoto. It was nice to step into someone else’s for a little bit.” 

“Cool.” Makoto replied, feeling insanely awkward. He shuffled his feet nervously, knowing he needed to get back before Rei destroyed his house, but not really wanting to say goodbye just yet. 

Instead, the two stood in silence for a little, only broken when Haru realized they would probably do this forever if it wasn’t stopped soon. “Text me later, okay? When you get Rei to calm down. Let me know how he is.” 

“I will.”

Silence fell again, and the two just stood there, looking for any excuse to stay just a little longer. “This is ridiculous.” Haru said nervously.  “I’d roll my eyes at us, but I think Rei already did that enough today.” 

Stunned for the second time in just a few seconds, Makoto began to laugh. He laughed harder than Haru had ever seen thus far, and his entire body felt lighter than air. That was all he’d wanted since day one, to make Makoto happy. 

“Yeah… Same… Night, Haru.” 

“Night, Makoto.” 

They waved goodbye, and Haru stepped inside, leaning against his closed door for a moment to really let it sink in that all of that had just happened, then headed up to bed. 


	4. Enter Nagisa

Rei had decided to give up on love. He tearfully made the announcement in group the following Wednesday, and insisted that it was better that way. Haru thought he was jumping the gun a bit, but he didn’t say as much. 

 

Rei sat back down, and the room fell silent until Miss A finally recovered from the bit of awkwardness and cleared her throat. “Okay, so, who wants to go next? Haru, what about you?” 

 

Haru got to his feet and went through the regular introductions, then paused, unsure of what to add. “I…” he started, floundering a bit. His eyes scanned the room, panic rising in his chest, and tried to find something - anything - to focus on. He found Makoto, and the pressure began to lift. “I met the family of a good friend this week, and it was nice.” 

 

He saw the other boy smile, and some of the pressure building in his chest loosened up. He waited for Miss A to ask how he was doing, and with a tiny little grin, he replied, without tearing his eyes away from the brunette, “I’m okay.” 

 

~~~~

 

**_Haru!_ **

 

His phone buzzed a little after midnight the following night. Haru blinked sleepily, groping for his phone in the dark. He shut his eyes against the light, and immediately turned the brightness all the way down before it blinded him. If it hadn’t been Makoto, he wouldn’t have bothered at all. 

 

**What’s up? It’s late, is everything okay?**

 

The speech bubble immediately came up as the other boy was typing, and Haru sat up a little, willing himself to stay awake until he saw what was going on. His brain churned out a thousand things that could be wrong, and he tried to will Makoto to type faster so he could figure out what was going on.

 

**_I was sitting in my room reading and I heard a big commotion outside. I got up, went out, and there was a tiny kitten getting the crap beat out of it by a big tom cat. I don’t know what to do, she’s hurt, and I can’t take her to the vet until morning. What should I do?_ **

 

A cat? That’s what this was about? Haru blinked again, reading the message back over a couple more times and trying to figure out what to say. Makoto sent a photo of the kitten, and Haru saw why he was so worried; the kitten had two deep gashes on its neck where he guessed the tom had tried to get her, a cut over one eye, and several deep red spots on her small, white back. 

 

**Well, first off, I’d get to work on the cuts on her neck. Those look bad.**

 

**_She doesn’t want me to touch them. I don’t know what to do, I don’t want her to die._ **

 

Haru knew he shouldn’t have suggested it, but Makoto seemed genuinely freaked out, and he didn’t like it. He looked at his clock again, and really, midnight wasn’t  _ too  _ late, was it? Maybe he could do something to help… 

 

**Makoto, bring her over here. I’ll help you with her. There’s a spare key under the mat, let yourself in. I’ll meet you downstairs in a few.**

 

**_It’s so late, though, Haru. I don’t want to keep you awake._ **

 

**It’s fine, just hurry. I’ll tell my mom what’s going on in the meantime.**

 

**_Okay._ **

 

**Okay.**

 

Haru set his phone down and, with some difficulty, unhooked himself from the sedentary breathing machine he was hooked up to while he slept, and stuck the tubes from his portable tank in his nose. He crawled out of bed and picked his discarded blue hoodie off the floor, slipping it on over his head, and padded across the house to his parents’ room. 

 

He told his mother something had happened, Makoto was coming over, and they’d be downstairs. She sleepily asked if everything was okay, and Haru shrugged a response. He promised he’d be a gentleman, and then went back to his room for a moment. It was chillier than he thought outside of his blankets, so he threw on an old pair of sweats, and grabbed one of the handmade blankets his mom had given him one year for his birthday, then headed downstairs with his phone. 

 

Makoto wasn’t there yet, so to save him some trouble, Haru went ahead and unlocked the door. Then he went to sit on the couch while he waited. A few moments later, headlights lit up the dark house, and Haru got up to let the taller boy in. 

 

Makoto, in short, looked like he’d been through hell. His usually neat hair was unkempt and standing straight up, his eyes were wide with panic, and the worry lines on his face seemed much too deep for someone of only seventeen. 

 

Haru stepped aside while Makoto came in, holding a bundle of towels in his arms. “Put her on the couch,” Haru instructed, leaving the room for a moment while he went to find the things they needed. Peroxide, some clean rags, bandages, maybe some antibacterial cream… he wasn’t sure, but it sounded medical, and that had to count for something, right? 

 

“Hold her while I clean those up,” he said, and Makoto picked the lump up, holding her securely but lovingly in his arms. Haru got to work cleaning the cuts, and apologized several times when the kitten mewled in pain. Makoto was doing his best to keep her calm, and, under better circumstances, his heart would have melted seeing him treat the kitten with so much love. 

 

It took nearly twenty minutes until he was satisfied, but when he was done, he slathered the cuts in cream and covered them with bandages. Then came all the rest of her injuries. 

 

By the time they were done and the kitten was calmed down, it was nearly 1:30 in the morning, and they were both exhausted. Makoto slumped against the couch, and Haru sat up with the kitten in his lap, petting her gently. After a few moments, Haru looked up, and saw the brunette had fallen asleep. Not having the heart to wake him, he carefully got to his feet, still holding the kitten in his arm, and placed the blanket he brought down on top of Makoto. 

 

The last thing Haru wanted to do was leave him, but he knew sleeping wouldn’t be easy with the tubes in his nose that could so easily be knocked out if he moved. Haru sat up with the kitten and Makoto for a few more minutes, eyes flickering between both of them occasionally, before he finally gave in. The call of sleep was too strong for him to resist any longer. 

 

Haru wrote out a note and stuck it beside the other boy’s phone explaining that he should just crash there for the night, and that the kitten was doing okay. 

 

Haru went back up to bed, set the kitten down on his mattress, and hooked himself back up to the other breathing machine. The noises made her really nervous, and he supposed that was okay after the ordeal she’d just been through. Haru assured her that she was okay, offering a comforting hand out to her to sooth her worries a bit. He stayed up with her as long as he could, but all too soon, he was being pulled under by the gentle hand of unconsciousness. 

~~~~

 

Haru was woken up the following morning by a gentle boop to the forehead. He cracked one eye open, and the small, white, kitten had untangled herself from the mess of towels she’d been wrapped in, and was wanting something. Tiredly, Haru sat up, blinking, and unhooked himself from the machine. 

 

As he was getting up, his mother knocked and opened the door. “So what was all that about last night?” she asked quietly. 

 

“Makoto found this kitten,” he explained. “She would have died if he didn’t do something. He was freaked out and needed help.”

 

“And he decided to come  _ here _ ?” 

 

“I invited him. You should have seen him, Mom. He was terrified.” 

 

His mother stared at him for a moment, then at the kitten, and back again. “Why is the cat still here?” 

 

“They’re  _ both _ here. Makoto is sleeping downstairs.” 

 

“Haruka!” 

 

Haru shrugged, picking the kitten up in his arm, and dragged his oxygen along behind him. He knew he’d be paying for this later, but at the moment, it really didn’t matter. He’d helped ease Makoto’s mind, and got to be a superhero for a minute; that was the important thing. 

 

~~~~~~

 

The first thing Haru did was stop off in the kitchen, set the kitten on the counter, and get a small bowl of water for her. He knew she had to be thirsty, especially after her trauma from the night before. He set the bowl in front of her and watched for a moment as she drank, wondering how soon he should check her bandages. 

 

How in the hell were they going to do this? He knew his mother would never let him keep the cat here during the day while Makoto was at school, and he didn’t think they should keep moving her back and forth like that, anyways. Haru reached out, petting the little fluffball, and he could feel her purring under his palm. He could see why Makoto was so attached to her already; she was downright precious, and he knew if he could sit there watching her all day he probably would. 

 

Haru heard movement from the living room, followed by an uncomfortable grunt, and he figured the taller boy had woken up. Trusting that the kitten wouldn’t move from her spot for a few minutes, he ventured out to greet the gorgeous giant that had fallen asleep on his couch. 

 

“Morning.” Haru said, stopping in the doorway. “The kitten is fine, she slept through the night and she’s getting a drink right now.” 

 

It seemed to take him a minute to realize what all was going on, but when he did, he immediately started in with his panicked apologies. “Haru, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you last night. I should have gone back home. I hope it wasn’t too much trouble.” 

 

Wordlessly, Haru closed the distance between the two of them, putting his hands on Makoto’s shoulders, and exhaled. “If I didn’t want you to stay, I would have kicked you out. Calm down.” 

 

Makoto took a breath, nodded, and turned his eyes to the direction of the kitchen. “She’s getting a drink, you said?” 

 

“Yeah.”

 

The taller boy gently pulled back from Haru and hurried off to collect his new baby, and Haru followed after him. Makoto stood beside her, gently scratching her behind the ears and talking so softly to her that Haru had to fight not to smile. His first instinct about this boy was completely right; despite his size, Makoto Tachibana was an absolute sweetheart, and Haru knew he was done for. He had been since the first time he laid eyes on him. 

 

“What are you planning on doing with her once she’s healed up?” Haru asked. 

 

Makoto stood there, silent, for a moment, just keeping his eyes on the kitten. He shook his head, reaching out to pet her, and sighed. “I’m gonna try to keep her. I’ll be moving out in a few months anyways, so she can come with me. I just have to convince my parents to let me keep her until then.” 

 

Haru didn’t say it out loud, but he was convinced that anybody who saw how much Makoto already loved the kitten would agree immediately. They made a good pair. “What are you gonna name her?”

 

Again, silence. The kitten looked up at Makoto, her chin wet and dripping into the bowl, and the taller boy scratched her ears again. “Well, considering that her eyes are the same shade as yours, I should  _ technically _ name her Haruka, but that might be a little weird. How about… How about we name you Artemis?” 

 

“Why Artemis?” 

 

“Just feels right.” 

 

Haru just snorted, leaning on the sink beside Makoto close enough that the other boy’s posture straightened up a little out of nervousness. “Thanks… for last night, i mean. I appreciate the help.” 

 

“I’m just glad it worked out.” Haru replied. “She’ll make a good companion for you.” 

“Well, now I have two good companions.” And then Makoto was staring at him again, those green eyes catching in the morning sun and making Haru feel like for just a brief moment, that everything was perfect. Haru swallowed, unable to form a sentence, and cleared his throat. That broke the spell between them, and the taller boy caught a glimpse of the clock on the wall. “Crap! I’m gonna be late. Thank you again, Haru, I’ll text you later!

 

“I’ll see you later.” 

 

“Thank you again.” 

 

“You’re welcome.”

 

Haru walked Makoto to the door, and stood there for a minute as he pulled away. He really hoped that he’d be allowed to keep the kitten; Makoto needed something just as soft and cuddly as himself to hang around with, and little Artemis was the perfect candidate for it.

 

With a yawn, Haru shut the door, padded back up to his room, and lay down for just a little longer before his day had to officially start. 

 

~~~

 

Thankfully, he wasn’t in serious trouble for having a boy over and having him spend the night. The circumstances were explained in full, and he was let off with some advice: please make sure this kid isn’t an ax murderer before inviting him over to stay the night next time. Haru promised he would, and the subject was dropped. 

 

Makoto was allowed to keep Artemis since he would be moving out after graduation, and all was right with the world. Haru promised to stop by and see her once she got used to being an inside kitty and wouldn’t feel the need to try to escape.

 

Until that day came, Haru’s phone buzzed at least once every hour with a new photo or video of Artemis and her antics. Makoto had turned into a total cat dad, and Haru loved every second of it. 

 

~~~~

 

The big day finally came the following Monday. Makoto had text him early in the morning, asking if he wanted to come see Artemis after school. Haru agreed, and Makoto promised he’d come get him on his way home. 

 

Haru was surprised to see Rei stretched out in the backseat, his arm draped over his eyes, and looking absolutely miserable. Haru climbed in, eyes flickering between the two boys, and said hello to their blue-haired friend. Rei responded with a half-assed lift of his hand. 

 

“I thought getting him out of his house would be a good idea. According to his mom, he hasn’t left his room except for school.” 

 

“Good idea.” Haru replied. 

 

“It doesn’t matter, I’m going right back there when you finally release me back into the wild.” Rei said, and even his voice sounded depressed as all fuck. Haru felt bad for him. 

 

When they got to Makoto’s, the two basically had to drag Rei out of the car, and guide him up into the house. He slipped his shoes off, and went down to Makoto’s room on autopilot. Haru and Makoto exchanged another glance, and the taller boy took off after him to see if he was alright. 

 

Haru stood back for a moment, giving the two of them a chance to talk, and found himself reading over the Encouragements again. Silly as they were, he really did find himself liking the idea of having them. Not as crazily as Makoto’s family did, but maybe a couple here and there wouldn’t kill him. It might be nice to have a little confidence boost to read over while he was trying to sleep at night. 

 

He loved how much it all  _ fit  _ with Makoto’s family more than anything. He didn’t know them all that well, but they seemed like happy, supportive people, and they’d welcomed him in with open arms. Haru loved it. He loved every second of being with them all. The world needed more people like the Tachibanas. Makoto especially. 

 

Finally, he hurried off downstairs to be with the others, and wordlessly took his spot next to Makoto on the mattress. Rei was sitting backwards in the desk chair, his arms propped up on the back and his head resting in them, glasses a bit askew. Haru could hear Artemis running around somewhere on the floor, but she was well hidden, and not wanting anybody to find her right now. 

 

“I just don’t get it. He knew. He  _ knew _ about my eye, he’d known about it since before we started going out. He wasn’t ever fully comfortable with it, but it never bothered him enough before to break up with me over.” Rei was saying. 

 

“Someday, you’ll meet someone who doesn’t care about your eye. Someday, someone is going to take a look at it, and think it’s the coolest thing in the world.” Makoto replied, and Haru had to wonder how he was able to say such cheesy, positive things and make them sound so genuine. The way he spoke made things sound like they came directly from his heart and not something he’d scripted and planned out in his head. It was a form of magic Haru hoped the taller boy would teach him someday. 

 

“Well, that person is going to be waiting a very long time, because I meant it when I said that I’m giving up on love. It’s just easier that way.” their friend replied. 

 

“I still don’t get why this is such a big deal. It was a breakup. Why is it the end of the world?” 

Haru was getting a little tired of the dramatics. He understood where Rei was coming from, of course he did, but at the same time, it was a  _ break up.  _ Was one bad relationship really worth all of  _ this _ ? He wasn’t sure. Haru lay back across Makoto’s bed, staring at the ceiling and feeling irritable as he listened to Rei go on about every reason why it was, in fact, the end of the world. 

 

“H-Hey, how about we go get some ice cream? I’ll buy.” Makoto suggested, getting to his feet. “It’s hot enough out today, I think it warrants some. And with the moods how they are, I think we’ve all earned some.” 

 

The others agreed and, reluctantly, followed him out. 

 

~~~

 

Haru climbed into the passenger seat again, and the others took their usual spots. It was a quiet ride for the first little bit, and when it got to be too much for him, Haru decided to break it. “Is driving hard for you?” 

 

Makoto shot him a quick look and shrugged it off. “Not really. I’d been practicing a little before I lost my leg, and besides, it doesn’t directly affect my driving. What about you, Haru? Is driving hard for you with your oxygen tank?” 

 

There it was. There was the question that was going to make Makoto see how pathetic he was. He considered lying, but he knew the taller boy would see through it immediately. “Oh, uh… I...don’t drive.” 

 

Makoto just smiled at him. “Do you want to learn?” 

 

“Are you offering to teach me?” 

 

“Are you saying yes?” 

 

“Maybe.” 

 

Makoto grinned. “I’ll take it! We can start whenever you’re ready.” 

 

~~~

 

Haru was glad to see that the parlor was mostly empty, save for a couple high school students off in a corner by themselves. They had books laid out in front of them, pencils gripped loosely in their hands and smiling at each other, and Haru couldn’t help wondering if he would be doing that with Makoto if he were still in school. He hoped so. He chanced a glance at the taller boy, and felt a little flutter in his chest when he did so. 

 

They got up through the line, and Haru noticed half a second too late that the same blond as before was working, and had already spied Makoto. “Hey, it’s my giant friend! How ya doin’ Mako?” 

 

Makoto chuckled only a little awkwardly, and waved at the small boy. “Can’t really complain too much. I’ve got my health, and some good company. How about yourself?” 

 

“Really good. Me and one of the girls are trying to create our own ice cream flavor on our breaks. If we can pull it off, we’ll be rich!” 

 

“Well, best of luck to both of you.” 

 

“Thanks! What can I do for you guys?”

 

Makoto fell silent for a moment, eyes reading over the board and studying all of his options, before finally deciding on a vanilla cone with sprinkles. Simple. Easy. Haru admired it. So much, in fact, that he followed Makoto’s example and ordered the same cone. 

 

“You guys are too easy! Give me a challenge!” The blond said, causing another somewhat awkward laugh to fall out of Makoto. 

 

“Rei, what about you?” The brunette asked, turning to their friend. Rei, who had been watching the whole exchange with mild amusement, was startled when the attention was suddenly on him. He sputtered out some response Haru couldn’t make out, and turned his attention to the board. 

  
He’d just opened his mouth to say something, when the blond spoke up. “Hey, I know you! We’re in the same class, aren’t we? Ryu… Ryugazaki, isn’t it?” 

 

Once again stunned, Rei was caught off guard, color rising in his cheeks, and nodded. “Yes, that’s me. Now can I--” 

 

“I’m Hazuki. Nagisa Hazuki.”

 

“It’s nice to meet you, Nagisa.” Rei replied, and, not wanting to be interrupted a third time, quickly added: “I’ll take a chocolate cone. Nothing extra.” 

 

“Aww,” Nagisa pouted. “You guys are boring! I know! I’ll make you guys one of my surprise cones and bring it out later. Completely on the house!” 

 

Before any of them could protest, the blond had them all rung up, and Makoto was paying for all three of them. Haru made a note to pay him back later. They took their cones and went to sit down, all three of them nervous about what kind of hell would be waiting for them. 

 

“I wasn’t aware someone could be that cheerful all the time.” Rei sighed, rubbing his forehead. “He’s like that at school, too. Everyone he talks to, it’s always that excited, hyper attitude. It’s exhausting.” 

 

Makoto looked back towards the counter, a frown tugging at his lips. “I’ve seen him at school, too. He doesn’t exactly have the widest circle of friends; I always see him walking to and from class - and even home - by himself.”

 

Haru knew what that was like. After his diagnosis, before he’d been pulled out of school, there were many days when he was treated like he had the plague. People went out of their way to avoid the weird cancer kid. He sympathized with the blond. “Poor guy.” 

 

“Maybe you should be nicer to him, Rei.” 

 

“Me?” Rei sputtered. “Why me?” 

 

“Because,” Makoto replied, taking a small lick of his cone that Haru couldn’t help but watch, “out of the three of us, you’re the only one who actually has a real chance to talk to him. Haru’s homeschooled, and I’m in a different class. You’re our one chance.” 

 

“Help him, Rei Ryugazaki. You’re his only hope.” Haru muttered, getting a bit of a laugh out of both of them. 

 

The small talk continued for a little while between the three of them, and Rei promised he’d try to stomach talking to him the next time he got the chance. The topic turned to group, and cancer in general, and how many of the old crowd was gone now. The only two that were still around were Nitori and Momo, both of whom Haru had a soft spot for. They both had the same kind of lupus, which Momo immediately took as a sign that they needed to be friends. Nitori reluctantly went along with it, and they could all tell a part of him regretted it immensely. 

 

They hoped, though, the two would be going to meetings for a long time coming. 

 

After twenty minutes, the blond - Nagisa - came over with a giant bowl of clashing colors and a mountain of assorted toppings, and dropped it on their table with this friendly grin that didn’t inspire a lot of confidence. Haru shared a look with Makoto, and both of them turned right to Rei, silently pleading with him to go first and get it over with. 

 

Hesitantly, Rei picked up the spoon, got as small of a bite that he could that wouldn’t be offensive to the blond, and put it to his lips. It took a moment, but his eyes lit up and he turned to the others. “This isn’t half bad.” he said, shoving it towards them. 

 

Makoto was next, and his reaction was much the same to Rei’s. Then it was finally Haru’s. He stared at his spoon for a moment, trying to ignore everyone’s eyes on him, and took a breath. Carefully, he got a small bite ready, and then brought it to his lips. What hit his tongue was something he wasn’t at all expecting: a strangely wonderful mix of tropical ice cream and chocolate, with, what Haru guessed, a hint of marshmallow scattered through now and then. He shot an approving smile to the blond, “What is this?” he asked. 

 

Nagisa grinned even wider. “It’s my secret.” he told them.

 

They were surprised when Rei cleared his throat, calling for their attention, and pointed to the seat across from him next to Haru. “Nagisa, why don’t you sit down for a little bit?” 

 

The small boy glanced back at the counter, his eyes darting from the door and back again, and finally shrugged. “It’s dead enough anyways, I think they can stand to be without me for a minute.” he climbed up into the chair, and they scooted the bowl into the center of the table so all four of them had better access to it. 

 

~~~~

 

It was clear by the end of the afternoon that Nagisa had pretty much attached himself to Rei already. He’d spent the short time that he was with them teasing the taller boy good-naturedly, cracking jokes towards him, and grinning whenever Rei spoke to him.

 

When it was time to leave, Nagisa walked them all to the door, and asked, “So I’ll see all of you at school, yeah?” 

 

“Uh, two of us, anyways.” Makoto replied, glancing at Haru. “Rei and I will. Haru’s out of school.” 

 

“Cancer perk.” Haru shrugged, not looking at the smaller boy. “Kids get freaked out by the tubes.” 

 

“I think they’re cool.” Nagisa said honestly, leaning against the door. “It’s just another little piece that makes you completely your own person, Haru!” 

 

Haru was taken a little aback by that. He’d never thought of his cancer in that way, and he wasn’t about to start, but still, it was a unique way of looking at things. He breathed in, finally lifting his eyes to the blond, and muttered out a quick thank you to him for the positivity.

 

Standing was getting a little harder for him, and he found himself inching closer to Makoto in case he needed someone to lean on or started to fall, and his eyes flickered to the car waiting patiently in the parking lot. He really wanted to sit down, but he also didn’t want to leave the taller boy’s side just yet. 

 

Nagisa had opened his mouth to say something else, when a voice from inside screamed for him to get back in. Nagisa just laughed it off, turning to his three new friends with a wave, and said, “Well, Rei, Makoto, I’ll see you two then! It was nice meeting you!” 

 

“Same here!” Makoto replied, shooting the blond a smile before turning away. Haru followed close behind. 

 

After what felt like decades, they finally got to the car, and Haru dropped gratefully into his seat.  He took a moment to catch his breath before finally attempting to speak as Makoto got it started. “He seemed nice.” 

 

“He’s very loud.” Rei replied from the back. “And much too excitable.” 

 

“And he’s probably just glad to have someone to talk to,” Makoto said, glancing back at his friend through the mirror. “Give him a little time, I’m sure he’ll calm down some when the newness of it all wears off.” 

 

Rei just sighed, leaning back in his seat, and tried to stave off the beginnings of a headache. As annoyed as he was by the blond and all of his obnoxiously loud and excitable chatter, he found himself drawn to him, too. He was unlike anybody Rei had ever met, and that made him a bit curious. It also made him want to bash his head against a wall, though, too. 

 

He guessed he’d have to see what was in store for him with this Nagisa kid...


	5. Driving Lessons

“Alright, Haru, put it in drive and put your foot lightly on the gas. Yeah, just like that, now be carefNO, HARU, THAT’S TOO HARD! STOP!” 

 

Haru slammed on the breaks, sending Makoto forward, hands barely catching himself on the dash before he got hurt. Haru slammed into the steering wheel, his chest hitting hard enough to make him cough and wheeze for breath. He knew he’d have a bruise there before too long; he’d always bruised easily, even before his diagnosis - he just hoped it wasn’t big enough he couldn’t hide it from his mom. 

 

The two sat in silence for a few long, tense, seconds after regaining their bearings - Haru breathing heavily, and Makoto staring at him with wide eyes. “You’ve got a bit of a lead foot there.” He spoke, leaning back in his seat and chuckling. 

 

When Haru was able to recover himself some, he slumped back, head rolling to the side, and glared at the other boy. “I’m a better swimming than I am anything else. It’s not my fault driving is unnecessarily hard.” 

 

Makoto cleared his throat, taking another second or two to make sure he wasn’t going to start laughing again before trying to talk. “Let’s try again. Put the car in park. Just like that, yeah. Now, take a minute to relax, then try again.” 

 

Haru closed his eyes, sat back in his seat, and took as deep of his breath as he could manage, and another one just to steady himself. He put his hands on the wheel, the vinyl warm from the sun and where he’d been keeping it in a death grip the whole time. 

 

He could feel the panic beginning to rise in his chest like a tidal wave, reminding him that he was failing miserably at this, and a small part of him wanted to just tell Makoto that this was a lost cause. His fingers brushed back and forth over the grooves in the back of the wheel, trying to focus on that instead of the voices in his head, and he swallowed, waiting for the other boy to tell him what to do.

 

“Alright, first, put it in drive.” 

 

Haru moved the gearshift until the small D at the very back lit up, and quickly put his hand back on the wheel. 

 

“Now, gently put your foot on the gas.” 

 

Gently. Gently.  _ Gently _ . Haru eased his foot down on the gas, which got a celebratory  _ whoop! _ from Makoto. Haru took his eyes off the road for a second, and glanced at the other boy. The green in his eyes was so much brighter here, as he squinted against the sun, like two emerald jewels shining just for him to see. Haru smiled a little at the sight, only being called back when he realized the car was going a lot faster than it should have been, and those emeralds widened in panic. “AH, NO, HARU, TOO FAST. STOP IT!” 

 

Another slam on the breaks and the two pitched forward. 

 

Haru slammed his fist on the steering wheel, unbuckled his seatbelt, and opened the door. “I can’t do this!” He yelled, grabbing his oxygen tank and getting out of the car. Makoto had opened his own door, and was running around to meet him in hopes of calming him down. 

 

“It’s your first time behind the wheel, Haru. Everyone is nervous their first time. You’ll get it.” 

 

“I can’t do this.” Haru insisted, unable to bring himself to look at the taller boy. “I can’t.” 

 

Makoto’s big, warm, hand was on his shoulder, then, and Haru could almost feel the smile on his face. “You can. I know you can. And I’ll be here to help you.” 

 

“Well, you’re going to be here a long time, because this  _ isn’t gonna work.”  _

 

“Well, it’s a good thing I have more faith in you than you do, isn’t it? Get back in the car.” 

 

~~~~

 

Haru sat on his floor with his legs pretzeled in front of him, and stared at a blank canvas. He was surrounded by paints and markers and an assortment of crafting supplies and was ready to create. Makoto had taken him to get this stuff, asking occasionally what exactly it was Haru was up to, but the darker haired boy just smiled and didn’t answer. Makoto, just like everyone else, would have to wait. 

 

He shook up a bottle of paint and opened it, covering the canvas in a deep, calming blue that reminded him of the ocean, and set it aside to dry. After that, he grabbed some scrap paper and got started on playing with his stencils. The paint wouldn’t take too terribly long to dry, and he wanted to be ready when it was. 

 

He’d looked around online for hours, gathering a bunch of quotes that made him chuckle, and wrote them down in a notebook. He had enough supplies that he could fill a good majority of his room if he wanted. And he  _ did _ want to. 

 

Twenty minutes later, he had a finished project, and proudly put it up on his wall. His first of many “Encouragements” to be displayed in his room. Haru stepped back to admire his work, a small smile on his face.  _ Be positive, asshole!  _ It declared. He loved it. He wanted a thousand more like it immediately. 

 

~~~~

Rei sat at his desk, back straight, eyes attentive, and scribbled notes as fast as their teacher could speak. He hated sitting back so far, but he wanted to be as far away from Sera as possible. After their breakup, Rei had asked if he could switch desks with one of the girls, and seeing how frazzled the normally calm and oh-so-cool Rei Ryugazaki was, she agreed. He was grateful; the thought of being so close to his ex right now was enough to kill him.

 

The only drawback of this plan was, much to his annoyance, was that Nagisa  _ also  _ sat in the back. Right next to him. Constantly nudging him and asking questions. Rei was in no mood for it, especially while trying to concentrate on what their teacher was saying.  _ Especially  _ when the questions revolved around his personal life, and how he knew Makoto and Haru. 

 

It wouldn’t have bothered him so much on a normal day. He didn’t mind answering Cancer Questions if he was asked, thinking that if he could help educate someone about something new, it was a win. But since his spill during track, Rei had completely clammed up about the subject. He didn’t want anybody else to know about his disability if they didn’t have to, especially when they were as hyper and chatty and, well,  _ blunt  _ as Nagisa. He didn’t think he could handle another person giving him weirded out looks over his eye. 

 

“Psst,” Nagisa whispered, and Rei looked straight ahead, hoping he looked more concentrated than he was. He was hyper-focused on every little sound that came from the desk beside him, hoping to himself that Nagisa would just give up after awhile and stop trying to bug him. “Hey, Rei. Rei!” 

 

“What?” he replied out of the corner of his mouth. 

 

“Are you guys gonna stop by the ice cream shop this week?” 

 

That caught him off guard. Rei glanced at the smaller boy from the corner of his eye, and shrugged. “I’m sure the others have already planned on it. It’s become somewhat of a tradition to stop in after Group. And since they’re my ride home, I suppose I’ll be coming along as well.” 

 

“Great! I can’t wait to see you guys. I’ve got something new for you to try.” And then he was off on a ramble about new things he was experimenting with at work. Rei listened half-heartedly, trying to pay attention to both the boy beside him and their lesson. 

 

When class was over, Rei was one of the first up and out of his seat, quickly gathering his things so he could slip out unnoticed by Sera. He vaguely caught sight of Nagisa hurrying to catch up with him and slowed down just a bit. When the blond was packed up, Rei started off, trying to hurry by everyone and get to the door before it was too late. 

 

Just a couple more people to go, and then he was out the door. Just a couple more-- 

 

The crash came from behind him, and he made the mistake of looking back. Nagisa’s bag had ripped at the bottom, and his books went flying everywhere. Rei looked at the door, at everyone milling around the exit, all eyes fixed on he and Nagisa, and froze. The last thing he wanted right now was having attention drawn to himself. He could hear the blond muttering to himself, trying to get his things back in order, and failing miserably. With one last look to the crowd, Rei sighed and went back to help. “Just put them in mine, I have a bag you can use.” he told the blond, shrugging his backpack off and letting the other boy stuff his things inside. “It’s a bit smaller than yours, but if you’re careful, it’ll get you through the day.” 

 

Nagisa’s cheeks were red as he handed the last of his things to Rei, and stood up without a word. He pulled his bag off of his shoulder and held it in his arms, looking pitiful. “I’ve had this thing forever.” 

 

“Let me see it.” Rei said, taking it gently from the smaller boy’s hands. The rip was bigger than he originally thought, going from almost one end of the seam to the other. It was so worn and thin in places, he was surprised it had lasted  _ this  _ long. One quick look at Nagisa, though, told him everything he needed to say next. “This should be simple enough to fix, and I’m not terrible with a needle and thread. If it’s okay, I can take it home and fix it? I’ll have it back to you by tomorrow.” 

 

The blond’s eyes lit up and he smiled hugely at Rei. “You’d do that?” 

 

“I can try. I make no promises, however.” 

 

“That’s fine! But if you can fix it, please do!” 

 

Rei shot him a quick smile and shoved the ripped bag in his own, then turned to go. Sera was staring at them, having seen the whole display, and Rei’s face went just as red as Nagisa’s had been a moment ago. He shrugged his back back over his shoulders, raised his chin, and hurriedly walked on with his eye fixed on the wall outside. 

 

“Hey, Rei,” came Nagisa from behind him. “Who was that guy? He seemed like he knew you.” 

 

“He does,” he replied, still staring ahead. “We were on the track team together. I… quit. Just last week, actually.” 

 

“What for?” 

 

Rei swallowed, his cheeks still pink, and shook his head. “It just didn’t work out.” 

 

“Well, what happened?” 

 

He heaved a quick sigh, nudging his glasses back into place and quickening his pace just a little. Nagisa was persistent if nothing else, he had to give him that. “Let’s just say we had a falling out, and it was easier that way.” 

 

“That barely tells me anything!” 

 

“I’ll… explain later.” Rei decided on. “It’s still a fresh wound.” Maybe that would be enough to soothe Nagisa until he forgot about this whole thing. 

 

“Al...right.” Nagisa said, and the two walked back to Rei’s locker in silence. Nagisa was given the loaner bag, and it had just enough room in it to snugly house all of his books. As he was packing them away, Rei wondered to himself how Nagisa would react if he ever  _ would  _ tell him about his eye. Would he make fun of him for it, or react much like Sera did - with discomfort and eventual repulsion?

 

Rei’s eyes flickered to the smaller boy beside him, allowing himself to hope for one brief moment that it wouldn’t be a huge deal to Nagisa, but reality crushed that for him immediately. The only people who understood what he was going through were the people in Group, because they’d been there themselves. He and Nagisa could be friends, yes, but Rei knew he would have to be kept at arm’s length at all times. He couldn’t allow himself to get close to the other boy no matter what. 

 

He tried to ignore that the thought made him a little sad. 

 

~~~~~

That night, Rei sat up in his room, torn bag in hand, patches scattered on the comforter in front of him, and assessed the damage. Nagisa always had a ton of books with him; they were in all the same honors classes, plus, Rei knew he was taking a college level history class, too. It really  _ was _ a wonder that the bag had held up as long as it did. Especially considering Nagisa wasn’t the easiest on his things, either, and if he wasn’t careful, the blond would just rip through his stitchwork again in no time. 

 

Rei chuckled to himself, amused at the thought circling around in his head. He could already see the smaller boy coming back in a couple weeks, asking if he could fix the bag again, flashing those innocent eyes at him. Of course he would say yes. Then the smile would get bigger, and oh, god, what was he  _ doing _ ? 

 

He pulled himself out of his daydream, setting his barely started project down for a moment while he tried to get a grip on himself. This wasn’t at all how to keep someone at arm’s length for their own safety. Rei scrubbed his hands over his face, trying to get his mind away from Nagisa and onto something more appropriate. He grabbed his phone and sent Makoto a text.

 

**How’s your cat?**

 

He waited a few moments, tapping his finger impatiently on the back of his case, for his friend to answer, but one never came. Grumbling to himself, Rei text Haru, again waiting several minutes only to be met with silence from him. 

 

Sighing and finally getting frustrated with sitting around, Rei picked up his project again, pulling up some music on his phone to keep him distracted enough that he wouldn’t be occupied by magenta eyes and a sweet face. 

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

“Who’s that?” 

 

Haru glanced up, eyes landing on the photo on his desk Makoto was pointing to, and grinned. It was the first time he was allowed to have the brunette up in his room, and Makoto was having a blast looking around. He had immediately gone to Haru’s desk and sat in the chair, spinning it back and forth a little awkwardly while he took everything in. Haru could tell he felt a bit awkward being here, and about touching his things, but that only added to the taller boy’s charm. 

 

Haru sat on the edge of his bed, eyes fixed on the boy next to him that Makoto was referring to, and smiled. “That’s me, can’t you tell?” He replied, hoping his joke would distract the taller boy enough to change the subject. He didn’t want to discuss Rin right now, not when this was supposed to be a happy moment for him. “I was a kid once too, you know.” 

 

“I found you already!” Makoto chuckled. “It’s kinda hard to miss those eyes of yours, Haru. I meant the kid next to you, the redhead.” 

 

Sighing, Haru stole a quick glance at the photograph, needing a second or two while he decided if he wanted to be honest or not. “His name’s Rin. We were on the swim team together.”

 

“What happened to him?” 

 

“We… had a falling out after my diagnosis.” Haru shrugged. 

 

Makoto sat back at the desk chair, giving him that sympathetic smile that tugged at his heart every time he saw it, and asked, “Was it a Sera type thing?” 

 

“No.” He said quickly. “It just got hard to hang out when I was being ushered to chemo, or to the ER, or normal doctor appointments, every five minutes. Last I heard, he moved to Australia to train for the Olympics.” 

 

“Wow.” 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

Makoto cleared his throat, letting things quiet down for a minute while he tired to find something else to focus on. His eyes landed on the canvas that hung on the wall, and read over it twice to make sure he saw it right. He couldn’t help but laugh. “I knew we’d rub off on you eventually!” 

 

“Don’t get too cocky.” Haru replied, trying to stifle his own smile. 

 

He was met once again with that huge smile, and Haru’s breath caught in his throat. He was struck suddenly by how beautiful the other boy really was when he was happy. Light seemed to radiate off of him, and the world around him shone just a little bit brighter, like it was happy just to be close to him. Haru wanted to be close to him, too. In every way he could be, he just wanted to be close to Makoto Tachibana and stay there for the rest of his life. 

 

It was in that moment that Haru knew he was a goner for the other boy; he only hoped it wasn’t completely obvious just yet. 

 

~~~~~

 

Haru lay in bed on his back, his hand on his chest, and tried not to wince too much.Since the day he’d attempted to drive and his chest hit the steering wheel, he’d been experiencing a bit of pain. At first, he wasn’t too worried - he’d expected a bruise, and all the fun aches that came with it - but that had been nearly a week ago, and the bruise was still fat and purple and screaming any time the slightest bit of pressure was placed on it. 

 

Haru could remember a few times when he’d gotten bruises like this, but usually those had been on his knees, and he’d gotten them while climbing out of the pool when he was still on his team. Those had been continuous, and never had time to heal, though. 

 

This had. So why in the hell was it still just as painful as it had been when he got it? 

 

He began poking at the bruise again when his phone went off, and Haru groped his mattress for it. The text was from Makoto. 

 

**_I’m bored and can’t sleep, do you have any good movie recommendations?_ **

 

Haru thought on it for a moment, going over every movie he could remember seeing in his life, and came back to one in particular several times. 

 

**There’s one called Splash. It’s about a mermaid. It’s really cheesy, but it has Tom Hanks in it.**

 

The text bubbles came and went several times while Makoto typed, and Haru was worried the other boy thought his choice was stupid. He was about to suggest something else when the reply finally came through. 

 

**_I had to look it up. It sounds really weird. I’m going to watch your weird Tom Hanks mermaid movie. Will you be up for awhile?_ **

 

He checked the time on his phone, and sighed. Why did Makoto have to come asking for films after midnight? 

 

**Unfortunately, those of us who are lucky enough to have lungs that suck at being lungs need all the sleep we can get. You’ll have to hold all comments on my ‘Weird Tom Hanks Mermaid Movie’ until tomorrow.**

 

**_I guess I can do that._ **

 

Haru smiled at his phone, said a quick goodnight, and went back to staring at his ceiling for a long while, thinking to himself. He wondered what Rin was up to in Australia these days, if he was still swimming, or if he’d given up on it, or if he’d managed to make it to any competitions. He wished for the thousandth time that he could still be in the water, doing the thing he loved the most, and wondered what it would be like to be at one of the Olympic training pools. Would he have ever made it there? 

 

Makoto could have made it, he thought. He could have made it all the way to the games and even won a medal or two. And… if it were at all possible, Haru could see himself watching from the crowds, cheering the brunette on with all of his might. 

 

He wished he could have seen him swim. Haru knew Makoto had to be a sight to see in the water. 

 

He lay back, lost in his thoughts, for a good part of the night, losing himself in memories of his time in the pool, musings on what Makoto swam like in his own days, and longings to spend time with him in the water, even now. Haru wished his lungs would straighten up, even for a little bit, so he could swim with Makoto at least once, to spend time with him in a place that only the two of them knew the intimacy of, to share that experience together. 

 

~~~~

 

In the morning when he woke and turned his phone on, it didn’t stop buzzing with texts for a good minute and a half. All from Makoto, all about the movie. 

 

**_Why is this kid so obsessed with looking up womens’ skirts?_ **

**_WHY DID HE JUMP IN IF HE CAN’T SWIM WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS KID?_ **

**_Why can he suddenly breathe underwater, what the heck?_ **

**_Oh, hi, Tom Hanks._ **

**_And he’s in the water again. HE’S KNOCKED OUT HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?_ **

**_WHY IS THIS WOMAN NAKED? HARU, WHAT KIND OF MOVIE AM I WATCHING?_ **

**_She just… kissed him and disappeared. That’s rude._ **

**_Oh, she’s a mermaid!_ **

**_She. Has. His. Wallet._ **

**_She named herself, that’s so cute._ **

**_They’re falling in love, Haru!!!!_ **

**_WHY DID SHE REJECT HIM?_ **

**_Never mind!_ **

**_Don’t get her wet, just let her live her life with Tom Hanks, LEAVE HER BE!_ **

**_OH NO!_ **

**_THE SCIENTIST MAN GOT HER. OH NO!_ **

**_shE’S IN A TANK AND GOING TO BE DISSECTED! ALLEN NEEDS TO SAVE HER._ **

**_HARU, WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?!_ **

**_They got her out!!!_ **

**_Wait, he’s going to live with her in the ocean!? But what about his brother?_ **

**_Okay, what other movies do you have for me?_ **

 

Haru snorted to himself, reading over the texts a couple of times each, and set his phone down while he had breakfast. He was glad that, despite Makoto thinking it was weird, that he’d given the movie a shot, and ended up enjoying it. He had to admit, he liked the play-by-play Makoto had given him, too. It was highly entertaining despite the constant buzzing while he was getting ready for the day. 

 

Haru was supposed to meet Makoto later that afternoon for another driving lesson, and while he wasn’t exactly looking forward to getting behind the wheel again, he desperately wanted to spend some more time with the brunette away from parents and other friends, or the prying eyes of people around them. He enjoyed the moments with just the two of them, sitting in the car, or down in Makoto’s room, more than he could ever say. 

 

Makoto rarely took his eyes off of him when they were alone together. Haru could feel his stare fixed on him more often than not, but he didn’t mind it. It made him feel kind of good, knowing that he had the other boy’s attention all to himself like that. Sometimes, he’d even catch Makoto smiling while looking at him. It made Haru’s heart flutter every time, because he wondered what the reason for it was. 

 

He caught himself grinning as he took his bowl to the sink, and tried to push those green eyes from his mind for the time being so he could focus. Today, as much as he wished it would be, wasn’t about stealing glances at each other for no reason, he actually needed to try learning something. 

 

~~~~

 

At 1:00, Makoto text and said he was getting ready to leave his house. Haru slipped his shoes on, took a book outside, and sat in the sun until the other boy showed up in his giant SUV. Haru climbed into the passenger side, said a quick hello, and the two were off. 

 

Makoto took him to an abandoned lot, shut the engine off, and turned to face him. Haru met his eyes, and fell into their depths for a moment, unable to tear himself away. The air surrounding them became thick and hot, and Haru wanted nothing more than to reach out and--

 

“I know you can do this.” Makoto said, interrupting his thoughts. “You’re gonna get this.” 

 

Blinking himself back to the present, Haru swallowed and cleared his throat. “You’ve got too much faith in me.” 

 

“No, I have just the right amount of faith in you.” He chuckled, getting out of the driver’s side and leaving the door open. “You’re gonna be a master in no time.” 

 

Haru elected not to reply to that, and hopped into Makoto’s vacated seat. He waited until the other boy was settled in before adjusting the seat, mirrors, and fastening his seat belt. Haru sat there for a moment, his hands running over the cracked vinyl steering wheel, in an attempt to calm himself down before getting started. Already, his heart was racing in his chest, and he could feel the panic creeping up over him like the first signs of cold in the fall. 

He turned the key in the ignition, and the dash lights lit up brightly. Haru clutched the gear shift, sticking it into Drive, but put his foot on the break for a moment to get his bearings. The lot was abandoned, but there were still pockets of rusting and rotted tools and the beginnings of the buildings that were supposed to be built nearly ten years ago. He didn’t want to hit those and damage Makoto’s car. 

 

With a nervous look to the other boy, he eased his foot off the pedal and vehicle started to roll forward. Panicked, Haru shoved his foot back down onto the break, sending Makoto forward and himself into the steering wheel once again. Pain lanced up through his chest, and Haru worried that he’d end up back in the hospital before this was all over. “I’m sorry!” He wheezed, watching the other boy as he re-adjusted his seatbelt. There was a red mark forming across his chest from the impact, and Haru felt terrible. 

 

“It’s fine, you’re doing fine. Don’t worry about it.” the brunette shrugged him off, rubbing at the skin where the belt cut into it. He shot him an encouraging smile, and Haru wished he could just sit there staring at him instead of attempting to get them both killed. “What’s got you so nervous?” Makoto asked. 

 

Haru didn’t have an answer for that. He didn’t exactly know why driving freaked him out like it did, but he knew he shouldn’t have agreed to this in the first place. It was humiliating, having Makoto see him like this - panicky and nervous and not in control over anything. He wanted the taller boy to think he was cool, and this was the farthest from cool he’d ever been in his life. “It just does.” He finally said, shrugging it off as much as he could. “I don’t know the reason behind it.” 

 

“Should we stop?”

 

Haru considered this. On the one hand, he really did want to quit, he wanted to be content with just sitting in the passenger seat watching Makoto drive, and living their lives like that forever. But on the other, he didn’t want to appear weak and give up already when they’d barely gotten started. Gripping the wheel in his hands a little tighter, Haru licked his lips and took his foot off the break again. “No. I’m not stopping until I get this.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!  
> Sorry for the ridiculously long hiatus, guys. Shortly after the last chapter went up, two of our cars quit within like a week of each other, and the stress from all of it blocked me so bad I didn't think I'd ever get back into writing. Hopefully this doesn't feel too disconnected or out of place; I've been trying to edit all of it so it makes sense, but I've stared at it so long I can't stand it anymore, so...  
> Hopefully the next chapter won't take too long to get out. Thank you so much for being so patient!  
> Things will start picking up from here, I promise!!!!


	6. BiPAPs, Bags, and Banana Splits

“Here,” 

 

Nagisa snatched his repaired bag from Rei’s hands, holding it at arm’s length and turning it around as he inspected it. “You didn’t have to get it done so fast, I would have waited!” He said, and Rei decided to accept that as a thank you. 

 

“I didn’t have anything better to do. Now, you’re going to need to be a bit more careful with it. Don’t stuff it so full if you can help it.” 

 

“I’ll be careful.” Nagisa insisted, already on the ground, transferring his things from the loaner bag into his repaired one. “I’ll just drop this stuff off at my locker real quick, then I’ll catch up.” 

 

Rei watched as he, once again, started shoving the bag clear full, and, dreading the next round of repairs he’d have to make on it, knelt down, and touched the smaller boy’s hand to stop him. “Let me carry what you don’t need immediately, alright? There’s no sense in risking ripping it again already.” 

 

Blinking, Nagisa pulled all of his books out once again and began muttering to himself about the things he would need. When he was satisfied, he handed the rest to his friend, and lead the way to his locker. 

 

It was almost too high up for Nagisa to reach, as it was, he had to stand on his tip toes to see the numbers on his lock. Rei was about to say something, but Nagisa got it open, and a small avalanche of snack wrappers and empty water bottles spilled out onto the floor. 

 

“Crap!” Nagisa muttered, setting his things down as he began picking everything up. 

 

Rei was stunned to silence by the sight. He’d never seen a locker as messy as the blond’s, and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t give him a little anxiety looking at it. His eyes darted between Nagisa and the mound of trash still spilling things out, and cleared his throat. “N-Nagisa, how about I help you clean this out after school? This is… unsanitary to say the least.” 

 

“What are you talkin’ about, Rei? It’s fine.” the blond said, pinching a molding banana peel between his fingers as he picked it up off the floor. Rei could see him trying not to breathe, and he could feel the bile beginning to churn in his own stomach at the display in front of him. “No, I insist.” 

 

The smaller boy took an armload of trash and threw it away, then began digging around in his locker to make room for his books, and slid what Rei assumed was a sandwich once upon a time from the very back. He shot Rei an embarrassed look, and pitched it, too. “Maybe I’ll take you up on that.” he chuckled. 

  
  
  


After the books were delivered, the two boys hurried their way to class, Rei avoiding looking anywhere near Sera’s desk as he passed, and slumped into his seat in the back of the room. He sighed, giving himself a minute to calm down before sitting straight up and taking his notebook out. He began scribbling after their teacher, writing at lightning speed. 

 

Nagisa watched from the desk beside him, wondering how in the hell someone could stand to be so focused when there was so much happening around him. He fidgeted in his seat, tapping his pencil while he watched the taller boy, eyes darting from him, to the window, and back. He had so many things he wanted to ask Rei, had so many things about him he wanted to know, but he didn’t know how to even start. They only saw each other in school, or at the parlor, both of which required him to be pulled in a thousand different directions at once. 

  
  
  


When class was over, Rei was packed up and out of his seat before anybody else had managed to scoot their chairs back. Nagisa quickly gathered his things, holding more in his hands than anything else, and quickly followed after the taller boy as he not-quite-ran from the room. “Rei!” He called, hurrying up to him. “Hey, wait a minute!” 

 

“What?” Came the reply, and Nagisa could tell he was a little aggravated, though he wasn’t sure what over. 

 

“Uh…” He hesitated. “Do you… Can I buy you lunch since you fixed my bag, as a thank you?” 

 

“I packed my lunch.” Rei said. 

 

Nagisa’s shoulders slumped, but he tried to hide his disappointment. “Then… How about this? You come by the parlor later, and I’ll buy you a banana split. We can just hang out for a little while.” 

 

Rei was looking at him now, his brows furrowed and his lips pressed into a straight line. He was thinking, Nagisa knew, and he only hoped he wasn’t trying too hard to think of a way to get out of it. “I don’t have a way there.” 

 

“We can go after school! I have to go in anyways, so my stuff is with my gym clothes. You can walk with me.”

 

Another moment of thought, and finally, Rei pressed his glasses back into place and sighed. “Fine. I’ll meet you by your locker after school. But I can’t stay all night.” 

 

Nagisa’s eyes lit up, and he actually bounced on the balls of his feet a few times in excitement after Rei’s approval. The taller boy shook his head, biting his cheek to keep from smiling at him. Nagisa really was something else, he thought. He definitely was growing on him, whether he liked it or not. And he did like it. He liked it a lot. 

 

An alarm bell went off in his head, and Rei snapped himself out of it, clearing his throat. “I’ll see you in a bit, then.” 

  
  


Nagisa found focusing on his classes a bit more difficult than it normally was, his mind running a thousand miles an hour with questions about his new friend, and what was up between him and the other guy in their class. There was obviously a history there, no matter what Rei tried to say, and it was frustrating that the other boy was keeping so much of it a secret. 

 

Nagisa found himself tapping his pencil again, agitating those around him. He apologized and tried to pay attention to what was being said by their teacher. 

 

That lasted all of a minute and a half before Rei popped into his mind again. 

 

When his torment was over and the bell rang, Nagisa was up and out of his desk and on his way to the door as fast as he could manage. He cupped the bottom of his bag in his hand, his fingers running over the line of close, tight stitches Rei had fixed it with, and a small wave of affection for the taller boy hit him. He actually had a friend, now. A friend who seemed to like him back! That was an accomplishment Nagisa had started wondering if he’d ever achieve. Yes, he was friendly with Gou at work, but he knew they’d never go beyond work  acquaintances. 

 

He passed by Rei several times on the way to classes, and the taller of the two always had his head down with his nose in a book, or eyes fixed on something far away. Nagisa called out to him several times in hopes of catching his attention, but the other seemed too out of it to really notice what was happening around him.

 

He went into his last class of the day, which he had with Rei, and slid into the seat beside him. He smiled at his friend, and the other attempted a small one back. Nagisa scooted his chair a little closer to Rei, and scribbled a note, which he folded and slid onto his desk. 

_ What’s wrong?  _

 

He could feel Rei’s eyes on him after that, though he didn’t turn to look at him. After a moment, the paper was back on his own desk, and Nagisa slid it off the table and unfolded it in his lap. 

 

_ Nothing’s wrong. And don’t send me notes in class. I’m trying to pay attention.  _

 

A frown tugged at the blond’s mouth and, despite what Rei said, he scribbled another sentence to his friend, and handed it off. 

 

_ You’re not a good liar, Rei. Whatever’s going on, you can tell me! We’re friends, right?  _

 

The taller boy sighed beside him, and instead of handing the paper back, he tucked it into his bag and hunched his shoulders a little in his seat. He obviously wasn’t in the mood to talk, and though everything in him was saying to keep asking him, Nagisa dropped it for the moment. There would be time to talk later. 

 

~~~

 

Rei stood in front of Nagisa’s locker, still able to smell a bit of the rancid food the smaller boy had pulled out of it. He tried to keep his nose aimed away from the thing, but every now and then he could still catch a whiff of whatever was still lurking in the depths. He leaned against the locker next to it, checking his watch, cursing himself for agreeing to help with all of this. He had promised Nagisa he’d help him clean this thing out,  _ and  _ go get ice cream; he still had a run to fit into his evening, and studying, and dinner, and what felt like a million other things to do on top of that! He didn’t have the time to sit around waiting for a boy! 

 

So why was he? 

 

He checked his watch again, and was getting ready to pull his phone out and text him, when Nagisa skidded to a halt in front of him, smock untied and swinging like a door in a tornado around his neck. His hat was slipping off the back of his head, and he looked very out of breath, as well. “Sorry,” he wheezed, “I got held up in gym, and then I had to talk the janitor into giving me a trash bag. Ready?” 

 

“Yes, you’re lucky you came when you did, I was about to head home.” 

 

“But you didn’t!” Nagisa grinned, slapping his friend on the back. “Thanks for waiting; I really appreciate you helping me, man.” 

 

“Any time.” Rei replied, waiting behind him as Nagisa unlocked his locker, and then the two of them were hit with a wall of smell so strong, it could have knocked a fisherman off his balance. Rei tried not to let the smaller boy see him recoil and gag, because he knew Nagisa was a bit embarrassed about the mess, and took one last breath of clean air. 

 

Nagisa began ripping everything out, occasionally tossing something into the bag that once must have resembled food, and then going back for more. 

 

They didn’t have much time to chat during that little project, because if they opened their mouths, their lunch would have made a second appearance. Nagisa took the chance to think of what to ask Rei later on, and how to make him answer his questions this time. He only hoped Rei would stick to the script he’d thought up in his head. Otherwise, he was back to square one. 

  
  


When they were finished, Rei promised he would bring some cleaning supplies with him the next day, and they could do something about the lingering smell then. They disposed of the garbage bag, and headed out, Nagisa filling up the silence with innate chatter. 

 

“Thanks for walking with me. It’s nice having someone to talk to on this walk. Normally, I call my sister, but talking on the phone isn’t the same as having someone walking beside you. It gets lonely.”

 

“I imagine it does.”

 

“Don’t you get lonely when you run by yourself?” 

 

“No,” Rei replied, hiking his bag a little higher up on his shoulder. “I actually prefer the quiet. It helps me think.” 

 

“Oh.” Came the reply. “But I bet it’d be nice to have a friend to go with now and then, right?” Nagisa turned to him, a big, slightly embarrassed smile tugging hard at his lips, and Rei blinked. This was all going entirely too fast for him. Nagisa was expecting way too much from him, and he didn’t know what to do about it. This wasn’t being kept at arm’s length. This was crashing through every wall he’d put in place to stop this very thing from happening. He felt threatened. He wanted to run, fast, and get as far away from Nagisa as he could. 

 

So why was he still walking with him?

 

Another, smaller part of him couldn’t deny that it made him feel good to know that Nagisa trusted him enough to call him a friend, and to fix his bag, and to even offer to go run with him. Although part of him figured anybody who gave the blond the time of day would get the same treatment, it still made him feel kind of good. 

  
  


When they got to the parlor, Nagisa went to clock in, and told Rei to sit wherever. He chose a booth near the back, away from everyone else, and pulled out his book. He had no clue when the smaller boy would be back, and he had been looking forward to his novel for a good while now. 

 

It was nearly a half hour later when Nagisa finally came back, two banana splits in hand, and plopped into the seat across from him. “Whatcha readin’? Anything good?” 

 

“To me, yes. But it’s not important.” Rei dog-eared his page and shoved the novel back in his bag, trying to ignore the blush on his cheeks. He was hoping he would have seen Nagisa coming before the other boy got close enough to see his book; It wasn’t anything fun, it was a classic adventure that most everyone else in class found boring, or too hard to read. He figured Nagisa would tease him about it. 

 

They ate in silence for the first little while, Rei too embarrassed to speak, and Nagisa too busy trying to figure out how to ask his questions to worry about it. Finally, the smaller of the two set his spoon down, pushed his ice cream away, and leaned his elbows on the table. “Who’s the guy in class you keep trying to avoid? What’s the deal with him?” 

 

Rei sucked in a breath and pushed his own treat away, stunned by the question and not really sure what to say. “I told you before, we were on the track team together, and had a falling out. That’s all.” 

 

“But what  _ happened? _ ” Nagisa prompted. “You told me you’d tell me later.” 

 

“This isn’t technically ‘later’, Nagisa. It’s only been a day since you asked last time.” 

 

“It’s still later.”

 

Rei swallowed, eye darting from the boy across from him, to their ice cream, and back. “It’s… complicated. That’s all I’ll say for now.” 

 

The blond deflated a bit at the dismissive answer, but went back to his snack as he thought of what else to say. “How did you meet Makoto and Haru?” 

 

“I’ve known Makoto for awhile, and Haru… I just bumped into him one day and we became friends. Makoto has helped make sure we stay that way.”

 

“Where’d you bump into him?” 

 

“Why do you want to know?” 

 

“I’m just curious!” 

 

Rei sighed, pushing his glasses back up his nose, and stalled for a moment while he took a bite of banana. It was becoming clear to him that Nagisa wasn’t going to let these subjects drop anytime soon, and he was going to have to get creative with his explanations to keep him off his back. He mentally added that to the list of things he would have to do when he got home. “We met at the community center.”

 

Another half-hearted answer. Nagisa shook his head, finishing off his ice cream rather quickly, and sat back. “You’re really not going to tell me anything?” 

 

“I’ve already told you a lot.” Rei said, taking another small bite. “More than most people know, actually.” 

 

Nagisa really didn’t believe that, but he figured pushing it right now wouldn’t get him anywhere. He’d make Rei open up eventually. In the meantime, though, maybe he could ask around and see what anybody else knew about the mysterious boy.

 

It had to be worth a shot, didn’t it? 

  
  


***

 

Haru stood over the sink, washing his dishes from breakfast, and debating on whether or not to bring this new development up to his mother or not. 

 

He’d been having pain in his chest since he hit the steering wheel in Makoto’s car and a headache that came and went with varying intensity, and they were both only getting worse. His head hurt when he first got up in the morning, or if he moved around too much at one time. When he inhaled, he felt a slight pressure on his left side, which only got more intense if he lived his arm above his head. At first, he’d tried to convince himself it was nothing, that it was just bruised and it would go away in a few days, but it had been nearly three weeks, and it was only getting worse. 

 

Haru didn’t want to raise the alarm over nothing, but he was starting to get a little scared. 

 

It happened one night around three am. Haru was jolted out of a dead sleep with a pressure on his chest and head like no other. He couldn’t inhale without being in severe pain, and moving was out of the question. He took in as deep of a breath as he could manage and yelled for his mom. 

 

An agonizing moment later, she was there, asking what was wrong, and Haru told her through quick sentences and short breaths. Another few minutes, and all three of them were in the car, on the way to the ER. 

 

Haru was admitted, and taken back immediately to be looked at, and he was left with the image of watching his parents shrink away before the double doors swung closed, and he was alone. 

 

****

 

When he came to, Haru knew he was still in the ICU, and he wasn’t alone. There was too much noise, too many different kinds of rhythmic beeping, for him not to be. He was at the end of a room, with two other patients sleeping beside him. He was closest to the window, and he watched cars go in and out of the lot. He felt something poking out of his chest, and he briefly wondered what it was, but he didn’t have the energy to investigate right then. 

 

He gave himself another couple minutes to get used to his surroundings, and then hit the call button on his remote. 

 

“Good morning, Haru!” Came a crackly voice. 

 

“Morning,” he replied. 

 

“How are you feeling today?” 

 

“Very tired.” 

 

After a few moments, his nurse came in to check on him, followed by his parents, who grabbed him in for a hug, and explained what happened. His headache had been brought on by poor oxygenation, and his chest was just deeply bruised. Haru guessed that was to be expected after hitting it on a steering wheel numerous times over the last few weeks. 

 

They’d taken a liter and a half of fluid off his lungs, and were still draining more. Which, he guessed, explained the tube in his chest. That also could have explained some of the pain he’d been having as well. He looked over the edge of his bed, and sure enough, there was a clear bladder filled with amber liquid that came from him. He had to resist the urge to poke it. 

 

His mother told him they would have to set him back up on a BiPAP machine when he went home to help him breathe through the night, and Haru felt a chill run down his back. He remembered being hooked up to that every night as a child, and being terrified of it. He hoped he’d never have to deal with that thing again. 

 

More than that, though, he hoped he’d never have as much pain as he’d been having again. So, if he had to deal with one of the two, he’d rather it be the Big, Scary, Machine That Kept Him Alive. It would be delivered sometime after they got back home. 

  
  


*****

 

Haru was moved to a different room in the ICU that was semi-private, and his mother came to visit him in the late afternoon. Her eyes were puffy and tired, and he felt terrible for making her worry. She sat by his bed, a hand on top of his, and squeezed it now and then as if to affirm that he was still alive and okay. 

 

“You really scared us.” She whispered. “Did it just come on all at once like that, or were there signs earlier on in the day?” 

 

“I’ve had a headache for awhile now. Same with the chest pain.” 

 

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

 

Haru shrugged, not knowing what to say. “I thought it might have been nothing. I didn’t want to worry everyone over a headache.” 

 

“Haru,” His mother replied, her eyes stern, “Pain isn’t ‘nothing’. Especially for you. When did you start noticing it?” 

 

Haru thought back to his first driving lesson with Makoto, unable to remember when exactly it was. “Maybe three weeks ago? But it wasn’t… I got slammed into a steering wheel, I thought it was just a bruise.” 

 

“Steering wheel? How would you hit it on a steering wheel?” 

 

_ Goodbye driving lessons,  _ Haru thought to himself. “Makoto’s been trying to teach me to drive on the weekends and after school. I’m getting pretty good at it. Until I have to stop.” 

 

“Haru--” 

 

“I  _ know _ , I know it’s dangerous, and I probably shouldn’t worry about it, but it’s… kinda fun. And didn’t you say yourself you wanted me to be a normal kid?” 

 

His mother was quiet for a moment, then gave him a pained smile and squeezed his hand again. “I was just going to say, you need to be careful not to get  _ him  _ in trouble driving. If you want to learn, let’s worry about getting your permit.  _ Then  _ you can tear up the city.”

 

Haru grinned and, with a bit of pain and some serious assistance from his mother, he leaned over and hugged her as tightly as he could. “Thank you.” 

 

****

 

Haru was in the ICU a total of four days before he realized nobody had probably told Makoto what happened. He didn’t think he had his phone with him, since they weren’t usually allowed back there, and only hoped that the brunette wasn’t too worried about him. He could see Makoto freaking out over unanswered texts, and going over to his house to find nobody there. Haru was hit was hit with a wave of anxiety for the other boy, and tried to will his lungs to get better quicker so he could go home and get back to his life in the taller boy’s passenger seat, watching as the sun caught the green in his eyes and made them shine like the brightest gems in the world. 

 

His nurse confirmed his suspicions the next time she came to see him, and told him that he couldn’t use his phone. “But, if you’re worried about the boy who’s been here looking for you, he’s fine.” 

 

His heart felt lighter in his chest than it had in awhile, and Haru could feel it pounding against his ribs. “What’s he look like?” 

 

“Very tall, brown hair, and a smile that could knock even the meanest of old women off their feet. He’s been here the last couple days asking if he could see you. He’s been hanging out with your parents a lot.” 

 

Haru couldn’t stop the smile from tugging at his lips, and rested back against his bed. At least he knew, he thought to himself. If nothing else, at least he wasn’t turning the city upside down looking for him and wondering if he was okay. Haru resolved to make sure Makoto was told immediately the next time this happened, just to give him some peace of mind. 

  
  


It was another two days, and several tests and scans later, before he was finally released and able to go home. He was given his phone back by his mother, and out of curiosity, he opened up his message thread with Makoto. There were two messages from the morning after he was admitted, followed by one later on in the afternoon. The last two were from the next day. 

 

**_Do you have any other good movies for me?_ **

**_You’re probably taking a nap, or studying. Text me back later!_ **

**_Haru?_ **

**_Are you going to be at group this week? Do you need a ride?_ **

**_Haru, I’m getting worried._ **

 

Finally, it looked like his mother had taken pity on the taller boy, and replied. 

 

**Makoto, it’s Haru’s mom.  Haru is in the ICU w/ fluid on his lungs.  We’re waiting for news. I’ll try to keep you posted.**

 

Makoto had replied. 

 

**_Is he okay? Would it be okay if I came up to see him?_ **

 

**They’re not letting anybody but family back, but I’m sure Haru would be happy to know you’re thinking about him.**

 

The rest of the messages were the occasional back and forth, his mother letting his friend know the developments, Makoto asking if he could come, his mother letting him know how long they would be there, and where they were. 

 

Haru was touched that Makoto cared so much for him, and as he sat back in his seat, watching the city fly by him as he made his way home, he thought about the other boy, and how soon he could see him again. 

 

**Hey, it’s me; I’m on my way home. I’ll not be moving for a few days, and would appreciate some company.**

 

**_Haru!?_ ** Came the reply a moment later,  **_Are you okay? What happened? How are you feeling?_ **

 

Another smiled tugged at his lips, and Haru typed out a quick answer. 

 

**One question at a time, there, backstroke boy. I’m fine, and I got fluid drained from my lungs. I’m tired, but I want to see you. How soon can you come over?**

 

Makoto didn’t reply until they got home, and Haru was set up on the couch with a pillow, blanket, and an ocean documentary marathon on TV. He snuggled himself into his little nest and got himself comfortable, when his phone buzzed. 

 

**_You need some time to rest today. I can come over tomorrow after school if you want? Nagisa and Rei missed you last week at the ice cream place._ **

 

**That sounds perfect. Do they know I’m okay?**

 

**_Rei does. I’m sure he’s told Nagisa; They were both really worried._ **

 

Haru sighed, setting his phone down for a moment, and turned his attention to the TV. He hated that he’d worried his friends like that, and it only made him think about what would happen the next time, or the time after that, or, if it happened and he didn’t recover, what they would do? He didn’t want them to be upset, or wasting their time worrying over him and what happened. He wanted his friends to be happy, not  _ this.  _

 

He ended up falling asleep shortly afterwards, his mind going on a rampage of guilt and anxiety over his friends, and what he would do if this ever happened again. 

 

~~~~~

 

Haru had fallen asleep on the couch the night before while watching a documentary on deep sea fish. He’d dozed on and off all through the next day, and was woken up in the afternoon by a text saying Makoto was on his way. He checked the time stamp on the message, and only had a few minutes to ready before the brunette would be there. He hurried as fast as he could up the stairs, throwing on whatever didn’t smell terrible, and ran to the bathroom to quickly brush his teeth. He looked at himself in the mirror, and saw, with horror, that he had a ducktail sitting up in the back of his head. Haru wet it, and brushed at it, but it always popped back up with a protest. Panicked and knowing his hair was a lost cause; having spent the whole night in one position, there was nothing he could do to get it to lay flat without getting a shower at this point, and there wasn’t time for that. 

 

He hurried back to his room and grabbed a beanie, pulling it down over his hair in hopes it would hide his shame, and padded back downstairs. Haru had enough time to catch his breath before the doorbell rang, and with a thankful curse, he opened it. 

 

“I’m so glad you’re okay!” Makoto said, grabbing him into the tightest hug of his life. If Haru could have moved, he would have hugged the taller boy back. Instead, he managed a squeak about needing oxygen, and was released. “Sorry.” 

 

“It’s fine,” Haru replied. “Just need to breathe, is all.” He looked up at his friend and smiled, stepping aside so he could walk in. Makoto made his way over to the couch and sat down, looking a little awkward about what just happened. Haru took the spot next to him and folded up his blanket, setting it off to the side for now, and cleared his throat. “So, what’d I miss in group last week?” 

 

“Nothing much.” The other shrugged. “Momo talked about how he forced Nitori to go bug hunting with him, and Nitori got freaked out by a frog and they had to go home. Ai wasn’t too happy about him sharing that.” He shook his head. “Miss A asked Rei what he’s been doing lately, and he blurted out that he’d made a new friend, and fumbled his way through talking about Nagisa for a minute before everyone finally had mercy on him and changed the subject.” 

 

“I’m glad they’ve gotten so close.” 

 

“I don’t think Rei had a choice in the matter. Nagisa glued himself to the poor guy. But he doesn’t seem to mind too much.” Makoto chuckled. Things got quiet for a few moments, before Makoto spoke up again. “You scared everyone in group.” He told Haru. “You weren’t there, and everyone got really quiet, and it was really… It was really somber.” 

 

Haru didn’t believe that. He never spoke to anybody in group aside from Rei, Makoto, Miss A, and occasionally Ai or Momo. He didn’t have any other friends aside from that. “They were probably just being nice.” He said. 

 

The brunette gave him a patient smile, and took a breath. “They’re glad you’re okay. I told them everything I knew, and Miss A told me to tell you not to scare her like that again.” 

 

That got a small grin out of the shorter boy, and he couldn’t wait to see their group leader again and give her a little hell for the threat. 

 

“How are you feeling now?” 

 

“Hmm?” 

 

“Are you alright since getting out of the ER? Are you still having pain? I’m so sorry, Haru. I wouldn’t have made you keep driving if I knew you were hurt.” 

 

Haru shook his head. “No, it’s alright, I’m the one who wanted to keep going. And I’m fine. No more pain.” He assured Makoto. “Just glad to be home after all that.” 

 

The other boy nodded, leaning back in his seat finally, and closed his eyes. He looked exhausted, Haru noted, and shifted a little in his seat to get a better look at him. Makoto looked like he hadn’t had a good night’s rest in about a week - which he probably hadn’t, thanks to him -, and he seemed tense, which, for the brunette, was unheard of. Haru had never seen him like that before, and it worried him. It made him wonder how much of it he himself had brought on, and he didn’t like the thought. Haru wanted to apologize for making him so worried, but he also didn’t want Mako to know he’d noticed. He didn’t want to make him feel bad for not hiding it. 

 

Instead, Haru pulled his feet up onto the couch, and leaned against the back, letting his own eyes fall closed for a moment, and breathed in time with the other boy. 

 

After a few minutes, Makoto’s breathing evened out, and Haru chuckled to himself, knowing the taller boy had fallen asleep. 

 

~~~~~~

 

Group that following Wednesday was filled with questions. Everyone wanted to know first hand what happened, and if he was okay, and how long he had to be in the ER, and every other little detail they could squeeze out of him. By the end of it, Haru was exhausted. 

 

Thankfully, Rei and Makoto helped out where they could, taking some of the questions they could, and eventually, asking everyone to stop pestering him so he could relax. He didn’t have much to say when asked what he’d been up to lately when it came to be his turn, and that was alright. Haru explained that he was now officially hooked back up to the BiPAP, and it was hard to sleep with it making noise all night. It helped him breathe, though, and that was more important than anything. 

 

****

 

The ice cream parlor was empty when they got there, and Nagisa was talking at the counter with a redhead, who was a little irritated at him by the sounds of things. When the bell jingled, Nagisa’s head snapped around, and he waved at them all to come over. They walked up to the counter, and the blond greeted them all with a huge smile. “This is Gou. She’s the one who’s been helping me with all my new creations. Gou, this is Mako, Rei, and Haru.” 

 

The girl looked very familiar to Haru. He knew he’d seen her somewhere before, but he wasn’t sure where. It was driving him nuts, not knowing. Gou… where did he know that name? “We’ve actually met before,” She said, cutting into his thoughts as she shook his hand. “I’m Gou Matsuoka. I’m Rin’s little sister.” 

 

The smile slipped from Haru’s face and his blood ran cold at the mention of his former best friend. His hand dropped away from hers, and he managed a forced smile at her before stepping back. He could see the resemblance now that he looked at her. “You’re a lot older than the last time I saw you.” He said quietly. 

 

“And you have a lot more tubes than the last time I saw you.” She replied. “It’s good to see you, Haru. Rin’ll be glad to know you’re doing alright.” 

 

Rin… Of course she’d tell her brother she’d seen him. Feeling a pressure starting to rise in his chest, Haru excused himself on the grounds that he needed to sit down, and hurried off to the booth that was farthest away from the counter. 

 

After a moment, Rei came and sat beside him, holding a small receipt in his hand. Makoto was still at the counter, talking with Gou and Nagisa, and Haru figured he’d be there for awhile. He leaned back in his seat, sighing to himself, and closed his eyes. He shouldn’t have freaked out like he did after seeing Gou, he knew he shouldn’t have, but he just wasn’t expecting to see someone from his past, especially someone directly related to Rin. 

 

Rei noticed Haru had left and, after looking around for a moment, discovered him sitting off by himself. With a frown, he excused himself from the group and made his way over, taking a seat across from his friend, and leaned his elbows on the table. The two sat in awkward silence for a moment while Haru worked himself out of a panic attack, and Rei finally asked. “Are you alright?” 

 

“No, but don’t tell Makoto.” 

 

“Who was she?” 

 

Haru glanced back up to the counter, and saw Makoto and Nagisa still talking to Gou. “She’s the sister of a guy I used to know. I just… I wasn’t expecting to see her.” 

 

“Bad guy?” 

 

“No,” Haru shook his head. “Pre-diagnosis friend. Just… didn’t end very well.” 

 

“I see.” Rei replied, falling silent while he thought of something else to say. “You really scared him, you know?” Rei admitted quietly. “He called me up really early Monday morning, wondering if I’d heard from you or not, and got really nervous when I said I hadn’t. He spent all Monday in a panic wondering what was going on.” 

 

“I feel terrible.” Haru admitted, eyes falling on Makoto’s back.

 

“Don’t. He got over it fine, but, Haru, there’s something I want to talk to you about.” Rei waited until he had Haru’s attention before continuing. “Makoto is… He cares very deeply for you. More than anybody else outside of his family. You’re more important to him than you know. Just… if anything happens like this again, if it’s at all possible, don’t leave him in suspense for days on end.” 

 

Haru felt even worse about not telling anything to the taller boy after hearing Rei’s request. It made him happy, though, knowing that he was apparently that important to the other boy. “I’ll try. And he’s pretty special to me, too.” 

 

Rei smiled. “We know. Anybody who watches the two of you knows. And if I were you, I’d do something about it. Guys like him don’t come around very often.” 

 

No, they really didn’t, Haru thought to himself. His eyes landed on Makoto’s back again, and a smile tugged at his lips. He was leaned in, talking to Gou and writing something down while Nagisa got everyone’s ice cream together. After a moment and some careful balancing that Haru didn’t know the blond could do, he came over, holding all of their treats in his hands, and plopped down beside Haru, and the conversation was dropped. 

 

Nagisa asked him a few questions about what happened, and if he was alright, and listened intently while Haru explained what the BiPAP was and he thought it sounded kind of cool. After a moment, though, his attention was back on the brunette, who was slipping a piece of paper into his pocket as he made his way over to them, casting one more look at the girl behind the counter as he did so. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright! We're finally getting somewhere with this!! Hope everyone is enjoying their week and staying hydrated in the heat! :D


	7. The Truth about Rin

It had been over a week since Makoto’s conversation with Gou Matsuoka, and Haru was still wondering what was on the piece of paper he had hidden from them all. Logically, he knew it was probably nothing, but the way the brunette had acted after he sat down, and how he had pocketed the damn thing, made Haru wonder if Rei had misread whatever was between them, and Makoto wasn’t interested in him as anything other than a friend.

 

What else could it have been, though, if it wasn’t Gou’s number? What else would have made him awkwardly pocket whatever was written on the paper and keep the subject off of what had just happened? Haru couldn’t think of anything, and as time wore on, he felt stupid for allowing himself to hope that maybe, just maybe, Makoto liked him, too. 

 

Feeling depressed and confused, Haru lay staring at his dark ceiling, as the BiPap breathed for him. 

 

*****

“Haru,” 

 

Haru lazily turned his head, his eyes taking a moment to focus on the boy sitting on his floor. Makoto was over again, and the two had barely said a word to each other for nearly fifteen minutes now. Haru couldn’t think of anything to say that wasn’t an outright question or demand to know what happened with Gou, and he didn’t want to come off as jealous. It wasn’t his business what Makoto did, anyways. 

 

So, instead, Haru kept his mouth shut and only communicated with the other boy in a series of grunts and noises appropriate for the moment. “Yeah?” 

 

“Are you alright?” 

 

Haru shifted his gaze away from the brunette and stared at his ceiling. “I’m fine.” 

 

“You’ve barely said a word since I got here.” 

 

“Just tired.” 

 

“Should I leave…?” 

 

“No!” Haru replied, a little panicked. He could have kicked himself for acting the way he had been. The last thing he wanted was for Makoto to leave right now and drive a wedge between them. He shut his eyes and exhaled before sitting up and leaning back against the wall. “You can sit here if you want.” 

 

After a moment, the taller boy got to his feet, wincing a little as he stood up and shifted his weight onto his prosthetic. He gratefully took the spot beside Haru on the mattress, gently scooting back until he was leaning against the wall with his companion. “Thanks, man, the floor was really starting to hurt my back.” 

 

“Sorry.” Haru muttered, keeping his eyes away from him. 

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Makoto shoot him one of those smiles that made him melt. “No worries.” He said. “It’s your room, anyways.” 

 

Haru’s shoulders slumped just a little at how easily he’d been forgiven. Makoto didn’t even seem a  _ little  _ upset over the way he’d been acting today. It was kindness that Haru thought he didn’t deserve. It was a moment or two later that Haru realized things had gotten too quiet again. 

 

To break up the monotony of quiet, Makoto’s eyes roamed around the room again, looking for something to talk about, and eventually his gaze fell back to the picture on Haru’s desk. “What exactly happened between you and Rin?” 

 

“My diagnosis.” Haru answered dismissively. “I told you that.” 

 

“I know that,” Makoto said levelly, turning his attention to the boy beside him. The corners of his mouth were tugged down, and Haru chided himself for acting like such a jerk. “I was just curious about what  _ happened.”  _

 

Sighing, Haru got to his feet and walked over to pick up the picture. He didn’t want to open that door if he could help it, because Rin’s memory only upset him. Though he didn’t feel right keeping the other boy in the dark, either. He knew the brunette had a right to know if he was curious, and he obviously was, or he wouldn’t keep asking about it. “I’ll tell you sometime, alright? Just not right now.” 

 

A nod was the only answer he got. 

~~~~~

 

At Group the following Wednesday, they all experienced their first real bit of excitement. 

 

Nitori had come in by himself, just as everyone was beginning to discuss marking him absent, hair disheveled and face flushed. The gray-haired boy took his seat next to Momo, ignoring his friend’s concerned look, and leaned back in his chair.  

 

It struck Haru as a bit odd, seeing as Aiichiro usually was one of the first there, and always waited to greet them out front. They’d taken to walking inside with him and chatting contentedly until Momo finally came along. Haru liked the two of them, even though Nitori was excitable at the best of times, and Momo was a bit too loud. They were good kids. 

 

Ai didn’t have much to say that afternoon. He wasn’t usually up for sharing a ton, but he was never monosyllabic, as he was now. When asked how he was, he replied with either “fine,” “tired,” or “good.” never elaborating or offering anything else to it. He mostly kept to himself, arms folded across his stomach, and looking for all the world like he could fall asleep. 

 

Rei was in the middle of sharing a story about his week when suddenly Aiichiro sat up, his hand quickly going to cover his nose, the sleeve of his cardigan being tugged down over his hand. “I’m sorry!” he said quickly, looking around at everyone in a mild panic. After a moment, it became clear why. The sleeve of his sweater was stained red with blood, as was the boy’s top lip tinged pink. 

 

A fresh stream started to drip from his nose, and Miss A jumped up, hurrying over to the snack table and grabbing a handful of napkins, which she then handed off to Ai. He shoved the whole stack up to his nose and leaned even farther back until he was staring at the ceiling, muttering muffled apologies to everyone for disrupting the meeting. 

 

Everyone assured him that it was okay, and the others quickly finished recounting their weeks. Much to his dismay, after that, the rest of the meeting was focused on Nitori and his nose. 

 

***

 

“Do you get nosebleeds a lot?” Makoto asked as their small group walked out.

 

Ai shrugged, absentmindedly wiping his nose again. “I used to get them when I was younger, but it hasn’t happened for a couple years. I was just starting to think that maybe they wouldn’t come back.” He chuckled nervously, his cheeks turning pink. “I should have known better.” 

 

Haru’s eyes drifted over to the door that lead to the pool as they passed by it, that same old longing filling his heart again. He wanted nothing more than to at least slip inside and smell the chemicals, maybe dip his foot in, just so he could feel some amount like his old self again. He sighed, his shoulders dropping a little, and turned away. As he did so, his eyes landed on Momo, his red hair bobbing in and out of focus on the other side of Makoto. There was a pensive look on his face that didn’t at all suit him, and he kept glancing over at Nitori. Momo wasn’t a quiet person, he didn’t think too deeply on things, or, in Haru’s memory, wear a frown. 

 

He couldn’t help but wonder what was going on in his head. 

 

~~~

Haru spent a lot of the next few weeks trying to figure out how to explain about Rin. Makoto had been very patient with him so far, and Haru appreciated it. After their last conversation on the subject, Makoto seemed to have grasped that this wouldn’t be easy for him to just come out with, and was allowing him a little breathing room with it. 

 

Nobody really knew the extent of what happened between them; not even his own parents knew the full details. It wasn’t a story Haru was keen on repeating to anybody if he could help it. He still held onto a lot of guilt over how things ended with his friend, and he didn’t want to push himself down farther than he was already with reliving it. Rin had tried to - more than Haru would have ever expected anybody to - stay friends, but Haru just continued to push him away until he couldn’t take it anymore. 

 

There wasn’t a happy resolution to it.

 

When Makoto came over and spent time in Haru’s room, his eyes always landed on the same photograph, and wondered about the mysteries behind it. What had happened that made Haru close off the way it obviously had? What did this strange Rin person  _ do  _ to him? Sometimes, he’d catch Haru looking at him as he stared at the picture, and he’d feel bad. He knew this wasn’t easy for the dark-haired boy, and he didn’t want to push him into talking before he was ready. Curiosity and concern, however, were starting to get the best of him.  

 

~~~~~~

 

It was time. Haru knew it needed to be now, before he lost his nerve again. He’d been telling himself that he needed to do this for weeks, now. His fingers would hover over Makoto’s number, and he’d be ready to text him and tell him to come over, and he’d chicken out at the last second and put it off another day. And another. And another. And another. But today… Today, he’d finally gathered up enough courage to explain.

 

It was a Wednesday, which meant Group, which meant he had a good excuse time to spend with the other boy. Haru decided to strike after they’d finished up at the ice cream parlor and dropped Rei off. Surely Makoto wouldn’t object too strongly to hanging out with him a little longer, would he? Haru hoped not. 

 

He had gotten up before his alarm and lay in bed for just a little longer, not ready to start his morning yet. He messed around on his phone a little, checking his neglected social medias, before he finally talked himself into getting up. He got unhooked from the machine, placed the nubbins for his tank in his nose, and padded down to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Haru went over the script in his head for a sixth time, making sure everything sounded okay, and thought he would be able to memorize it by the time he finally told it to the brunette. 

 

The day felt like it was never going to end. Haru had all of his homework finished by 1:00, and he’d burned through all of the documentaries on Netflix and his DVR, he was out of canvases to craft with, and he was too nervous to even consider a nap. He turned the TV on and surfed channels for a long while, willing time to move along a bit faster. 

 

Finally, when Makoto text him that he and Rei were leaving school, Haru decided to go outside. Usually, they dropped their things off at home before coming to get him, but he didn’t care. He was tired of being cooped up in the house, and thought some sunshine would feel good. He told his mom what he was doing, and went to sit on the front step while he waited for his ride. 

 

He was leaning against the house, eyes closed and feeling himself drifting off in the warmth, when he heard Makoto’s SUV pull up. Haru cracked an eye open as the vehicle idled by the curb, and the brunette was grinning at him from the driver’s side. Haru smiled back, grabbed his tank, and yelled inside that he was leaving, before going out to meet them. 

 

As usual, Rei was not in a fantastic mood, and immediately started ranting to them about Nagisa when the door was shut. According to him, Nagisa had been following him around like a puppy since he’d fixed the blond’s bag, and he didn’t know how to feel about it. He was annoyed, because it never felt like he had a minute to himself at school anymore, but there was something close to fondness his voice that betrayed his true feelings. Haru leaned back in his seat, smiling to himself as his friend complained, knowing that he wouldn’t have it any other way, even if he could. 

 

They were the first ones there. Makoto pulled into a parking spot near the front and killed the engine, but made no move to get out just yet. Haru looked at his watch, and was surprised to see that they were actually a little early. His eyes scanned the parking lot, looking for Nitori’s mother’s car. He should have been arriving soon, and would be anxious for someone to come along so he didn’t have to walk in alone. Haru shifted in his seat, turning to look behind him for any sign of the younger boy, but was nowhere in sight. He frowned, worrying a little about what that meant. 

 

Nitori hadn’t shown up the last couple weeks due to a really bad case of the flu, but he had assured them all (through Momo acting as a proxy) that he would be back today. 

 

The three sat in the car just a little bit longer, until some of the other kids were dropped off, and then decided to go ahead and follow them in. Rei was out first, stretching his limbs and hurrying along, leaving the other two alone. Makoto waited patiently for Haru to get ready and shot him a smile when he got out of the car. He wasn’t moving as fast as usual, but Haru wasn’t complaining; walking too fast usually exhausted him by the time they got back to the meeting room. He waited until they were outside the doors before tugging on Makoto’s sleeve and stopping him. “I need to talk to you after group.” He said, blue eyes meeting green for one moment. 

 

Makoto nodded, eyes flickering to the door for one brief second. “Is everything okay?” 

 

“Yeah.” Haru replied, “but I think it’s time I gave you an explanation. About Rin.” 

 

Makoto’s lips tugged upwards, and he squeezed Haru’s arm gently as a means of support, and held the door open so the shorter boy could go in first. 

 

~~~~

 

Group seemed to drag on agonizingly slow. It never went very fast, but this was exceptionally bad. Momo had come in alone, very late, and apologized four or five times before they could get what happened out of him. 

 

He’d been at the hospital. 

 

Nitori’s cancer had come back. 

 

Everything fell silent for a few moments, everyone in the room was worried, but thankful that it wasn’t them this time. 

 

According to Momo, Nitori hadn’t been acting right for awhile. Ever since his nosebleed in group, he had been having them more and more often. At first, Momo hadn’t been too concerned about it because nosebleeds happened sometimes, but as they started happening a couple times a day, his concern grew. 

 

He’d brought it up to his friend, but Ai insisted that he was fine, and it was just a fluke that they were coming on like this. He was reassured for the moment, but as time went on and the warning signs got bigger and bigger, he could have kicked himself for insisting his friend go to the doctor sooner.

 

Momo tried not to get worked up over Nitori being too tired to come to group the last couple weeks, and wanted to convince himself that when he took a really bad fell in PE, that the reason his bruises weren’t healing was because of how hard he hit the ground, and that when he tried to help him up, the reason he was so frail was because he’d been sick. 

 

He tried so hard to rationalize it all to himself, but he knew, deep in his heart, what was really going on. He just needed a chance to talk to Ai and convince him to go get checked out. 

 

His chance came the following weekend. He’d somehow convinced his friend to spend the next couple days with him, as his family was going out of town, and they said Nitori could come with them. Aside from being extremely tired, he had been acting normal on Friday.

 

The two boys woke up early Saturday morning, as Momo wanted to hunt for bugs, and needed someone to carry his jars. At first, he thought the gray-haired boy was acting strange because he wasn’t used to being up so early, but even after the two got back and Ai took a nap, he wasn’t exactly acting normal. 

 

As the day wore on, he seemed to be getting more and more out of it, and when on his third nosebleed of the day, Momo’s older brother was concerned enough to call Ai’s parents and tell them what was going on. Ai kept insisting to everyone that he was fine and just hadn’t been sleeping well. All he needed was some good rest. 

 

Sunday afternoon came along, and Nitori still wasn’t out of bed yet. He went to check on him, and found that Ai couldn’t really even get up without help, and that was enough. Seijuro called his parents again, then the squad, and Nitori was admitted to the hospital. They ran several blood tests on him through the evening, and it was confirmed that his cancer was back. He’d been poked and prodded and pricked so many times that his arms looked like mince meat by Monday morning. 

 

Right now, he was resting and trying to get his strength back up some, and then he would be starting chemo. 

 

After that, Momo shifted in his seat, turned his eyes down, and was as quiet as Haru through the rest of the session. 

 

~~~~

 

“We should go see him.” Rei piped up, scooting to the middle of the back seat. “Ai, I mean. We should go see him sometime.” 

 

“He would like that.” Makoto agreed, giving his friend an approving smile. “What do you think, Haru?” 

 

Blinking, Haru’s gaze shifted between his friends and shrugged. “I’ll go if you guys want to. But do you know what room he’s in?” 

 

“Momo hasn’t left yet, has he?” Rei asked, scanning the parking lot for the redhead. He spotted him heading over to a car, and opened his door. “Momo!” He yelled, getting out and running over to him. Haru and Makoto watched as Rei hurried up to the smaller boy, chatting with him for a moment, and pulling out his phone and letting Momo put his number in. They chatted for a moment longer, and Rei came sprinting back to them. 

 

“What was that about?” Haru asked.

 

Breathless, Rei handed the dark haired boy his phone. “He wants us to have his number. He said if we go up tomorrow, he needs a ride, his brother has work, and he can’t get up there himself. He said he’d meet us somewhere if we don’t want to pick him up at school. He said thanks in advance.” 

 

Haru and Makoto both programmed the number into their own phones before the brunette pulled out of the lot and headed towards the ice cream parlor for their weekly treat. 

 

******

 

Usually, by this time, Haru was exhausted and ready to crawl under his blankets at home. Group always wiped him almost completely out, and Nagisa did a good job of finishing what was left. He longed for those brief moments when they dropped Rei off and it was just he and Makoto for a little while longer while the brunette drove him back home. He never pressured Haru to talk, or made him feel like he had to. Makoto filled the silence with little bits of chatter that Haru loved to listen to and never felt pressured to respond to. 

 

That was one of the things he loved about the taller boy. Makoto understood him in ways that nobody else did, not even his parents. He  _ got it,  _ and never really made Haru feel pressured into doing or saying anything back to him. He was content going on with his nervous chatter because it made him feel better to talk, and Haru felt good just listening. 

  
  
  


Nagisa was waiting for them when they got the parlor, and was already grinning when they walked in. They always ended up getting the same thing, and today, the blond had it ready and waiting for them. He handed them all their stuff, and ended up wandering over to chat for awhile once they’d gotten settled in. Haru noticed how Nagisa stuck to Rei more than the rest of them, how he joked with him, and how  _ close _ he kept to their friend. It reminded Haru of how he tended to gravitate more to Makoto than anybody else. 

 

And, as he suspected, Rei didn’t seem to mind all that much. He joked right back, and, even though he was a bit flustered by Nagisa’s closeness, didn’t attempt to shoo him away. 

 

~~~~

 

When Rei was finally dropped off at home, Haru was a nervous wreck. His hands were clenched around the legs of his pants, white-knuckling the fabric, and his eyes were shut as he tried to calm down. He took in a couple of the deepest breaths he could manage, and tried to loosen the grip on his jeans some while Makoto pulled away from their friend’s house. 

 

“Haru?” 

 

“Yeah?” 

 

“Are you okay?” 

 

Haru opened his eyes. The car was stopped, idling just a little ways away from Rei’s, and Makoto was looking at him with the deepest concern he’d ever seen on the brunette’s face, and nodded. “Just a little nervous.” 

 

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.” 

 

“I do.” Haru replied, glancing at him. “I need to. It’s just a lot to tell.” 

 

Makoto nodded, still not stepping back on the gas just yet, and swallowed. “Don’t force yourself to talk if you’re not ready.” 

 

“I’ll be okay.” 

 

“Okay.” 

 

“Okay.” 

 

Haru ran over his speech in his head again while Makoto drove. He wasn’t sure where the other boy was taking them, but at the moment, that was the least of his concerns. His anxiety was getting to him now, and it was going insane worrying about the other boy’s reaction to it all. What would he say? What would he think about him when it was over? Would Makoto think he was out of line for the way he acted? Would it change things? Haru wasn’t sure, and that scared the hell out of him. 

 

He didn’t think he could handle it if he drove Makoto away like that. 

 

Eventually, the car stopped, and Haru realized they were near the river. He could see the water churning just a little ways in front of him, and he longed to be closer to it. The water would calm him down some. If he could hear it, or be close enough to smell it or feel it, he would be okay. He just needed to get out of the car. He needed to convince Makoto to get out, too. 

 

The brunette killed the engine, and for a few uncomfortable seconds, they sat in silence. It was thick enough in the car that Haru thought he might be able to cut the tension with a knife if he wanted. “Do you want to get out?” He asked eventually. 

 

“If you want to, sure.” Makoto had his door open, and Haru followed suit, gently lowering his cart onto the ground and following a little behind the other boy while they looked for a bench to sit on. 

 

They found one near the water, and Haru sat perched on the edge, his back so tense it felt like piano wire. He could see Makoto wince and sit down beside him out of the corner of his eye, and he leaned forward, his elbows propped up on his legs, his chin in his hands, and he was watching him. 

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Makoto nodded, still a little tense, and smiled at him. “I’m fine, Haru. Just a little stiff, is all.” 

 

“Okay.” 

 

For another moment, Haru fixed his eyes on the water in front of him as he attempted to gather his thoughts. He’d spent so much time preparing for this moment, but now, all of the work and courage he’d put into it had abandoned him. He stalled for another second or two, and then the story spilled out before he could stop it. 

 

“Rin and I swam together in middle school. We were best friends, and it was only natural we ended up on the team together before too long. Rin was always competitive, every time we had a spare minute, he always was trying to race me, or one up me; it was so stupid, looking back on it.” Haru started, a smile tugging at one of the corners of his mouth. “We pushed each other, we kept the other going through everything. We were unbeatable with relays. It was… kind of a dream team. They always said we could be Olympians if we kept at it. Rin really wanted that, I… didn’t.” 

 

“Freshman year, we went out for the high school team, but I started feeling really bad. I tried to keep up with everyone, but my chest hurt all the time, and I couldn’t catch my breath, and it got so bad, I had to stop. One night, the pain got so bad, I ended up in the hospital, and, ‘surprise, Mr. Nanase, it’s cancer!’. Swimming career over, just like that.” 

 

“Haru, I--”   


“It’s okay.” Haru replied, finally looking over at Makoto for the first time since he started talking. “After my diagnosis, Rin kept swimming. My spot was replaced by a guy named Sousuke, and life went on without me. I hated it. I hated that I was left without a future, and life just went on as if I’d never been part of it. It wasn’t fair.” He paused for a moment, eyes falling to the water in front of them, and took a breath. “Rin still came over to hang out after practice and told me everything that went on. Sousuke was nice, and everyone on the team really liked him. Everyone liked him. They were getting close, and… it got to me. A lot more than it should have. All I wanted was to swim, to feel as calm as I did when I was in the water. But because my lungs were shitty, and my body was under-oxygenated, I couldn’t do the one thing in life that made me happy. It wasn’t fair.” 

 

“It finally came to a head. He came to see me one day, and started going on about this relay that was coming up, and he asked if I’d come. I snapped. I told him no, I wouldn’t dream of going to some stupid relay I wasn’t even part of, because why would I? I asked him if he realized how insensitive it was to keep coming here, bragging about doing what I couldn’t, while I was stuck inside waiting to die.” Haru closed his eyes, ashamed of himself for how he’d acted, and felt his jaw clench a little. He kept his head down, unable to look at the brunette next to him, and wondered how much longer Makoto would want to deal with him after hearing how petty he was. “He called me out for what I said and told me I was being a dick. I told him I hated him and never wanted to see him again. He left after that, and I didn’t hear from him for a long time. It gave me awhile to think about how awful I’d been. I just wanted things to go back to normal, and I knew they couldn’t. It sucked. I wanted my friend back.” 

 

Haru felt Makoto’s hand on his shoulder and he had to resist to melt into the touch. He still couldn’t bring himself to look up, but knowing the brunette wasn’t repulsed by him was something. “Rin… tried. He came over a few times after he’d cooled off, but never for very long. It was uncomfortable for both of us, and eventually, I started telling my mom I didn’t feel good enough for company. He tried calling a few times, IM’d me, text me, and when that didn’t work, he even sent a letter explaining that he was sorry. For what? He had nothing to apologize for. I… never replied. To anything. I didn’t feel like I deserved to. The only reason I even know he’s in Australia is because my mom ran into his mom at the store, and she told her.” His shoulders sagged and he sat back, finished with his tale, and felt worse about himself than he had in a very long time. Haru still carried the guilt of what happened between himself and Rin heavily on his shoulders, and he wondered sometimes about what the redhead would say about him now if he could see him. 

 

“Have you ever thought about trying to contact him now?” The brunette finally asked. 

 

Haru shook his head, giving himself a moment of stall time before he answered. “He probably hates me by now.” 

 

“What if he doesn’t?” 

 

“What would be the point? It all happened a long time ago, he’s probably forgotten all about me. And besides… I don’t think I could face him after everything.” 

 

Makoto’s hand was on his shoulder again, and Haru could feel the warmth the touch brought with it spread through his body. “Nobody could forget you, Haru. Or hate you. I’m sure Rin understands why you did what you did. I’m sure he doesn’t hold it against you. You should try to talk to him.” 

 

Makoto seemed so sincere with his words that it broke his heart a little to hear them. The other boy was entirely too good to be real, to be sitting here wasting his time with him, and Haru felt guilty for it. Makoto deserved the world, and he was stuck sitting on a park bench with a boy with shitty lungs and a broken future. “Maybe someday.” He said. 

 

Makoto slid his hand away and it fell back into his lap. Haru had to resist the urge to ask him to put it back, because he needed something solid, something to prove to himself that Makoto wanted to be here with him, and that he cared. Haru closed his eyes again, breathing in time with the puffs of air that came through the nubs in his nose, and let the sun warm his face. He did feel a tiny bit better, getting all of that off of his chest, but he didn’t like the old wounds it broke open along with it. 

 

“Do you think you would have gone pro if you could have kept at it? I know you said you didn’t want to, but you obviously were good enough.” 

 

Haru thought about that for a minute, glad of the distraction from his own thought spiral, and shrugged. “Maybe. But like I said, I never wanted that. I just wanted to swim. But… Maybe, if I could have kept swimming with Rin as a team… Maybe I would have thought about it. What about you?” 

 

Makoto smiled gently, the light catching in his green eyes and making them shine brighter than Haru had ever seen them. “I think I would have gone into teaching swim lessons.” He admitted. “There was a teacher at the pool I used to swim at in the winter, and I volunteered to help a few times. I really liked it.” 

 

Haru nodded, matching the other boy’s smile. Of course. That fit with who Makoto was perfectly, and Haru knew he would have been good at it. “You still could, you know.” 

 

The other boy shrugged. “I know, but I just don’t know if I could keep up with the kids, you know?” 

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“Thank you, for telling me about Rin.” 

 

“Thank you for listening.” 

 

The two sat on their bench for a little while longer, thinking of the futures that had slipped away from them, and where they thought they might have ended up. Makoto asked him what his plans were now, and Haru answered that he didn’t exactly know. He thought about going to college after high school, but he wasn’t sure if he was up for it, or if he’d even _make_ _it_ that long. What would be the point in going if he wouldn’t be able to finish?

When he asked Makoto the same, the taller boy just shrugged and explained that he just wanted to see where life took him, if any particular wind pulled him in its direction. Maybe he’d find what he wanted out of life that way.

 

Eventually, Haru checked his watch, and realized how long they’d actually been there. He stood, and Makoto led him back to the car. Haru stayed a couple paces behind him, and noticed how much more Makoto was favoring his right leg. His limp had always been noticeable, but only just. Now, however, it seemed like he was actually having to keep his weight off of it. Haru wanted to say something, but he didn’t want to upset the other boy, so he just filed it away and decided to ask him about it later. 

 

Makoto seemed a bit more animated on the way home, changing their heavy subject matter to something lighter, something that he could easily go on about without stepping into dangerous waters. It was nice to just sit back and listen to him talk. Haru watched him, head leaning back against the seat, and listened to the happy rise and fall in his voice, the smile on his face as he spoke, and the light that seemed to emanate from his very being, and realized then that he would willingly listen like this all day. 

 

He never wanted him to stop talking. He had never in his life met someone quite as genuinely  _ happy  _ as Makoto Tachibana. No matter what, he always radiated calm, and Haru appreciated it more than he could ever say. 

 

The SUV pulled up in front of his house, and Makoto cut the engine for a moment, leaving the two of them in near complete silence. Finally, the brunette cleared his throat and turned to face him. “Thank you again,” he said, “for telling me about Rin. I know that was hard to do.” 

 

Haru’s lips twitched upwards just a tad, and he shrugged off the thanks. “I told you I’d explain it.” He answered. “I’m just glad to finally tell someone. Not even my mom knows all of it.” 

 

“Well, I’m honored to know, now.” 

 

They smiled at each other, and Haru saw his mom peeking out the curtains. “I need to go. Thank you for listening.” 

 

“Any time. I’ll talk to you later?” 

 

“Of course.” 

 

~~~~

 

“Thanks again for coming to get me.” Momo piped up from the back. They’d finally gotten around to getting him picked up from his school after a very confusing half hour of nobody knowing where in the hell they were supposed to go. Momo had no idea how to get from one school to the other, and could only really direct them from his own house, clear on the other side of town, which he could barely tell them how to get  _ there  _ as it was. “I really appreciate it.”

 

Rei was sitting the seat beside him, eyes closed and looking for all the world like he was asleep. Haru had spent enough time around him, however, to know that he was really just agitated about all the running around. “Ai better be the one who appreciates it.” Rei muttered, side-eyeing the boy beside him. 

 

“Have you talked to Nitori at all today?” Makoto asked quickly, trying to change the subject a little. “Does he know we’re coming up?” 

 

“Not exactly.” Momo admitted. “He knows I am, but I thought it might be a nice surprise to know some people from group were there to see him, too.” 

 

Haru glanced over at the brunette, the corners of his mouth turning down at the corners. He knew Momo’s intentions were good, and it was a nice thought, but he also knew how surprise company felt when you weren’t expecting it.  _ Especially _ when you didn’t feel good. He only hoped Nitori wouldn’t be too angry that they’d all shown up alongside the redhead. 

 

Haru could tell everyone else was most likely thinking the same thing, because it had fallen dead quiet in the car, and Momo shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Well,” he started, “there’s nothing we can do about it now. Ai’ll just have to deal with it.” He shrugged, leaning back in his seat. 

  
  


Thankfully, Makoto got conversation started back up again, he talked with Momo nearly the whole ride up to the hospital about anything and everything that came to either of their minds, and Haru was glad for the bit of mindless chatter. It made things a little easier to prepare for. He felt bad for Aiichiro already; he knew exactly how the kid would feel when they got up there, and he saw Momo wasn’t by himself. He’d have to try to convince the others not to stay for very long if he seemed tired. 

 

The three followed behind Momo as he lead them through the twists and turns of the hospital, and he only managed to get them lost once. Haru had to admit he was impressed. They finally got up to the right floor, and after Rei’s insistence that they ask a nurse which room he was in (Surprisingly, he didn’t trust the redhead’s memory too much), they waited outside for a minute while he told him who all else was here. 

 

Haru listened as much as he could over the sounds around them, and it seemed like Nitori was actually glad to see they were there. 

 

Hesitantly, the three poked their way inside, Rei leading the pack while Haru clanged his oxygen tank along in the middle, and Makoto brought up the rear. Nitori was doing his best to sit up in bed, propped against a small wall of pillows, and smiled weakly at them. “Hey, guys.” He greeted quietly. 

 

“How are you feeling?” Rei asked, taking a seat on the couch across from the bed. The gray-haired boy was quiet for a moment with his eyes closed, and Haru thought he’d fallen asleep. He couldn’t help but notice the vast difference in the younger boy since the last time he’d seen him at group; his face was sunken in, and the jut of his cheekbones was now visible, even in the dim hospital lighting. 

 

“Tired.” he replied. “Very tired. But it’s good to see you guys.” He shot all of them another smile, and leaned a little heavier on his pillows. “How’ve you been?” 

 

They all answered that they’d been okay, and conversation turned back to Nitori and his chemo, how long he would have to stay in the hospital, and how the bruises on his legs were just now starting to turn yellow. He seemed to be in good spirits, considering everything that was going on. There was a bit of fight still in his blue eyes, and Haru was pretty sure that Ai had a good chance of beating this into remission a second time. 

 

The boys stayed with him for another hour before Nitori started to doze off again, and they all said their goodbyes and promised they’d come see him again before he went home, and they took their leave. 

 

On the way back, Momo thanked them several more times for going up there with him, and that he knew his friend really appreciated it. He didn’t really seem to want to leave them already though, and after a moment of thought, Makoto asked if he felt up for going for some ice cream with them. Momo’s eyes lit up, and he immediately agreed. 

  
  


Haru was squeezed in between Makoto and Momo, who had his face pressed up against the glass as he peered in at all the different ice creams. He was muttering about flavors to himself for a good five minutes before finally deciding on some coffee mix that Haru wasn’t sure the already energetic redhead needed. 

 

Gou peeked her head in from around back, and smiled at them. “Hey, guys. I’ll be with you in a second, let me tell Nagisa you’re here.” She disappeared for a moment before reappearing to get their orders. Makoto went first, then Haru, and when it came Momo’s turn, they found that he was too busy staring at the young Matsuoka to pay attention. His face had turned about as red as his hair, and he stammered out his order and paying very quickly before disappearing to a table near the back. When Haru and Rei went over to sit with him, he was sitting with his head in his hands. 

 

Nagisa appeared a moment later, and helped Makoto get all the ice cream safely to their friends. He pulled an extra chair up, and the three introduced him to Momo. Haru quickly explained where they knew him from, and with a look that noody caught, Nagisa’s fell on Rei. 

 

Haru hadn’t explicitly said that  _ Rei  _ knew him from the group, but Nagisa couldn’t help but wonder. There was so much about the taller boy that he didn’t know, and he couldn’t help but frown. If Rei thought he would judge him for having cancer, he was completely wrong. It was honestly a little insulting that the blue-haired boy didn’t trust him enough to tell him. 

 

Nagisa tried not to let it get to him right now, and instead turned his attention to the new addition, asking him questions about where he went to school, his mysterious friend Aiichiro, and, of course, his bugs. Momo was more than happy to talk about all of it, and in return, grilled Nagisa on all things Gou. 

 

Haru couldn’t help but think they’d made a mistake inviting Momo along with them, because if the looks he kept shooting Rin’s sister were anything to go by, he had a feeling that the redhead had just become a permanent fixture in their group. 

 

With a sigh, he took a lick of his ice cream, and turned his attention to the water glittering out in the distance outside. 

 

~~~~~~~~

 

It happened again. Not in the same place as before, thank god, but on the strap. Nagisa had been really late getting home, and decided to take a shortcut over a couple fences, and was almost back home, when his bag caught and snagged. He managed to get it free, but not before the strap ripped in half. He stared at the frayed and ripped fabric in his hands and felt his heart sink. There was no way Rei would be willing to help him out a second time so close together. 

 

Nagisa cursed himself for being so careless, and hurried home, hurrying up to his room and stashing the bag under his bed while he thought about what to do. 

 

Of course, he could ask Rei for help, but he could already see the annoyed look on the other boy’s face when he brought it back to him again after only a few weeks. He could try to fix it himself, but he knew that he wasn’t talented enough to make a repair that would hold. His mother would tell him just to get another bag if he asked her, and no one else he knew sewed if he remembered right. 

 

Sighing, Nagisa dragged the bag out from its hiding place and pulled out his phone, snapping a quick picture and sending it to his friend. 

 

**Rei I hate to ask this already but my strap ripped on the way home from work. Can you fix it**

 

A few minutes went by, the chat bubble appearing and disappearing over again. Nagisa could only imagine what Rei was erasing, and knew he’d made a mistake in asking again so soon. He was about to tell him to forget about it, when a message finally came through. 

 

**_Bring it in tomorrow and meet me at my locker before class. You can borrow my spare again until I’m able to get it fixed; How’d you rip it?_ **

 

Nagisa grinned at his phone, giving him a slightly altered story about what happened, and let out a relieved breath. Rei was an angel, an actual angel, for putting up with all of this from him. 

 

Until then, Nagisa decided to hold it together with a safety pin and a prayer. He knew eventually he’d have to give this bag up, especially in light of recent events, but he wasn’t ready to give it up just yet. He’d had it for a very long time, and it was the perfect size and weight to make him feel safe, secure, and protected on days when his anxiety flared up bad. He had worry spots on the bottom where he could rub between his thumb and index finger when he was nervous in class, and the feel of the fabric calmed him down faster than anything. 

 

It would be time soon to say goodbye, but he only hoped it wouldn’t be sooner than he was ready for. 

 

~~~~~

 

The next morning, Nagisa stood at his friend’s locker, his ruined bag cradled in his hands in fear of causing more damage to it, and waited for Rei. He bounced nervously on the balls of his feet, trying to see over the ocean of heads for the one he wanted, and didn’t calm down until he finally caught a glimpse of blue hair making its way over to him. Nagisa settled, trying to hide his growing anxiety from the taller boy, and waved at him. 

 

“What happened again?” Rei said in way of greeting. 

 

“It got tangled in a fence on my way home and wouldn’t come loose. I pulled a little too hard and it ripped. I’m sorry, Rei.” Nagisa emptied his things out and handed the bag over to his friend, suddenly feeling very small and embarrassed with himself for being so careless with his things. He turned his head down, bracing himself for the lecture he knew was coming, and stepped back.

 

After a few awkward seconds, Rei cleared his throat and put the thing in his locker. “I’ll see what I can do.” He pulled out the loaner and handed it to Nagisa, a gentle smile pulling at his mouth. “Just be careful with this until I can get it fixed.” 

 

Relief flooded through every inch of him, and Nagisa took the offered replacement, and grinned at his friend. “You’re the best, Rei!” Quickly, he shoved his books inside and took off for his first class. 

 

~~~~

 

Rei sat in his room that night, looking at the ruined bag, and frowned. This wouldn’t be an easy fix, especially by hand, and he could see several other spots where the fabric was wearing very thin and would be ruined soon. He didn’t know what to do about this; keeping the repairs up with this old ratty thing seemed like more trouble than it was worth, but he knew Nagisa was fond of it. 

 

Rei also knew that no matter how many times the other boy brought the bag to him for repair, he would be fixing it with no questions asked. Sighing, he rummaged through his small box of sewing equipment and pulled out his thickest needle and thread and got to work. 

  
  


It was about halfway through when the idea struck him. With a smile, Rei pulled out his phone and opened up his thread with Nagisa, tapping out a quick message to him. 

 

**I’m afraid I’m a bit busier than I originally thought; it’ll take me a couple days to get this done. Is that okay?**

 

**_Yeah that’s fine! Do you care that im using your extra bag for that long though_ **

 

**I don’t mind, no. Just be careful with it. Avoid all fences in the area.**

 

Rei chuckled to himself, setting the phone aside for the moment, and got back to work. Hopefully, he’d be able to pull this off in a few days like he wanted to. All he needed now was a ride into town… 

 

~~~~

 

He knew he’d be making this up to Makoto and Haru for the rest of his life, but it would be well worth it. Rei sat in the back of the brunette’s car, Nagisa’s bag in his lap, and went over everything he’d need. He’d pulled out all of the money he’d had squirreled away in case of an emergency, and called his friend immediately, asking if he could bum a ride out of him the following day after school. 

 

So now they were on the way to town on a quest that Rei couldn’t help but feel a little silly for insisting so hard on. 

 

He couldn’t explain it to himself why he’d fought himself so hard to do this; this wasn’t the way to keep Nagisa at arms length, it was the exact opposite of that, actually, and it only opened the door to have things get more and more complicated between the two of them. 

 

So why was he determined to do this? 

 

Rei leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes, trying not to think of the answer he already could feel budding in his heart. He didn’t want to deal with these growing thoughts and what they might mean right now, because it only made him worry about the future and what would happen farther down the road. 

 

****

Haru and Makoto took off to the other side of the store to look for art canvases that Haru insisted he needed, and Rei was left alone standing in front of rows upon rows of different fabrics. He gripped Nagisa’s bag in his hands, running through everything he would need in his head for the hundredth time, and started walking. 

 

A half hour later, his arms were stuffed full and cramping under the weight of it all, and was about to pull out his phone and see what was taking the others so long, when he saw Makoto’s head towering over everyone else. Rei hurried up to them, showing off his purchases, and they did the same. Haru had a huge bag full of paint and canvas, and other little things. Apparently, the giant brunette had commissioned a piece from Haru, and the smaller boy was only too happy to accept. Rei rolled his eye and the three of them left, eager to get started on their tasks at hand. 

  
  


At home, Rei sat in his room, his mother’s borrowed sewing machine set up on the small table in front of his bed, Nagisa’s bag on the floor on top of all the fabric as he measured and cut out what he needed. Then came the fun part. 

 

He worked almost all night, urged on by only his determination, but finally managed to get everything done. He set the new bag down beside the old one, and smiled to himself. A perfect recreation lay in front of him, down to the very last stitch. 

 

Rei felt pride surge through his chest as he climbed into his bed, and couldn’t wait to see the look on Nagisa’s face the following day when he surprised him with it. 

 

~~~~

 

Nagisa was, once again, in front of Rei’s locker, as instructed by the taller boy via text. He held his phone in his hand, leaning back against the metal as his leg bounced nervously. Rei’s text had sounded a bit ominous, and Nagisa was worried that his bag wasn’t able to be fixed this time. 

 

Rei came into view not too long afterwards, and Nagisa’s chest constricted in worry. His friend was carrying something in his hands that looked like a paper shopping bag, and confusion tugged at his features. 

 

“I got it fixed.” Rei told him, although his tone didn’t leave him feeling very good. “But it’s going to need more repairs really soon if you keep using it. There are several worn places that will give any day if you’re not really careful.” He reached into the bag and pulled his out, and handed it to him. Nagisa held it in his hands, his fingers brushing over the new stitching on the handle. He still couldn’t believe how gentle and soft Rei’s repairs were. He inspected the fabric in the places Rei told him were thin, and Nagisa sighed. He was hoping this wouldn’t be the case, he wasn’t ready to say goodbye to his old friend just yet; they’d been through a lot together. 

 

“Thanks for fixing as much as you could, Rei. I guess I’ll have to start looking for a replacement.” Nagisa tried to shoot him a smile before he started off, but the other boy caught his arm and pulled him back. 

 

“There’s one more thing.” Rei said, handing him the paper bag. 

 

Nagisa took it, hesitating for just a moment before looking inside and nearly dropping the thing. Quickly, he pulled out the new bag, and held it at arms length, inspecting every inch of it. He couldn’t believe how close it looked to his original. “Where’d you find this?!” Nagisa asked excitedly. 

 

The taller boy looked down, trying to hide the redness in his cheeks. “Well, I made it myself.” 

 

“What?!” the blond shouted, turning the bag over in his hands again. “You didn’t!” 

 

“I did.” Rei replied, lifting his eyes again. It was then that Nagisa noticed the deep, purple spots under them. He let out a breath, his own eyes darting from the bag, to Rei, and back again. He couldn’t believe that Rei, who could be so distant with him at times, and half the time acted like he didn’t want him around at all, would go through all of this for  _ him,  _ Nagisa Hazuki. 

 

Nobody ever went through that much for him. Ever. 

 

Without a word, Nagisa closed the distance between himself and the other boy and pulled him in for the tightest hug he’d ever given anybody in his life. He buried his face against Rei’s chest, keeping his head down to hide the tears welling up in his eyes. He didn’t understand why Rei had gone through all of this trouble for him, nor did he understand why his heart felt like it was constricting in his chest at the thought of it. 

 

Rei cared about him. Actually cared. That much was obvious now, and Nagisa didn’t know how to feel about it.

 

When he finally pulled away, he looked up at the taller boy and smiled, still blinking tears from his eyes, and hugged his new gift in his arms. “Thank you, Rei.” he said thickly, taking a moment to transfer all of his things before hitching it up over his shoulder and testing out the weight. 

 

They stood there for another moment or so, unable to really bring themselves to say anything, before the bell rang, and they knew they needed to get to class. They said a quick goodbye and went their separate ways for the time being. 

 

~~~~

 

Nagisa couldn’t get it out of his head. He’d spent the whole of the next two days going over Rei’s surprise, and how much it had meant to him that the other boy had gone through all of the trouble to make sure his bag was fixed. It meant more to the blond than he could have ever said. 

 

When he got home the first night, he put his old bag in a tote in his closet and sat on his bed with the new one, fingers gingerly brushing over the fabric and eyes running over every inch of it, taking it in, and huffed a disbelieving laugh. It really was identical down to the last stitch. How Rei had managed to do that in just a couple days was astounding to him.

 

Nagisa could feel heat rising in his face as his thoughts turned to the other boy, and he admitted to himself that Rei was something very special to him. Something special that he wanted to hang onto. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy, guys, I'm sorry it's been so long since I got a chapter posted. With all the summer holidays, my birthday, two bouts with the flu, and SEVERE writer's block, I've fallen really, really far behind behind. I apologize.  
> Hopefully this supersized chapter will make up for the lack of content until I can get chapter eight posted! Please let me know if you're all still enjoying this fic!!  
> Thank you so much to everyone for being so patient with me, and to everyone that has stuck with this fic, even though it's been so long since it's been updated. I really appreciate all of you :)  
> Here's hoping it won't take four months to get another chapter out!  
> P.S. Shoutout to Christy and Ellie for helping me get back on track.


	8. Drive to the Future

When summer finally showed its full force and school finally let out, Haru was getting even more eager to learn to drive. While Makoto, Rei, and all of their other friends were studying for their end of the year exams and couldn’t hang out as much, Haru was at home, splitting his time between his own studies and the permit test. By the time everyone was finished at school, he knew the little book backwards and forwards.

 

His father took the day off work and drove him down to the DMV so he could take the written part of the test. It was an early June morning, and Haru was a tight ball of anxiety as he walked inside, tested his eyes, and finally was cleared to go sit at one of the screens and answer questions. 

 

Aside from a few hiccups at the end, he passed. 

 

The first person who knew outside of his mother was Makoto, who yelled happily into the phone, and scared the hell out of him. The brunette asked what his plans were for the afternoon, and when Haru explained he didn’t have any, Makoto asked if he would mind celebrating with Nagisa and Rei. Haru agreed, and the other boy promised he’d be there to get him in a couple hours. 

 

Much to his surprise, not one, but three faces were hanging out of Makoto’s car when he pulled up, all yelling their congratulations at him. Fighting a smile, Haru climbed into the passenger seat and settled his tank between his legs before turning to the boy beside him. “So, where to?” 

 

***

They all four sat in the car for five minutes, all talking over each other and trying to figure out what the hell they actually wanted to do. After listening to Rei and Nagisa bicker back and forth for a minute, Haru finally saw a chance to cut in, and asked if they just wanted to go get ice cream from the parlor and hang out at the beach near his house. 

 

Nobody could find any reason not to, and, gratefully, Makoto finally pulled away from Haru’s house and the four friends were off. 

  
  
  


They sat on one of the docks directly in the sun. The boys had their shoes off, letting their feet dangle in the water, while they ate. Haru shut his eyes and breathed in the salt coming up off the water, feeling completely relaxed being so close to something he loved so much. Makoto was by his side and Haru could practically feel the warmth of the other boy radiating off of him. It was the most peaceful he’d felt since before his diagnosis. 

 

Rei and Nagisa, true to form, were back to bickering with each other off to Haru’s right. Rei was apparently offended by the smell coming from Nagisa’s shoes, and when the smaller boy tried to put his foot in Rei’s face, he lost his balance, and went falling into the water. He surfaced, his hair wet and plastered to his face, and glared up at Rei when he realized the blue-haired boy was laughing at him. 

 

Nagisa hoisted himself up out of the water and sat as close to his friend as possible, making sure to get the leg of his pants at least a little wet in retaliation. Within minutes, the bickering had started up again. 

 

Haru shook his head and turned his attention back to the view in front of him. Gently, he swung his legs back and forth, letting the water splash up a little higher on his skin, and let out a gentle sigh. It would be so easy just to slip off the dock and just float away from everything, to just leave his tank sitting with the others, and just disappear. 

 

“It’s beautiful out here, isn’t it?” The brunette asked, cutting into his thought spiral. “It’s peaceful.” 

 

“Yeah,” Haru agreed, his lips twitching up into a smile. With Makoto beside him, the urge to run away didn’t feel nearly as strong as it used to. Not when he had something to stick around for. Something that made his already limited existence worth still existing for. 

 

Makoto set his empty container down between the two of them, and let out a small sigh. “It kinda makes you miss it, doesn’t it? The water, I mean.” 

 

“More than anything.” 

 

The other boy gave a small nod of his head and leaned forward until his elbows were resting on his thighs, and was silent for a little while. Haru used the time to pull his feet back up out of the water and tuck them up beside him while they dried off. Rei and Nagisa had, by this point, stood up and were still at it. 

 

“Haru, when’s your birthday?” 

 

Makoto’s voice snapped him back, and the question caught him off guard enough that he had to think about it for a moment. “June twenty-sixth. Why?” 

 

“Just wondering, is all.” The brunette shrugged, trying to hide a smile. 

 

Haru briefly wondered what that was about, but he decided not to push it right now, and asked, “Well, when’s  _ yours? _ ” 

 

“November seventeenth.” 

 

November. Haru made a mental note to remember that and write it on his calendar later on. 

  
  


They didn’t stay much longer after that, seeing as Rei was actually getting a bit angry at the blonde, and came close to just walking home himself. Haru and Makoto decided to just wrap everything up and drop them off before it turned into a bloodbath right in front of them. 

 

Thankfully, though, by the time they dropped Nagisa off, he’d already apologized to Rei, and the two of them were back to being on good terms. They both congratulated Haru again on passing his permit test again, and thanked him for coming to hang out. Then it was just Makoto and Haru once again. 

 

They drove in silence for a little while after dropping Rei off, with Haru resting his head against the window and letting the early summer sun lull him into a light doze while the brunette drove. Eventually, Makoto started talking again, and Haru woke himself up, wanting to pay attention to what he was saying. “So, now that you have your permit, I can legally teach you how to drive. If you’re not sick of me yet.” 

 

“When are you free?” 

 

“Next Monday? Mom wants me to help get some things ready for when Ren and Ran get let out of school, so I’ll be kinda busy this week, but next Monday, I’m all yours.” 

 

“I’ll be ready.” 

 

Makoto beamed at him, and all too soon, Haru was being dropped off at home. He walked around to the driver’s side door and leaned against it, not exactly wanting to say goodbye just yet. “Thanks for coming to get me today. You didn’t have to.” 

 

“We wanted to celebrate with you, Haru. This was important. And I had fun.” 

 

“I did, too.” 

 

“Plus, it was such a nice day, it beat hanging out at home all afternoon.” 

 

Haru nodded again, and shot a glance back to the house. “It’s been a long time since I did that.” 

 

“We’ll do it again soon.” The brunette promised, giving him one more smile before turning the key in the ignition. “I’ve gotta go, but I’ll see you Wednesday, okay?” 

 

“Yeah. Definitely.” 

 

“See you then.” With that, Makoto pulled away from the curb and went down the road. Haru stood there watching the SUV disappear until the other boy disappeared from sight. With a sigh, Haru turned around and went back inside.

 

~~~~

 

“Ai’ll be back next week!” Momo announced excitedly. He had been waiting for them just outside the community center, bouncing on the balls of his feet to tell them the news. “He’s doing really good, considering. I went to see him this morning, and they’re going to let him take a makeup test for finals once he gets some of his strength back, and he’s officially coming back to group next week!” 

 

The boys all felt relieved to hear that. They’d been to see Aiichiro twice more before he was released and able to home. He appreciated them going to see him, and they ended up staying all afternoon the last time. By the end, they all had his number in their phones, and got updates now and then about how he was doing. They promised that when he felt okay enough to go back to group, they’d introduce him to the infamous Nagisa, and the love of Momo’s life - Gou Matsuoka. 

 

Nitori had been told every little detail about miss Gou and the night they met. Momo had also insisted on giving him updates constantly over the last couple weeks, noting every interaction and feeling he had regarding the girl. He’d inserted himself in the small group of Haru’s, not only because he liked the guys, but because they could get him access to Gou when they went to get ice cream on Wednesdays. Haru had gotten a few late night texts from the gray-haired boy, asking if it was justifiable if he strangled Momo the next time he brought her up in front of him.

 

~~~~~~

 

Haru woke up on Monday morning feeling excited. The newness of having his permit hadn’t worn off yet, and he was itching to get behind the wheel with Makoto. He dressed quickly and went downstairs, grabbing a quick bite to eat and doing a few other small things to get ready. Makoto would be there to get him at noon sharp, and they had plans to hang out afterwards, though, they hadn’t exactly decided on what, yet. 

 

At 9:00, Haru received a text that put a bit of a wrench in those plans. 

  
  


**_I’m going to be running a little late. I have to go to the doctor - don’t panic! It’s just a check-up. I forgot about it until last night. I’m sorry, I’ll be there as soon as possible._ **

 

Haru quickly typed out a reply, hoping his disappointment didn’t show through too much, and shoved his phone in the pocket of his pants. He sat down on the couch and scanned through the documentaries he hadn’t watched yet, and finally landed on one about whales that seemed at least somewhat interesting. He put it on and tried not to look at the clock too often.

 

He ended up falling asleep after a little while, and only woke up to the sound of his phone ringing, loudly, by his ear. Haru groped tiredly around for the device, blinking his eyes open as he read the name that popped up. It was Makoto. 

 

“Hey,” Haru greeted, trying to stifle a yawn. “How’d it go?” 

 

“Fine!” Makoto replied cheerily. “I’m gonna get a bite to eat and then I’ll be there to pick you up. Let’s say meet in twenty?” 

 

“Sounds good.” 

 

“Great!” 

 

They hung up after that, and Haru went to wait for his ride. Makoto showed up a little later and shot Haru a small wave as he made his way over to the car. He climbed in and gave the brunette a proper greeting, and then they were off. 

 

“Everything okay?” Haru asked after a moment, just for something to say. 

 

Makoto kept his eyes on the road ahead of him, seeming to be lost in thought. Haru wondered if he’d heard him, and was just about to open his mouth to say something else, when the brunette answered, “Yeah! Everything went great; It was just a checkup. Doctors just kinda freak me out a little.” He shot Haru a reassuring smile. “How’s your day been so far?” 

 

“Alright.”

 

Haru half expected Makoto to say something back, but he didn’t. Instead, he pulled into the lot they’d been driving in over the last few months and killed the engine. “You ready to go?” He asked, unbuckling his seatbelt. 

 

Haru nodded and did the same, climbing down out of the passenger side and dragging his tank along behind him while they switched. Haru noticed Makoto having a little trouble pulling himself up, but the other boy waved him off before he could open his mouth. “It’s fine. My leg is swelling around the prosthetic a little. It’s too hot today.” 

 

“Okay.” Haru buckled himself in and turned the key, the engine sputtering to life immediately. 

 

“Okay, put it in gear and ease down on the gas.” 

 

Doing as instructed, Haru got them to the edge of the lot, idling as they waited for the traffic to die off so they could merge into it. Haru’s eyes followed cars moving back and forth in front of them, looking for any opening he could find. Finally, there was a break between cars, and he hurried out, turning the wheel roughly as they blended into the flow, resulting in a panicked cry from the brunette.

 

Haru heard a horn honking behind him, but it was too late to do anything about it now. He settled back into the seat, letting himself relax just a little bit as he drove, loving the thrill of actually being behind the wheel and on the road. 

 

“Turn left up here.” Makoto said. Haru did as told, forgetting to put his turn signal on, which got another disapproving noise from the other boy. Haru followed Makoto’s instructions on where to go, and finally it dawned on him where they were headed.

 

Haru pulled into a spot in the back of the lot, excitement flooding through him as he watched the water splash up against the shore. He found the dock they’d sat on just a few days ago, empty, and was already itching to go sit out there again.

 

Makoto climbed down out of the seat again, and limped his way over to Haru, holding his tank for him as he got out of the car. He thanked the brunette, and then the two hurried as fast as they could over to the dock before somebody else got there first. 

 

Haru plopped down, sliding his shoes off and sticking his feet in the water the first chance he got, but Makoto didn’t follow suit. Instead, he stayed back enough so he could tuck his good leg up under him and stretch the fake one out without worrying about getting it wet. He closed his eyes and leaned against one of the posts holding up the dock, and let himself be blanketed in the sun’s warmth. 

 

Haru wondered how much sleep he’d gotten the night before. He knew how nerve wracking doctor’s visits could be, that fear always in the back of your mind that something could pop back up on a scan, and there you’d be: Sitting in the waiting room of the inevitable. Luckily though, things came back clear this time, and Haru knew that had to be a relief for the other boy.

 

Maybe they should have just waited a day or two to do this. Even though he’d gotten a clean bill of health, he could see how tired the other boy was. He should have been resting, not running all over town with  _ him.  _ He was getting ready to say as much when Makoto opened his eyes, grinning, and asked, “You said your birthday is the twenty-sixth, right?” 

 

“I did.” 

 

“Can we do something?” 

 

“Sure.”

 

“Cool. I’ll talk to the guys, and we’ll see what we can do!” 

 

Haru turned his attention back to the water in front of him, not wanting Makoto to see the anxiety on his face at the thought. He didn’t like that much attention on him, and the idea of having everybody there, on his birthday, the day dedicated to doing just that, freaked him out a little. If it were just his parents or Makoto one on one, it wouldn’t have been as bad. But the idea of all of their friends - old and new - being involved too, really made him a little nervous.    
  


Their tiny little circle of friends was ever-expanding, and while Haru did enjoy all of the guys and their company, it was still a little overwhelming having so many sudden and new friends. 

 

But, he supposed, that’s what happened when you were friends with someone like Makoto Tachibana; people flocked to him and his warmth. Everyone wanted to be enveloped by it, and Makoto was more than willing to provide any and everyone with a friendly word or two. Haru should have guessed it wouldn’t just be the two of them and Rei forever. 

 

It fell silent between the two of them for a few moments, and when Haru turned to ask Makoto a question, he found the other boy sleeping against that same post. 

 

~~~~

 

Makoto couldn’t fall asleep. The nap he’d taken on the dock earlier that afternoon had jazzed him up too much, and now he lay awake in his room, laying on his bed with his laptop open on his chest, and stared at the ceiling. His fingers tapped the mouse every now and then as he waited for a reply to his email, wanting to send one more before finally shutting it off and trying to get some sleep, but his friend was taking their sweet time in replying. 

 

He knew, if this could be pulled off, that it would be the perfect thing for Haru for his birthday, and the thought of the look on the other boy’s face made him smile. 

 

He only hoped the dark-haired boy would go for it. 

Another ten minutes and a full Youtube video later, Makoto finally heard the  _ prrring!  _ announcing that he had a new email. He switched tabs and opened it, eyes quickly scanning over the words, and an even bigger grin lit up his face in the dark. He typed out his reply, thanking his friend for the help several times, and then said he was going to bed. 

 

He shut his laptop off and set it down, pulling out his phone and sending a text to Haru really fast. 

 

**_Your birthday present is officially secured :) Can’t wait to tell you what it is!_ **

 

After that, the brunette set his device down and tried for another hour to finally drift off to sleep. 

 

~~~~

After picking him up to go to the hospital the one time, it had become part of their routine to just pick Momo up for group, too. They learned quickly, however, they had to pick Haru up first, or else Momo would claim shotgun and Haru would spend the whole rest of the day pouting over his spot being taken. 

 

The four were met with a happy surprise the following Wednesday. 

 

When Makoto pulled onto the lot, they saw a familiar mop of gray hair on the curb, waiting for them. Momo flung the door open before the car stopped moving, jumped out, and nearly knocked Nitori down as he hugged his friend. “Momo!” He yelped. “What are you doing in Makoto’s car?” 

 

“They’ve been bringing me to group the last couple weeks. My bro has been having to work late on Wednesdays anymore, and Mako’s glad to help out.” 

 

The three were making their way over to the two friends, all smiles at finally seeing Ai again in the flesh. Makoto clapped him on the back, and almost knocked the smaller boy over. Though he didn’t seem too upset about it. 

 

“Hi, guys.” He said, rubbing his shoulder. 

 

“Hey, Ai. How’re you feeling?” Makoto asked.

 

“Still tired. Still kinda shaky. But other than that, I don’t feel too bad, considering.” he looked it, too. The circles under his eyes were just as dark as they were when they saw him in the hospital, and the way he held himself wasn’t anything like the stiff, good posture Nitori usually had. He almost hunched over, like he was about to fall down any second, and Haru wondered if he’d even be able to make it inside. 

 

Thankfully, Makoto noticed it, too, and began to lead the way inside. Haru stood next to him, Rei in the middle, and Momo and Ai in the back. They all tried to walk a little slower for Nitori’s sake, but even so, he was having to push himself a little to keep up with them. When they finally got to the meeting room, he sat in his chair and leaned his head back with his eyes closed for a moment. 

 

They were the first ones there.

 

The others all took their seats around the gray-haired boy, and the four began talking while Ai rested. Finally, Miss A poked her head in, beaming when she saw Nitori with the group, and immediately got started talking to him about things he missed, and how he was, and offering her support in his fight. Ai sat there, flustered by all the attention, and shyly thanked her for all of it. 

 

The other kids filed in after a little bit longer, and all of the attention was again focused on Nitori. Haru could see how uncomfortable his friend looked, having the spotlight so focused on him, and only hoped he’d be able to last until it finally stopped. After he explained again what happened to him, and how he was doing for a third time that day, Miss A finally drew attention back to her and everyone else. When their backs were turned, Haru shot him a sympathetic look, which Ai returned with a thankful smile. 

 

“Okay, let’s start with Rei. How’s your week been?” 

 

All eyes turned to him, and with a deep breath, Rei sat forward in his chair, pushing his glasses up just a little, and launched into his story. “Nagisa has hardly left me alone this week. Every day, he texts me asking if we can hang out, or if I’ll teach him how to make bags, or if I want to get ice cream, or a thousand other things. It’s nice not having to spend all of my time at home, but I also need time to study a little bit so I can keep ahead for when school starts again.” 

 

“How’s your eye doing?” 

 

Instinctively, his hand went to his fake eye, almost like he was trying to hide it. “I’ve been getting headaches on and off, and my vision has been a little blurry, but other than that, I’m fine.” 

 

“Are you worried it might be something?” 

 

Rei shrugged, folding his arms across his chest. “I haven’t slept very good since summer started; I’m not too worried about anything yet.” 

 

“Well, that’s a good attitude to have, but please get a checkup if it doesn’t stop. Okay next…”

 

~~~~~

 

Haru didn’t know how they all fit. The back seat of Makoto’s SUV wasn’t  _ huge,  _ and Momo took up a lot of space just because he couldn’t ever stop moving. Nitori had been stuck in the middle between Momo and Rei, and had been, at last count, accidentally smacked in the face by the redhead three times. 

 

Makoto and Haru shot each other a worried look when they heard Ai yelp in pain, and that was quickly followed up by a loud apology by his friend. By the end of the drive, Nitori was basically in Rei’s lap in a desperate attempt to get away from Momo’s flailing limbs. 

 

The five of them piled into the ice cream shop, and Nagisa greeted all of them with a friendly smile. They all walked up to the counter, falling in single file so they could put their orders in, and when it finally came time for Nitori’s, Nagisa grinned hugely and cut him off mid-order. 

 

“You’re Aiichiro, right? The guys have been telling me a lot about you!” 

 

Obviously caught off guard by the suddenness of Nagisa’s statement, Ai’s face turned pink, and he gave him a quick nod. “Yeah, that’s me.” He muttered. 

 

“It’s great to finally meet you, Ai-Ai!” 

 

Nitori wasn’t at all sure what to make of the new nickname, but didn’t comment on it, and just finished his ice cream order. After a moment, he hurried off to join Haru at the big table near the back, and climbed up into one of the seats. He still looked really flustered, and Haru felt for him. “Well, now you’ve met Nagisa.” He said. 

 

Aiichiro shot a look back to the counter, where Momo, Makoto, and the others were all talking, and shook his head. “I didn’t think anything could be worse than Momo. But I was wrong; two Momos are even worse.” 

 

Haru’s lips twitched up at that and his eyes found their friends all chatting happily with each other. It seemed like Nagisa was ganging up with someone against Rei, but Haru wasn’t sure which one was helping. He guessed it was Momo, but he couldn’t be sure. Gou was now over there talking to the rest of them, and she tapped Makoto on the shoulder after listening to them for a moment, before inclining her head towards he and Ai with a question present on her face. Makoto eventually broke away from the guys, and led Gou over to the table with him. 

 

“Gou, this our friend Nitori. He’s in group with us.” 

 

Gou extended a hand for Ai to take, and they shook with a smile. “So  _ you’re _ Aiichiro.” She said. 

 

“That’s what everyone’s been saying today. I guess I am. But I’m sure whatever these guys have been saying about me isn’t true.” 

 

“Only that you’re a nice kid, and Momo’s best friend.” Haru said quietly.

 

“Oh.” 

 

“Wait, he’s  _ who’s  _ best friend?” Gou asked, shooting a worried look back to the counter. 

 

“Relax, Gou.” Makoto started. “Ai and Momo are nothing alike. You’re safe.” 

 

The small girl let her shoulders fall, and said a quick goodbye to the guys before going back up to the counter, and finally back to the back of the shop. 

 

“ _ That’s _ who Momo won’t shut up about?” Ai asked. 

 

“Yep.” confirmed Haru.

 

“Wow.” 

 

“We know.” 

 

Makoto was about to add to the conversation, when Nagisa called his name and pointed to his ice cream. He hurried off, and left the two boys alone together again. “ 

 

“So you guys do this every week?” 

 

“Every week.” 

 

“How do you do it? Dealing with all the guys, I mean.” 

 

Haru shrugged. “I just listen, mostly. Everyone’s always so busy talking to each other, it’s easy to just listen to them go back and forth without saying anything. That helps some.” 

 

Nitori pursed his lips, considering this, and finally nodded. “I guess that would make things a little easier.” 

 

Finally, the entire group joined them at their table. Momo and Makoto handed their respective friends their treats, and took the seats right beside them. Conversation started up again almost immediately, with Nagisa still teasing Rei about whatever had happened earlier, and shooting his friend a smirk every now and then. Rei was getting increasingly flustered over it, and Haru thought at one point he could see steam coming out of his ears. Momo joined in with it until he saw Gou finally coming back up to the counter, and shouted, flailing his arms in an attempt to get her to join them. She looked up, briefly, and, with the look of a deer in the headlights, scurried back off to hide until they were gone. 

 

Haru couldn’t say that he blamed her. 

 

It all seemed very familiar to him, the way Momo was acting, but it took him a moment or two to guess where he’d seen that behavior before. Finally, it dawned on him that it was very similar to how Nagisa was with Rei. Loud, expressive, and generally teasing the other in an attempt at, what was now obvious to him, flirting. 

 

Haru hurriedly licked at his ice cream in an attempt to hide his smile, and he wondered if Rei had guessed it himself yet. 

 

After another moment or two, Makoto finally had to cut in and end Rei’s suffering. Nagisa laughed and clapped his friend on the back, assuring him that he was only teasing and, and that he actually really liked Rei’s love for butterflies and all things beautiful. 

 

“Hey, Rei, I guess that means you think I’m beautiful, too!” Nagisa grinned.

 

~~~~~

 

The next two weeks blended together in a mishmash of driving lessons, group meetings, and hanging out at the Tachibana house while Makoto babysat his siblings. By the time the 26th arrived, Haru had almost completely forgotten about it being his birthday. In fact, he would have, except Makoto text him at midnight the morning of with a giant happy birthday message. According to the brunette, he was to be ready to leave the house at 2 P.M. sharp the next afternoon, ask no questions about what was going on, and to trust him. 

 

That message was quickly followed up by several more from Nagisa, and Momo, with the rest in their friend group following the next morning. 

Haru had agreed to meet him, and as the hours went on, his nervousness only got worse. He was going insane trying to figure out what exactly Makoto had in store for him, but could not, for the life of him, figure out what the hell was going on. 

 

He spent the entire day thinking about it, and the temptation to just break down and ask Makoto exactly what he had in store was getting worse and worse. Even if he did ask, though, he doubted the brunette would tell him, giving how excited he was. 

 

When 2:00 finally arrived, Haru was waiting outside, sitting on his front step and nervously tapping his tank with his fingers. Makoto pulled up a minute or so later, and Haru got in. They exchanged a quick hello before Makoto started driving off. 

 

Surprised, he checked the back seat and didn’t see anybody else in the car. He was under the assumption that they’d be with their friends today, and even more confusion clouded his thoughts now. 

 

“Where are we going?” 

 

Makoto grinned, glancing at him out of the corner of his eyes. “You’ll see.” 

 

Haru sat back in his seat, trying to figure out where exactly they were going. After a moment, he realized; They’d been traveling the same way every Wednesday for a good while now. Haru almost asked what they were doing going to the community center, but he decided to keep his mouth shut for the time being, just out of curiosity. 

 

Makoto led him inside, not saying anything, and stopped at the door to the pool. Surprisingly, it seemed quiet inside. Makoto opened the door, and Haru was hit with the scent of chlorine so strong it burned his nose. He took a careful step inside and looked around, an ache filling his heart as he longed to jump into the water right then and there. 

 

Makoto was right behind him, and led Haru to a couple of empty chairs that were left out, poolside. They sat down and Makoto cleared his throat, staring at the other boy nervously. 

 

“I’ve been talking to a friend of mine on and off the last few weeks.” He explained. “I’ve told him about how much you love the water, and everything that we both planned to do if we could have kept swimming.” 

 

Haru shot him a confused look, not understanding where he was going with this. 

 

“Well, we were talking, and he said that, if we want to, we can go visit him... At the Olympic training pool. In Australia.” 

 

Haru’s breath caught in his throat and he turned to the other boy, eyes wide. “Makoto…” 

 

“He said he’d give us a tour if we wanted, just so we could see it. Everything’s ready to go already. All we need is for you and your parents to say yes.” 

 

Haru grinned hugely at the taller boy and nodded his head, feeling like his heart was going to burst in his chest. “Sure. Sure, I’ll go! When do we leave?” 

 

“How about a month from now?” 

 

July 26th. A month away, and Haru would be at one of the training pools. A real pool with real swimmers. A dream from a life he had to give up. He didn’t know what to say for Makoto going through so much trouble for him. “Let’s do it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha! I got another chapter out fairly soon!!! I know, I'm surprised too.  
> I wanna give a big thanks to my beta, Christy, as always. You are great!  
> Also a shoutout to user Yami_Yugi for showing such an interest in this story that her love for it (And Christy's threats to take away all of my Attack on Titan related things) motivated me enough to get my ass in gear and write!  
> Thank you to everyone who still shows love to this fic, I'm not sure how much longer it will be, but we're FINALLY getting there. Big stuff will happen in the next chapter. Really big stuff. It'll probably be a really long one (I'm so sorry ;--;)  
> Anyways! Have a good weekend, everyone~  
> P.S.: I couldn't resist the chapter title pun. I know, I know, but just enjoy it for what it is!


	9. Rei's Emergency

After Makoto’s speech, the two left the community center and met up with the others for ice cream. Rei brought a cake he made himself, and it was set up and waiting on the table. When they arrived, Nitori, Nagisa, and Momo were all arguing over a giant sheet of paper, poking each other with pens and markers and arguing about who would do what. It only ended when Aiichiro was accidentally poked in the eye by Nagisa, and decided to let the two of them fight it out on their own. 

 

The gray-haired boy looked up, hand still covering his right eye, and smiled. “Oh, Haru! You’re here!” He said happily.

 

“Hey, Ai.” Haru replied, the smaller boy dropping his hand. “Are you alright?” 

 

He still wasn’t opening his eye, but he shrugged it off and shot a glance at the others. “I’ve had worse, it’ll be fine in awhile. How was it?” 

 

Haru took a moment to look around while Makoto answered for him, and a warm feeling spread throughout his chest at the sight of it all: streamers hung up around their table, the banner that the the two were working on was a happy birthday sign, and Rei’s cake… Makoto must have talked to him about it, because it was his favorite shade of blue, and there was a fondant dolphin breaching out of the top of the cake. 

 

Everyone had gone through so much trouble for him - especially Makoto - and while he still felt a bit awkward having so much attention on him, he would have been lying if he said it didn’t mean the world to him. Even Gou had a bit of hand in the decorating, according to Momo. 

He sat down after another glance around, and couldn’t help the tiny smile fighting to break loose across his face. Once again, the air was filled with the sounds of everyone talking around him, and eventually it spiraled into another good natured bickering match between Rei and Nagisa (this time over Rei’s cake), and Haru actually found himself laughing a little at them. 

 

Finally, Makoto got them calmed down, and once they convinced Gou to come hang out with them, they cut Haru’s cake and the group of friends sat around talking. Everyone was in a better mood than they had been in a long time, and it showed. 

 

Even Gou wasn’t getting angry with Momo for trying to flirt with her. 

  
  


“So, Nagisa,” Momo started, speaking around a mouthful of cake, “I’ve never asked you how you fit into all this. Rei and Makoto go to the same school, so do Ai and I. And all of  _ us  _ know Haru from group. But you don’t go to group. How do you know everyone?”

 

For half a second, Nagisa wasn’t sure he’d heard the redhead right. They  _ all  _ knew Haru from group? Rei included. His eyes flickered to the blue-haired boy for a brief second, hoping to find something, anything, there to either confirm or deny what Momo said, but Rei just sat there, staring, and gave nothing away. Finally, Nagisa gave up, and turned to his friend. “I actually go to school with Rei and Mako. And I know Haru from here. They all came in for ice cream one day, and we’ve been friends since.” 

 

“And Gou?” 

 

“Gou knows Haru from a long time ago, but they didn’t become friends until recently.” 

 

“Well, I’m glad they are, so I have an in with her!” the redheaded boy grinned, shooting a flirty look towards the girl. 

 

Nagisa chuckled a little awkwardly, raising his hands. “I’d be careful, Momo; she can get pretty scary when she’s angry. You don’t want to be on her bad side.” 

 

Conversation then turned into Momo asking Nagisa for help getting “in” with the younger Matsuoka, and Nagisa insisting that, since he still had to work with her every day, that he wasn’t going to get involved in their star-crossed love affair. It only ended when Gou finally cut in and told Momo that she wouldn’t  _ ever _ go out with him if he kept it up. 

 

Momo ended up with his head on Aiichiro’s shoulder, tears streaming down his face because, based off of how she worded it, it made it seem like he actually had a  _ chance  _ with Gou. Haru couldn’t recall ever seeing him that happy. 

 

~~~

After they said their goodbyes, Makoto offered to drive Haru home so he didn’t have to walk all that way. Without too much protest, Haru agreed, and climbed up into the SUV. The drive started off in silence, Haru needing a minute to rest before he started chatting, and Makoto too nervous to really know what to say. 

 

He’d been so worried that Haru would reject his gift, despite how much he’d caught him looking longingly at the pool before and after group. He knew swimming still had a huge hold on the the other boy, just as it did for himself, and he impulsively thought that running off to another country would be a good idea. In retrospect, it had seemed a bit stupid, and after a few weeks of mulling it over, he almost called the whole thing off. 

 

And then his contact had gotten in touch with him, having arranged the whole thing, and there was no backing out. He’d been terrified Haru would have laughed in his face when he brought it up.

 

“So… Australia.” Makoto prompted.

 

“I can’t believe you did that.” Haru replied, head back against the seat, and eyes focused on the other boy. He couldn’t even pretend to be upset with him for it, he was too excited about the idea to even consider it. “How much do I owe you for the trip?” 

 

The brunette shook his head, waving off his offer. “Just go with me. My friend’s been asking me to go for awhile now, and my mom doesn’t want me going by myself. Besides, it will mean every bit as much to you as it does to me. I wouldn’t want to go with anybody else.” 

 

The headlights flashed up onto the house as they pulled up the curb, and Haru smiled at him. “Well, still, thanks. I’ll see you later.” 

 

“See ya!” 

 

Haru hurried up to the door, turning around and waiting for the other boy to leave before opening it and going inside. Australia. He couldn’t believe it! 

 

“Mom? Where are you?” he called. “I have news!” 

 

~~~

 

“You’re not going by yourself.” His mother said, setting his plate down on the table. “It’s not happening.” 

 

“But I’m not by myself. I’ll be with Makoto.” 

 

“Two young boys alone in a different country doesn’t count as not being alone. You need an adult with you in case you get in trouble.” When he’d explained to her the night before what Makoto had suggested, she seemed apprehensive at best. She was quiet for an agonizing few minutes, mulling everything over in her head, and eventually turned to him, beginning to list all of the issues she had about it. It seemed that she hadn’t budged on her position even an inch. 

 

“Well who could do it? Makoto’s parents have Ran and Ren to take care of, Dad has work, and so do you. We’ll be fine.” 

 

Haru’s mother looked at him and sighed. “No, Haru. And besides, what are you going to do about your BiPap? You can’t exactly take that on the plane with you.” 

 

Haru paused for a moment, thinking. It would be risky, and he could potentially get himself into a lot of trouble medically for doing it, but it was all he had. “It’ll only be a week. This last trip to the hospital had been building for a long time, and I’ll get right back on it when I get home.”

 

“Haru...” 

 

“Mom…” 

 

She sat down, eyes still on him and searching his face for any bit of hesitation, anything she could use as an excuse to not let him go. All she found, though, was a fiery determination and a defiance that she knew he’d picked up directly from her. “You’re dead set on going?” 

 

“Yes.” 

 

“And you’re  _ sure _ Makoto doesn’t mind taking you with him?” 

 

“Yes, mom.” 

 

Another agonizing pause fell between them while she thought about it. “You’re talking to your doctor before you leave and find out what to do for breathing at night. You’re going to listen and do everything they say  _ to the letter _ . And I’m going with you to make sure you do it.” 

 

Haru was prepared to continue fighting her on it, and had his mouth open and ready to go, and it it took a moment for her words to sink in. He could go. He would have to take his mom along, but he could go with Makoto. Grinning, Haru got to his feet and pulled his mother in for a very tight hug, thanking her several times before returning to his seat to finish his meal, and then the boy hurried off to his room to call his friend and tell him the good news. 

 

~~~~~

  
  


The next couple weeks were a blur for everyone. Haru needed his passport updated, and both he and Makoto had doctors appointments what felt like every other day. They wanted to make sure both boys were alright to fly, and were running every test they could think of on them. Haru had gotten a little bit of good news: the medicine he took for his cancer seemed to be making small improvements to his health. That made his mother feel a bit better about him going. 

 

He had no idea how Makoto’s visits had gone. 

 

Group had gotten a little tense, seeing as Nitori’s relapse was still a hot topic, and be it from the cancer itself or the chemo or a combination of both, he looked terrible. Everyone was beginning to wonder if he would make a comeback this time. 

 

Rei had also been on the watch list, seeing as his headaches hadn’t lessened at all, and the pain was actually beginning to get a little worse. He was asked every week how he was doing, and he would reply with a shrug and a clipped answer, and then fall back into silence. Everyone knew he was beginning to get worried about his condition, even if he didn’t say as much. His mother had scheduled him an appointment for the following Tuesday, and he promised to let show everyone know what happened at the next meeting. 

 

Haru sat in his room several nights a week, laptop open in front of him, phone resting on his leg, and looked up everything he could about the pool, the city, and the country, and text Makoto throughout the night as they compared notes and planned their trip together. Neither boy could wait, and they were both beginning to get a little impatient with their countdown to the 26th. 

 

~~~

 

Headaches. Blurry vision. Eye pain. Everything pointed directly to it. He knew it was only a matter of time before the inevitable happened; Before he lost his other eye. He lay in the dark in his room, scared out of his mind and knowing that he would end up blind before everything was said and done, and knowing that would drive everyone as far away as they could get. 

 

It meant that soon, Nagisa would disappear from his life. 

 

The blonde had been asking even more questions than before, now that he was experiencing so much pain. He knew that Nagisa heavily suspected him of belonging to the same cancer group as the others, but he couldn’t bring himself to just go ahead and admit it. He wasn’t ready for the smaller boy to give him that pitying look, and have the disease forever be between them, always the big “what if” that would keep them on edge. 

 

He knew he couldn’t keep ignoring Nagisa’s questions, but he didn’t know what to do about them, either. And he knew there would be a lot of questions; That was just how Nagisa was. Rei could tell he was beginning to get fed up with the lack of answers, but maybe that was a good thing? Maybe it would would get too frustrating and Nagisa would just give up. On all of it. 

Maybe he wouldn’t stick around to find out the truth. 

 

~~~~

 

Nagisa was tired. He was tired of Rei brushing off his questions and concerns, and even now and then, himself in general. He was getting sick of feeling like Rei was annoyed with him, or wanted him to go away all-together, especially after everything the blue-haired boy had done for him as of late. 

 

It finally seemed like he was getting somewhere with the other boy, like maybe they could actually be good friends, after everything with the bag. Why would he have gone through all of the trouble to remake his bag down to the absolute last detail if he just wanted rid of him in the end? Something didn’t add up there. 

 

Nagisa lay in his bed, on his stomach, with his bag beside him. He glanced down at it, a frown on his face, and wished that there was some kind of magical answer it could tell him about where Rei’s head was. 

 

He’d always been drawn to him in class, even before they started talking regularly. Rei had always been very focused, and attentive, and Nagisa wished he could be a bit more like that. Not to mention, Rei was actually really handsome. 

 

And then they started talking, and Nagisa actually got to know him a little, and it just made him like the taller boy that much more. Rei was easy to fluster, which he enjoyed doing every chance he got, and it made it even better when he could make him blush. He was really cute when he blushed. Nagisa also enjoyed the moments when all the playfulness fell away, and they just  _ talked.  _ Rei was very passionate, very smart, and had a voice he could listen to for  _ hours.  _

 

Not to mention, the bag. The bag that Rei had made sure to do his best on, and make sure everything looked exactly right. The stupid bag that brought all of Nagisa’s feelings to the surface and slap him right in the face with how strongly he really felt about his friend. 

 

Which is why it was beginning to hurt so much that Rei had done this weird 180 out of the blue. 

 

Nagisa knew he hadn’t been feeling that great - in a surprising twist, Rei had actually admitted to that - lately, but he didn’t know why. Rei always changed the subject when he asked. He hated that the other boy hid things like that from him; almost like he didn’t trust him enough to let him in on whatever it was. He didn’t know why, though, to his knowledge, he hadn’t done anything to break the trust between the two of them. 

 

He wondered if it could be cancer, or something similar. Nagisa hadn’t been able to stop thinking about that possibility ever since Momo had let it slip at Haru’s party that Rei was involved in Group. Why hadn’t Rei said anything about it to him? 

 

He didn’t want to invade the other boy’s privacy, but he was getting desperate for answers, and if Rei wasn’t going to tell him himself, then Nagisa was just going to have to find someone else who would. 

 

~~~~~

July 26th, Haru thought excitedly. He and Makoto would be leaving in under a month. A week just to spend with the other boy and have fun. He couldn’t wait. They had most of the trip planned out already, wanting to fit in as much exploring as they could between their time at the pool and sleeping, and figured they could at least see one or two sites that weren’t the training pool. 

They weren’t exactly sure how much time they’d be spending there, but they knew it would be a lot.

Makoto was spending as much time as he could at the Nanase house, discussing the trip with Haru and getting to know his parents a little better and let them know he wasn’t an ax wielding maniac. 

His mother informed him one night after they said goodbye to the brunette that she was glad Haru had found such a sweet friend. “It’s been a long time since you’ve been so close to someone.” She said. 

“Yeah.” 

“I think the last time you had a friend like that was Rin.” 

Haru’s eyes darkened a little at that, but he turned his head away for a moment. “Makoto’s different.” 

“It’s just nice to see you like this. I told you Group was a good idea.” She replied, pulling him in for a one-armed hug. 

“You were right.” 

“I always am.” 

Haru smiled a little at that, said a quick goodnight, and headed up for his room. 

He had been right about one thing: Makoto definitely  _ was  _ different. Their relationship was nothing like his and Rin’s had been.

For one, he hadn’t been head over heels in love with Rin Matsuoka. 

  
  


His passport arrived the second week of July, and that was when it finally sunk in that the trip was real, and they would be leaving in just under two weeks. Haru leaned against the kitchen entryway staring at his picture, reading his information over and over, and smiled to himself. There was nothing else he needed to wait for now; everything was sealed up in a nice little package. All they had to do now was wait. 

  
  


At group that Wednesday, Makoto told everyone about their trip during his story time, and all of their friends let out a collective, depressed sigh. Without Haru and Makoto, they had no idea how they would all manage to meet up and hang out, and Momo lamented that he wouldn’t be able to see Gou for a whole week, and by the time they met again, she might have forget him. Rei informed him that if he was that easy to forget, then she wasn’t that into him in the first place. 

He didn’t see the fear in the redhead’s face after he said that, nor the determination about finding a way to go see her no matter what. 

~~~~~ 

Talk had turned almost exclusively to Australia. Their group had gotten as invested in it as Makoto and Haru, and were coming up with their own suggestions for things they should do while their. Gou recommended some places she’d heard Rin talk about, and Rei and Nitori offered to help research if they wanted them to. Nagisa and Momo both begged them to smuggle a baby kangaroo back for them. 

“Haru always wears hoodies anyways,” Momo said. “It would feel right at home in the front pocket.” 

“But will that be big enough? Maybe we could buy him a hoodie and have Rei make up a special pocket just for the baby kangaroo.” Nagisa suggested.

“I’m not helping you do anything illegal. And a baby kangaroo isn’t called a ‘baby kangaroo’, it’s called a joey.” 

“Oh come on, Rei!” Nagisa begged. “Kangaroos are awesome!” 

“They’re dangerous, Nagisa.” 

“So what?” the blonde pouted. “Snakes are dangerous, too, and people keep those as pets all the time!” 

Rei turned to look at the smaller boy and huffed. “You’re not other people, Nagisa. And a snake is a little different than a six foot tall animal that could, quite literally, knock you flat on your back.” 

“Rei!” he whined, laying his head on the blue-haired boy’s shoulder. Rei sighed exasperatedly, not knowing at all how to deal with this. Though, after a moment, Nagisa straightened up and began talking to Momo about how their shared custody of the joey would work, which led to a quiet plea from both Rei and Nitori to not get anywhere  _ near  _ a kangaroo while they were there. 

  
  
  


Midway through his ice cream, Makoto got a call from his mother and had to leave, which meant not only that Haru was at everyone’s mercy, but all of their ride’s were gone as well. After another few moments, Nagisa’s break ended, and he and Gou both went back to work, which left the four of them sitting there alone. 

Rei, Haru and Aiichiro began to fidget in the growing silence, not knowing how to get conversation started again, which meant that the job fell on Momo. The honey-eyed boy glanced quickly around at them, and smirked at Haru. “So, Nanase,” he started, leaning his elbow on the table. “You’re spending a week alone with Makoto. What’re you plannin’ on doing with him?” 

“We’ll be at the training pool.” Haru shrugged innocently. 

“What about  _ outside _ the pool?” 

Haru began to open his mouth, but Rei cut him off. “Momo, that’s not appropriate! What Makoto and Haru do on this trip is between them. Though I do have to suggest you both be safe if you decide to--” 

“Who says they’re going to do  _ anything?  _ This isn’t a honeymoon, it’s nothing even  _ close  _ to that!” Ai said, obviously flustered by the new conversation topic. “Leave him alone, guys.” 

It sunk in what the others were trying to say, and color immediately rushed to Haru’s face. He shot Momo and Rei a look before turning his eyes away from them and down to the table. “It’s nothing like that.” 

“But you want it to be!” Momo grinned. “Come on, Haru! Tell us about it. We wanna know.” 

“I don’t!” Ai inisisted. “It’s their business.” 

“Okay, all of us except Ai.” 

“Momo,  _ please! _ ” Nitori yelped. 

It took another moment or so for Haru to calm down from that shock, and another additional couple for him to be able to speak again. He knew that Rei knew how he felt about Makoto, but he wasn’t aware that  _ everyone else  _ also knew. How obvious had he been about it? Did Makoto himself know? What would happen if he did? Haru could feel the beginnings of a panic attack creeping its way up the back of his skull, and he decided to try squashing these wild fantasies the guys had built up before they got out of control. “It’s nothing like that. Swimming is important to both of us, and this might be the only chance we have at seeing something like that in person. We’re going for that reason, and  _ nothing else. _ .” 

“There,” Nitori said. “Happy now?” 

Rei chuckled, shooting Haru a quick look, before things lapsed back into silence. After awhile, the blue-haired boy finally spoke up again. “But Momo does have a point, Haru. This would be a good opportunity to tell Makoto how you feel.” 

“Or I could  _ not  _ do that.” Haru retorted. 

“Or not.” Rei said, putting his hands up. “All I’m saying is that it would be a good time to do it.” 

  
  
  


The afternoon began to drag on a little bit without Makoto there with them, and Haru was still embarrassed about everything that had been said about he and the brunette to offer up much in the ways of conversation. When he finally couldn’t take it anymore, he got to his feet and grabbed his tank. “I think I’m gonna head home, guys. I’m tired.” He said, the rest of the group saying a quick goodbye to him before he headed outside. 

Before he’d gotten five steps away, the door swung open, and he heard a small “Haru, wait!” He turned around and saw Nitori running up to him, hair bouncing around him, and eyes full of concern. The smaller boy skidded to a halt in front of him, his cheeks pink, and sucked in a couple quick breaths. “I’m sorry about the guys.” He said. “Momo’s never had much of a filter, and Rei… I think he’s been hanging around Nagisa too much. That was rude of them.” 

“It’s okay.” Haru shrugged. “They’re just curious.” 

“It’s not.” Ai replied, nervously tapping his foot on the ground.. “I just… We’ll see you next week?” 

“Sure. See you, Ai.” 

The smaller boy waved, hesitating for a moment before letting his shoulders fall, and walking back inside with the others. 

Haru walked along slowly, dragging his tank along behind him as he went, just enjoying the summer heat on his face. He wished Makoto would have been able to stay a little longer, even if it was just long enough to drive him home. Haru didn’t like that they didn’t have those last couple moments to themselves that day, where they could just enjoy each other’s company without anybody else interrupting them. 

With that in mind, he couldn’t help but wonder if maybe Rei was onto something back there. Maybe the trip  _ would  _ be a good time to talk to Makoto. But what would he do if the brunette rejected him? What if he laughed in his face over it, or make the taller boy feel bad because he didn’t feel the same way? 

Haru could see that play out in his head: the two of them sitting out in the sunshine, him confessing his feelings to Makoto, and all of the joy draining out of his face. Makoto would turn to him, and say a gentle “Haru,” and then he’d be told that they worked better as friends. Things would be awkward from then on. 

There was no way he could have that happen. With a sigh, Haru continued on, resigning himself to keeping his feelings hidden forever.

~~~~~

  
  


_ Why is it so bright today? _ Rei wondered, eyes squinting against the sunshine. He and Nagisa were studying outside at the smaller boy’s house, hoping that maybe they could keep him on the level as everyone else in their grade. Nagisa wasn’t stupid by any stretch of the imagination, but Rei learned very early on into their relationship that he had a lot of issues studying and retaining information sometimes. 

He sat hunched forward in his books, head in his hands, and trying to block the light from hitting his paper and making it that much worse. His entire head hurt. Pressure was beginning to build so tight behind his eyes that he thought he would either throw up or scream from the pain, and every little thing, every little sound or movement from his friend and the white noise in the background just made everything that much worse. He was vaguely aware of Nagisa sitting beside him, but he couldn’t bring himself to look over at the other boy. 

Rei closed his eyes, taking a gentle breath in the hopes that it would help just a little, but much to his dismay, it did absolutely nothing. Cars zoomed by around them, horns honked, and somewhere off in the distance, an alarm was going off. All the noise was becoming a wall of sound that crashed over him and felt like it was suffocating him under all of it. He curled in on himself a little tighter, the palms of his hands squeezing the sides of his head in a desperate attempt to stop the pain, but it just got worse. 

“Rei?” The voice cut through the building noises and brought him back to the present, and back to the pain in his skull. At first he didn’t respond, but the voice called him again and then there was a hand on his shoulder, trying to get his attention. He squinted up at the figure and saw Nagisa standing there, thankfully blocking most of the sun, and he was looking at him with concern. “Are you okay?” 

Before he could say anything, Nagisa moved, and Rei was left looking directly at the sun; It was almost more than he could handle. He groaned, and squeezed his eyes tightly shut. “Nagisa, do you happen to have any pain killers inside?” He asked weakly. 

“Maybe. Are you okay?” 

“Do I look okay?” 

“Not really. Uh, hold on.” With that, the blonde was up on his feet, and Rei was left sitting in the sun by himself. He put his head down between his hands and tried for avoid looking around. It was so hot, he could actually feel the back of his head being cooked by the heat, which only served to make the pressure on his skull hurt that much worse. 

Nagisa came back a minute later, holding a rattling bottle of pills in one hand and a glass of water in the other. He handed them both to Rei, who took them, and downed two Aspirin and the entire glass in three huge gulps. He set the cup down and lay on his stomach, waiting until the pills kicked in. Nagisa sat down a little ways away from him, not knowing what to do to help, but wanting to be close by just in case. 

Rei felt his stomach begin to roll after another few seconds, and barely had time to get to his feet and walk about five feet away before the few contents of his stomach decided to show back up. He coughed as he retched, knowing his legs had to be shaking like crazy, and then Nagisa was coming over to him. Rei waved him off, and had just enough time to say “Call my mom!” before he was puking again. 

Then the smaller boy was gone again, rummaging through his things until he found his phone, and then hurried off to call Mrs. Ryugazaki. 

Rei was still standing there a moment later when Nagisa came back, though he’d emptied himself of everything but a little bile. “Rei? Your mom’s coming. Why don’t we go inside to wait? I’ll get your stuff.” 

Then he was being helped up into the house, a blast of cold air hitting him in the face and making him feel really cold. He was guided to sit in a chair, and then he was alone again. Then the other boy was beside him, saying something he really couldn’t focus on right then. “Are you okay?” the shorter boy asked eventually, concern showing on his face. 

All he could manage was a shake of his head. Nagisa frowned, and kept up with his nervous chatter while they waited for his mother. As the seconds ticked by, Rei looked more and more like he was going to puke again, and Nagisa got up to get him a trashcan. Which he made use of. 

Finally, they heard a car door outside, and Nagisa peeked out the window, relieved to see Rei’s mom coming up to the house. He sprang up, unlocking the door for her and quickly explaining again what all had happened. She quickly got Rei to his feet and thanked the blonde for calling her, and then they were heading for the door. “Rei, let me know when you’re feeling better!” He said quickly. And then the blue haired boy was gone. 

  
  
  


When Nagisa got everything cleaned up, he sat on his couch with his phone in his lap, debating on what to do. He wanted to know if Rei was okay, but he didn’t have his mom’s number. He supposed he could call Makoto and see if she had it, but he didn’t think it would be a good idea to bug him at the moment. He was supposed to be babysitting today, and Nagisa knew how much of a handful his siblings could be sometimes. 

Instead, just for someone to talk to, he called his own mother and explained it all to her. According to her, it was most likely just heatstroke, and he would be fine once they got him hydrated. Nagisa tried to feel reassured by that, but it didn’t do much good. 

The only thought that kept coming back to him was the statement that Momo had made not too long ago about Rei.  _ “We all know Haru from group”.  _

Group. The cancer kid group. The group that he was sure Rei was part of. 

What if Rei had just relapsed? 

  
  


It was then that he noticed the pile of books left behind by his friend, still open and still on the last page they’d been working on. Nagisa licked his lips and gathered them all up, writing out a quick note to stick on top, explaining what happened, and to, once again, call when they’d found something out. 

~~~~

Rei sat back against the seat with his eyes closed and his fingers clutching the legs of his pants. “I need to go to the hospital.” He said, knowing already what would have to happen. He would have tests would be run on him, and they would find out that his cancer had come back in the other eye. He would end up blind before his 18th birthday. Then he really  _ would  _ have to explain himself to Nagisa, and then watch him leave. 

He tried not to focus too much on those thoughts as his mother speeded towards the ER, and tried in vain to answer her questions when she asked them. From the look on her face, she seemed to be thinking the same things as himself, and that only served to make him feel worse. 

~~~~

As the afternoon went on, his need to know what was going on with his friend was only getting bigger. No matter what, he was going to find out what the hell was happening, and he was finding out  _ today.  _

Nagisa kept staring at the clock, wondering how long it would take Makoto to get back to him about all of this. He didn’t think he would have time to walk over there himself, seeing as he still had to work, and he had another stop to make beforehand. He supposed he could just call, and the brunette could get to him later, but who knew when that would be. Besides, there was always a possibility that Rei had told the brunette not to say anything about his condition to him. Frustrated, the blonde got to his feet and went to get changed. If he didn’t leave soon, he would be late for work. 

  
  


His mind was still going on his walk to Rei’s house, reading over the other boy’s notes, and knowing he’d have to copy most of this down later. He wondered what was going on right now, if everything was alright, or if he really  _ did  _ have a resurgence. 

Nagisa could see, out of the corner of his eye, that someone was running towards him on the sidewalk, and he looked up, recognizing the face from his class. It was Sera, the captain of the track team. Maybe he would know something about Rei. Maybe this was his chance to find out the truth. 

Sucking in a breath, the blonde called out to him as he passed, and the other boy stopped, turning to look at him. “Tadanori!” 

The taller boy took a deep breath, wiping the sweat from his forehead, and shot him a confused look. “Hazuki, right?” He replied. 

Nagisa hurried his way up to him, and swallowed. “I need to talk to you about something.” 

“Okay?” 

“Why did Rei get kicked off the team?” The blonde demanded. 

“Wait, he - he didn’t get kicked off the team. He resigned.” 

Nagisa glared at him. “That’s not what Rei said!” 

“No,” Sera mused, “I guess it wouldn’t be.” He checked his watch, and thought for a second. “I have a few minutes, so I guess we can chat for a bit.” 

Nagisa shifted the books in his arms, realizing just then how heavy they were starting to get, and said, “So if Rei resigned, why’d he do it?” 

“How much do you know about Rei, Hazuki?” 

“Not a lot.” 

“Then you probably don’t know about his fake eye, I’m guessing?” 

“His what?” 

“His left eye. It’s fake.”Nagisa stared, obviously confused, but said nothing. “You mean you really didn’t know?” 

“No?” 

“Well, anyways, he quit the team because he tripped and it fell out. He was embarrassed and didn’t want it happening again during a competition.” 

“Oh.” Nagisa whispered. “But what happened to him?”

 

“Cancer. And it’s only a matter of time until he’s gonna lose the other one, too.” The taller boy checked his watch again, and cleared his throat. “Now I have to go. It was nice talking to you, Hazuki.” 

Nagisa stood there in a bit of a daze as the other boy took off, and after a moment, he turned around and started back for Rei’s house. Well, that confirmed that, then, he guessed. Rei did know Haru and Makoto from group. His heart broke for the taller boy, and he wondered how he was doing right now, if he really would end up losing his eye, or if there was anything they could do to help him. 

Why would Rei want to keep all of this secret from him? Haru and the others had been pretty upfront about their battles, and usually answered his questions if he asked without too much hesitation, but Rei… 

Of course Rei was different, wasn’t he? 

He set the stack on Rei’s front step, making sure his note was visible to whoever found it first, and turned around and started heading to work. 

He was so lost in his thoughts as he walked that he almost missed the SUV slowing down beside him on the street. “Hey, Nagisa!” Makoto yelled, rolling down his window. “You need a ride home?” 

Nagisa looked down at his clothes and shrugged. “Can you make it work?” 

“Sure! I wanted to stop in and see Haru anyways.” 

Nodding, Nagisa climbed up into the passenger seat, quickly arranging himself and sitting up straight. He wasn’t used to feeling tall like this, and he had to admit, he really liked it. Makoto put it back in gear and merged back into traffic. “Hey, Mako, I wanted to ask you something.” 

“Shoot.” 

“Well, did you hear about Rei?” 

“No…?” 

Nagisa swallowed, turning a little in his seat so he was facing the brunette. “He got really sick at my house today. I called his mom and she came to get him.” 

“Is he alright?” Makoto asked, concern in his voice. 

Nagisa sat back, trying to mask his own worry over their friend. “I don’t know. His head started hurting and he asked if I had any Aspirin. I got him some, but he ended up throwing it up. I don’t know what happened.” 

“I’ll call him later and see what I can find out.” 

“Why didn’t anybody tell me about his eye?” Nagisa demanded. “All this time, and nobody said anything. Why wasn’t I allowed to know?” 

Makoto shot the blonde a quick look, confusion on his face. “He never told you?” 

“No! And I want to know why!” 

With a frustrated sigh, the taller boy pulled up to a stoplight and relaxed a little in his seat. “What  _ has  _ Rei told you about himself?” 

“Nothing. He said he was on the track team, but got kicked off. That’s all I knew until today. I talked to Sera.” 

“And?” 

“He said that Rei… has a fake eye. And it fell out during practice, which is why he left.” 

“That’s… not wrong.” Makoto admitted, easing down on the gas. “But there’s a bit more to it. Rei and Sera were dating for awhile. Sera never could get passed the eye thing. When it fell out, he finally had enough, and broke it off with Rei.  _ That’s  _ why he left. And I’m guessing that’s why he never told you.” 

Nagisa swallowed, sitting back against his seat, his mind going a hundred miles an hour. Could that really have been all there was to it? Rei was afraid to tell him about all of this because he was afraid of his reaction? Months of worry, all built up for  _ that?  _

He was relieved that he finally knew the big secret, the big reason why Rei was always so weird with him, but he couldn’t help but be a little pissed off over it, too. Looking back on it, Nagisa couldn’t remember one instance where he treated one of their friends differently because of their diagnosis; if anything, it made him like them that much  _ more  _ because of how strong they were. He wasn’t weirded out by Mako’s leg, or Haru’s tank, or any of it. Why would an eye be any different? Why did Rei think he would have singled him out to pick on or be grossed out by? 

Did the other boy think that little of him to assume that would have made a difference in how he felt? 

With a pang in his heart, Nagisa exhaled and gathered up his stuff. “Sorry this is all happening so close to your trip. If - If you talk to him, will you tell me how he is?” 

“Sure thing.” Makoto pulled up outside of the parlor, and Nagisa climbed down out of the car. “But don’t worry about it. We’ve still got a week before we leave. Hopefully all of this will be cleared up by then.” 

Nagisa shot him a smile and said a quick thank you for the ride, and waved at him as he put his hands back on the wheel. “Have fun with your boyfriend!” 

He  _ just _ managed to catch Makoto’s sputter at that. “He’s not my boyfriend.” 

With a cackle, Nagisa shook his head. “You’re not foolin’ us, Mako. We all know!” 

“N-Nagisa, wait, it’s not like--”

Nagisa shut his door, cutting Makoto off, and laughed all the way inside the building. He looked back out the window to see if the brunette was still there, but he’d already taken off. He knew that was a little bit of a low blow, but Makoto just made it too easy to tease him sometimes. And besides, he thought that, with everything on his mind right now, he was entitled to a little mischief. 

~~~~

The first sign that something had gone wrong was two days after Rei was over at his house. Rei never had said anything to him, and he hadn’t heard from Makoto since he dropped him off, and Nagisa was itching to know what happened. He had called and text him several times, but it was radio silence on the other end. 

He thought about walking over to his house to see what was going on, but even that felt like a little too much for him. He was getting worried, though, especially because he did find out from Makoto that Rei  _ did  _ end up in the ER, and had spent the night at the hospital while they ran some tests. What they were, and when he came home, he didn’t know. But when the brunette had called his mom, she explained that he was resting.

All it did was make him even more worried. 

  
  


The next day, Nagisa decided to text Makoto again, just to see what was going on. He knew he would either be babysitting, or spending time with Haru, but hopefully he would get back to him soon. Maybe he would have found something out by now. 

Maybe by some miracle, Makoto would be able to tell him something. 

Maybe. 

  
  


It was Wednesday, which meant the usual routine: Group for the guys, and then ice cream afterwards. Nagisa figured if Makoto didn’t get back to him before school let out, he could ambush him then. He hoped, though, that by some miracle, Rei would just decide to talk to him about what was going on before then and things could go back to normal between the two of them. 

Nagisa was really getting freaked out but Rei’s attitude as of late, and he was starting to wonder if the talk going around at school about a relapse wasn’t at least partly true. 

  
  
  


He was nervously drumming his fingers when the bell over the door chimed, and the whole group walked in. They were running about 15 minutes late, and Nagisa was beginning to wonder if they just weren’t going to show up at all. Everyone was talking except for Rei. He stood near the back of the group, not looking at anybody and not really looking like he was  _ there. _ Nagisa knew something was very, very wrong. Worry started prickling in the back of his skull, and he wondered what the taller boy had found out at the hospital - if it really was as bad as what everyone was saying. 

He greeted them as cheerfully as he could, trying to ignore the fear he felt for Rei for the time being, and immediately started pestering Ai about his cat shirt. Hopefully, nobody would see how nervous he was.

The banter went back and forth as it normally did, and after a moment he took their orders. The usual three ended up going to sit at their table. That left Makoto and Momo up at the counter with him. Naturally, Nagisa’s gaze fell over to Rei. 

He hardly noticed Momo trying everything in his power to sneak around the counter and go hunt for Gou, and only after calling his name did he realize Makoto had been watching him. Pulled from his momentary daze, Nagisa looked up, meeting the brunette’s gaze. “Sorry.” He chuckled nervously. “I have a lot on my mind right now.” 

“I can see that.” The taller boy replied. “Everything okay?” 

The blonde licked his lips and leaned his elbows up on the counter, taking a breath and blurting out, “Did you ever find out what happened?” He asked. “Is Rei okay?” 

Hesitating, Makoto turned hurriedly around to look at his friend and see if he’d overheard. “Um…Nagisa, I think that’s something you and him need to talk about on your own. It’s between the two of you.” 

“I’ve been trying!” Nagisa said frustratedly, his voice cracking. “He won’t talk to me! I’ve been texting him since he went to the hospital, I’ve tried talking to him at school, he won’t even  _ look at me,  _ Mako! I don’t know what to do!” 

Makoto’s lips turned down at the corners, and shook his head. It wasn’t fair of Rei to keep Nagisa in the dark like this over so many things, especially when it made him this upset. He waited until the smaller boy had wiped his eyes and regained a little of his composure before speaking again. “I’ll talk to him about it.” He promised.

It wasn’t the answer he wanted, but it was better than nothing. Nagisa’s shoulders fell in relief, and he handed Makoto his and Haru’s ice creams. “Thanks, Mako.”

When he got their snacks made up, the two remaining boys took them back to the table, and Nagisa was on his way to the edge of the counter, when he stopped. Maybe Rei didn’t want him there right now. Maybe he should give everyone a break from himself for at least a week. 

With a shaky breath, Nagisa went around to the back and grabbed a couple rags and decided to clean up his work station a little. He’d been putting it off for a couple weeks now so he could spend time with the guys, but now… 

He picked up a bottle of glass cleaner and sprayed the doors on the ice cream station, meticulously wiping them clean of fingerprints. He was, for once in his life, grateful for the lights directly above him, making it harder to see when everything was clean or not. It made it harder for him to justify looking up to see what Rei and the others were doing. When that was done, he walked around to the front to do the other side, back tense when he felt eyes on him. He kept turned away from the table, not saying anything and trying not to listen to their conversation. Nagisa swallowed, trying to keep his mind focused on his work, and finished up as quickly as he could. 

He did a couple other small things (cleaning up ice cream drips from the bottom of the station and the counter on his side, wiping down the cash register, restocking the toppings), but found his eyes occasionally drifting over to the others. He tried to convince himself that this was stupid, that he could just go over and hang out and not pout like a little kid, but he just… couldn’t. 

Having Rei ignore him was hard enough at a distance. He didn’t know if he could handle it up close and personal.  

Instead, he tried to think about what Makoto had confessed to him the other day, about the real reason Rei had left the track team. He tried to imagine himself in Rei’s position, and he had to admit he didn’t blame the other boy for acting the way he did, but it didn’t make it any easier. 

What happened to him wasn’t a big deal, nor had it ever been. At least not to Nagisa.  

Rei was just  _ Rei _ , and he liked him for everything that meant - fake eye and possible cancer resurgence and all. The only thing Nagisa wanted was to see him happy, and feel secure enough with their relationship that they could  _ talk  _ about this stuff. 

  
  


Eventually, all of the guys stood up, and one by one, Haru, Momo, and Aiichiro said a quick goodbye to him and headed outside. Rei made to get up too, but Makoto grabbed his hand, insisting that he sit back down for a minute.  _ This is it, _ Nagisa thought, trying to make himself look busy. 

The brunette folded his arms on the table, all of his normal good naturedness gone and replaced by a stern, disappointed look. His back was straight as he spoke, his eyebrows set in a straight line. Nagisa couldn’t hear exactly what was being said, but he heard his own name fall from the brunette’s lips a few times.

Whatever it was, it seemed to upset Rei, and Nagisa couldn’t help but keep his eyes on him. Rei was frowning, his eyes fixed on the table in front of him, and nodded after Makoto was finished. He shot a quick glance over to the counter, and Nagisa’s eyes went wide and he ducked down, not wanting to be caught staring at them. After a second, he peeked his head up, and the boys were standing up. Makoto’s smile was back, and although he still didn’t look exactly  _ right  _ still, Rei looked a bit more like himself than before. 

He could see Makoto looking over at the counter, trying to find him, and Nagisa grudgingly stood upright again, and tried to keep the color from his cheeks. “We’ll see you, Nagisa!” He said cheerfully as they left. Nagisa waved back in response, still embarrassed with himself, and watched them leave. 

~~~~

Haru couldn’t sleep. He lay in bed, once again finding himself staring at the ceiling and feeling bored out of his mind. In 12 hours, he would be on the plane to Australia with Makoto. They would be leaving in  _ 12 hours _ . He was sure he was forgetting something important, sure that he needed to check his bag for a fifth time and completely unpack everything, just to make sure it was all there. 

His suitcase stood on its end, ready to go, by his door, and Haru’s eyes landed on it in the dark. He needed to check it again, but he’d already been hooked up to his BiPap, and wasn’t sure he wanted to bother with unhooking himself already. 

But his bag was bothering him. Had he gotten his passport together? What about his clothes? Had he packed enough underwear? Was his computer there? Chargers? Had he packed  _ anything?  _

Haru reached for his phone, wanting to text Makoto and see if he was having as much trouble sleeping, but he didn’t want to wake him up on the off chance that he was. Haru wanted nothing more than to text Makoto and see if he was having trouble sleeping, too, but on the off chance that he was actually asleep, he didn’t want to wake him up. 

Instead, he scrolled through his few social media apps, refreshing them every few seconds in hopes that something new would pop up and distract him for a few seconds. Then, when that proved to be fruitless, he began reading back through old messages between himself and his friends for something to do.

Obviously, Makoto was the one who he spoke to the most out of all of them, but he actually was a little surprised to see how much he actually spoke to the others. Rei, naturally, had a good thread going on his, too, especially lately, after he began confiding in Haru about Nagisa. The blue-haired boy had randomly text him one evening, asking it would be okay if he ranted for a few minutes, and, not knowing what he was in for, agreed. 

He should have known better. He really, really should have. 

Apparently, Rei hadn’t said one word to Nagisa about his eye, or anything relating to it, and Nagisa had been bugging him for awhile. He suspected someone had said something about it, because as of lately, his pestering had just gotten worse. And after his trip to the ER, it had actually made him feel a little guilty for not explaining himself. 

Rei insisted that he just needed time to process everything, and then he would tell Nagisa about everything. Haru made him swear it, and since then, Rei had been coming to him for advice on what to say. 

Haru, at one point, just told him to kiss the blonde and get it over with. It would be a lot less hassle on all of them. Rei responded that he would when Haru did. 

Haru followed that up with an apology, and decided to offer some genuine advice. 

  
  
  


Morning came much too early, and Haru groggily lifted himself up, sitting on his bed for a few tired minutes while he woke himself up. He felt like he’d gotten maybe 20 minutes of sleep in total, and he wasn’t sure he could manage to walk two steps without falling over. 

He hoped he’d be able to sleep a little on the plane, but he figured that once he got with Makoto, he would be too wound up to even consider a nap. 

Eventually, he talked himself into getting up, and shuffled over to his suitcase, picking up his carry on bag beside it, and shoved his phone charger inside. After that, he headed downstairs and padded into the kitchen, yawning to himself and saying a quick good morning to his parents. 

They were sitting at the table when he walked in, having a moment to themselves to say goodbye. When they noticed him standing there, they called him over, and the three had a quick breakfast. 

At 5:30, Haru went back up to his room to get dressed and grab his things, his excitement coming back in full force now that he was a little bit more awake. He double-checked his carry on, making sure all his boarding info and his passport were tucked inside one of the pockets (they were), and then he carried his bags out into the hall. 

His dad was waiting for him at the top of the stairs, giving him a patient smile as he lugged his suitcase over to him. His father took it and carried it downstairs so Haru wouldn’t have to worry about juggling his carry on, his tank, and the heavy bag on his own. He thanked him when he sat the carry on down, giving his dad a quick, one-armed hug while they waited for his mother, and then they were loading up the car. 

  
  


~~~

Haru sat in the backseat of his mother’s car, listening to his parents chat back and forth about the trip, and closed his eyes. He knew he wouldn’t get much of a nap in on the way over to the Tachibana house, but any little bit would help. 

Although, he found himself having trouble shutting his mind off long enough to relax. He kept thinking about the fact that he hadn’t traveled out of the country since before his diagnosis, and never with a friend. Especially not a friend like Makoto.

And now he would be spending a week with him! Almost alone! 

  
  


They pulled into Makoto’s driveway and let the car idle for a few moments while they waited. Haru scooted over so he was sitting behind his dad, knowing that Makoto would need all the leg room he could get in the small vehicle. Another couple minutes passed and the taller boy still hadn’t come out. 

“Should I text him again?” Haru suggested, not taking his eyes away from the door. 

“Give him another minute.” 

The seconds ticked by very slowly, Haru getting more anxious as they went, and was just getting ready to pull his phone out when the door opened and Makoto stepped out, dragging a suitcase behind him. It suddenly occurred to Haru why he was taking so long. 

The taller boy was having more trouble walking than ever before. He took careful, gentle steps, trying to keep as much weight off of his bad leg as possible, and had to stop halfway between the door and the car just to give it a break. He looked like he was in a hell of a lot of pain, and Haru leaned over and opened the door for him so he could just fall into the seat when he got there. 

They felt the car dip down a little with the added weight of Makoto’s bag, and then he limped his way over to the driver’s side, rubbing his leg while he thanked them for coming to pick him up. 

“Is everything okay?” Mrs. Nanase asked, eyeing the brunette carefully as he dropped in behind Mrs. Nanase.

Makoto gave a final rub of his leg and sat back in his seat, buckling his seatbelt before answering. “Yeah, just having a little trouble with my leg. They cancelled my appointment to get a new prosthetic fitted before we left, so now I have to wait til I get back. I think that’s the whole problem.” He shrugged. “I’ll be fine.” 

“There’s painkillers in Mom’s bag if you need them later.” Haru said, sitting up a little and smiling at his friend. Early morning Makoto was even in some ways more handsome than regular Makoto. His hair hadn’t been messed with and was sticking up in awkward angles, his eyes still drooped a little with leftover sleep, and the lazy little smile on his face made Haru’s breath catch in his throat. 

Mr. Nanase walked in with them, saying another round of goodbyes while they waited to go through customs, and swallowed around the lump in his throat as they all handed over their passports. Haru looked back while they waited in line to have their bags looked over, and waved at his dad one more time before he walked away. 

  
  


They made it to their gate with a half hour to spare. The boys both dropped down into seats, Haru wheezing out breaths, and Makoto rubbing his leg, both obviously in a lot of pain. Haru shut his eyes, trying to tell his lungs that everything was okay, and they didn’t have to work so hard to pull in air now that they’d made it. 

Much to his dismay, his lungs didn’t get the message. 

He felt a gentle nudge on his arm and looked over to see Makoto looking at him. “Okay?” he asked, noticing how hard he was still breathing. 

Haru answered with a nod, and went back to trying to tell his body to calm down. 

Nobody felt much up for talking in the time they had left to wait for the plane, and Haru found himself actually able to doze off for a moment. He was woken up all too soon, though, when a voice came over the PA and said that anybody who needed a little extra time to be seated could now board. He opened his eyes, and his mother and Makoto were already standing, their bags draped over their shoulders and just waiting for him. 

Haru got to his feet and lifted his own bag up, sagging a little under its weight. 

They all got their tickets scanned, and with an excited smile to the brunette, the three, along with all of the others in their line, walked down the jet bridge and over the threshold of the plane.

He didn’t sense anybody right behind him though, and looked back to see Makoto, still in the middle of the jet bridge, looking at the plane with wide, fearful eyes. Haru stepped back over and went up to the taller boy, offering his hand out to him, and shot him an encouraging smile. “I take it you’ve never been on a plane?” 

“N-No.” Makoto replied, still eyeballing the door. “I didn’t think it’d be this… intimidating.” 

“Come on, backstroke boy.” Haru teased, taking his hand. 

“I was hoping you’d forgotten about that by now.” Makoto closed his fingers over Haru’s, the tips of his ears pink with embarrassment, and followed the dark-haired boy onto the plane. 

They got in their seats (Haru allowing Makoto to take the one by the window), and got buckled in. The brunette still looked a little green, but Haru had no clue what to do to help him. “What’s got you so nervous?” 

“Crashing. Engine exploding. Not making it off the runway. How bad takeoff is gonna be. Everything, really.” 

“It’ll be fine.” Haru assured him. “Just keep your eyes on the window until we’re in the air. It makes it easier.” 

Nodding, Makoto turned so he was looking out the window, and Haru looked around him to see, too. When the plane started turning around, the taller boy gripped down on the armrests, all the calm he managed to collect completely gone from his body. They started off down the runway, and all the color had drained from Makoto’s face and hands, and his eyes were squeezed tightly shut. They gained speed, and Haru thought for a moment that the taller boy was going to become part of the seat with how hard he was pressed back into it. When they took off and were in the air, Makoto let out a breath and opened one eye, looking around and trying to see if there was any damage. He visibly relaxed and released the armrests, settling back in his seat just a little. “That wasn’t so bad.” he admitted. 

“No, it wasn’t.” Haru agreed, shooting him an amused look. 

The two boys talked for a little over an hour before Haru started drifting off. Makoto looked like he was close to falling back asleep himself. They both decided to take a little advantage of being stuck in their seats, and rest for a little bit. Haru leaned back in his seat as much as he could, and closed his eyes, excited to know that when he woke up, they’d be that much closer to Australia. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, no! What's going to happen to Rei?! D: 
> 
> I wanted to say something down here really fast, just as a "holy shit, everyone!"...  
> I'm proud to announce that, as of this chapter, Some Infinities is officially the longest story I've ever written! It's beaten my last fic by 8 thousand and some words, and it's still on-going! That's freakin' insane!! 
> 
> Hopefully you guys aren't too angry with me over Rei. I'm sorry about that. But... hey, it'll... be kind of okay. I promise. 
> 
> Chapter ten is the one I've been dying to write forever. I can't wait to get started on it finally!! I'm so excited!!!!!!!!
> 
>  
> 
> ALSO QUICK ANNOUNCEMENT!!! I will be kinda AWOL with SI until mid-to-late October. I have a friend coming into town for a bit, and we're heading to a convention!   
> Then it's right back to work!!!


	10. Australia

It was still dark out when Haru opened his eyes. He was still in his seat, buckled in, and Makoto was awake and looking out the window beside him. Haru shifted, and the other boy looked over, shooting him a quick smile, and leaned back in his seat. “We’re gonna be landing soon.” he said, eyes going back to the window. “I never realized how pretty cities like this could be from up here,”

 

Blinking, Haru sat up a little straighter, still trying to fully wake up, and glanced out the window with the other boy. Sydney glittered like a thousand stars below them; the lights went on for what felt like miles, and smaller, moving lights poured in and out of the heart of it. Cars, Haru guessed. “Yeah. When you’re down there, you can’t take everything in at once. It’s too loud. But up here… you see everything for what it is.”

 

Makoto stretched, pulling his phone out of his pocket, and snapped a picture of the city below. “My mom will appreciate this.” he said, smiling.

 

The two continued talking for awhile, Haru telling stories about trips that he took when he was young, bad airport experiences, and a thousand other tiny things that Makoto hung onto every word over. His green eyes shone brightly in the dim light of the plane, laughing along with the stories he told, every bit as invested as he was in telling them.

 

Before they knew it, the pilot came over the speaker and announced they’d be descending. The seatbelt sign flashed above them, and the two boys began gathering up their things as they got ready to get off the plane.

 

Inside the airport, it was a solid wall of noise and bodies, running this way and that, trying to catch connecting flights, or running to find gates they were almost late for. Signs popped up every which way, confusing signs pointing to sky trains or terminals, or bathrooms, and Haru dreaded the trip home, knowing that they’d all get turned around in this place if they weren’t careful.

 

Haru and his mother actually got separated from Makoto a couple times, and would never have found him if he wasn’t so tall. Eventually, Haru just grabbed his hand as they tried to find their way out of the airport, just so he wouldn’t get lost again. Haru knew it wasn’t entirely Makoto’s fault; he’d never been out of the country before, and this was all a new experience for him. He couldn’t help it that he wanted to wander off and just explore things as they made their way through, but in a place as big as this, they couldn’t afford to lose him.

 

Luckily, by the time they caught up with her outside, Mrs. Nanase was in the process of hailing a cab, which took them to their hotel. It would be a couple hours before they were allowed to check in, but none of them minded too much. The lobby was huge, and the chairs were comfortable, and they had wifi, so everyone disappeared for awhile behind their respective devices - Haru having to answer texts from all of their friends to insure that they were all alive and okay (especially Aiichiro, surprisingly). He could only assume that Makoto was having to do the same. After a few moments, his mother was asleep in her armchair.

 

Haru was once again struck with how crazy this whole thing was. He and Makoto were actually here, together, in a different country, about to spend an entire week just with each other. The conversation he had with their friends before they left came back to him, and he had to wonder… Why did he really come along with this?

 

Could Rei and Momo have been onto something after all?

 

Haru shot a quick side-eyed glance at the boy next to him, still buried momentarily in his phone, and began to panic just a little. Would he be able to keep his emotions in check this week, being around the other boy 24/7? What if Makoto found out about how he felt? What if he ruined everything between them?

 

“Are you nervous?”

 

Makoto’s sudden question cut through all of his thoughts, and Haru sucked in a quick breath before turning to him and nodding. “Not really. Are you?”

 

“A little,” he admitted. “Mostly for you to meet my contact.” He chuckled, putting his phone in his pocket. “We can head over as soon as we check in and get our stuff set down. An old friend of mine is gonna pick us up. You’ll like him; He’s really nice.”

 

“I’ll take your word for it.”

 

Makoto ended up dozing off after a little while, his phone slipping out of his hands and landing with a soft _thud_ onto the floor. Haru reached down and picked it up, eyes glancing over the name on the screen. It wasn’t one he was familiar with, so he just set it down beside the other boy, and went back to his own screen.

 

He had a text waiting for him from Momo, who it appeared was pulling a late night in order to mess with him.

 

**_have you kissed him yet??_ **

 

**No. I’m not going to.**

 

**_:( why not????_ **

 

**That’s not why I’m on this trip.**

 

**_you should do it anyway._ **

 

With a sigh, Haru put his phone down and folded his arms over his chest, letting his eyes slip shut for a little bit while they waited to be let into their room.

 

It felt like five minutes later, Makoto was shaking his shoulder and telling him to wake up. Haru groggily opened his eyes, and was immediately staring into soft green ones. “We can check in now.” he said.

 

Haru nodded, standing up and grabbing his bags, following after the others up the elevator to their room, which apparently was two rooms with an adjoining door. How they managed to swing that, he had no idea. Mrs. Nanase chose the bed she wanted, and Haru picked the one next to her, which meant Makoto had a whole room to himself on the other side of the door. He set his things down, and when it was just the two Nanases, Haru took a moment to breathe before his day started.

 

He rummaged through his suitcase for a moment, trying to find something clean to change into, and then hurried off to the bathroom to do just that. When he emerged, Makoto was sitting on his bed, dressed in clean clothes as well, and smiled at him. “Hey, you ready to go?”  

 

With a nod, he followed the taller boy out, leaving his mother there alone for the rest of the day. The two boys got down to the lobby, staring out the windows that looked out into the streets of the city, remarking to each other how different it was than what they assumed it would be, and watched as the cars pulled up and took off out front.

 

“What kind of car are we looking for?” Haru asked eventually, watching another couple pull up and leave.

 

“I… don’t know.” Makoto admitted. “He said he’d just come get us when he got here.”

 

“Well, who are we looking for, then?”

 

Makoto smiled, pulling his phone out and tapping around for a second while trying to find what he was looking for. He handed it to Haru, and he was met with the photo of a young man with bright pink hair and violet eyes. “Apparently, he took that this morning, so we’ll know who to look for.”

 

“How do you know him?”

 

“He used to be best friends with a guy on one of my old swim teams. The three of us used to be really close. I actually ended up playing basketball with Kisumi one winter. We did well together!”

 

Skeptically, Haru handed the phone back and went back to scanning the cars on the street. He didn’t like the way he looked already. His hair was obnoxious, and he looked like he would just be a giant headache to deal with.

 

Finally, a small, dark car pulled up out front and out stepped Mr. Cotton Candy Hair himself. He stepped inside, B-lined for Makoto, and pulled him in for a giant hug. Haru stood back a ways, not liking at all how friendly this Kisumi seemed with Makoto already. When the two broke apart, Makoto turned to him, beaming, and said, “And this is my friend, Haruka.”

 

“Haru.” Haru corrected.

 

“Oh, so _you’re_ the dolphin Mako’s been telling me all about.” he said, holding out a hand. “It’s nice to finally put a face to a name, Haruka.”

 

Haru stared at the offered hand for a good five seconds before finally taking it, gripping it just a little bit harder than strictly necessary, and pulled it back away as soon as possible. “Haru, but, that’s me.”

 

Things fell silent between the three for an awkward couple seconds, and finally Kisumi cleared his throat and fished his keys back out of his pocket. “Shall we?” he asked.

 

The other two followed him outside, Haru climbing into the back, and Makoto taking the passenger seat. Frowning, Haru slid to the middle of the back bench so he could still talk to and see the others without too much difficulty.

 

“It’s been too long since I’ve seen you, man! The last time I was in town, you were still normal sized.” Kisumi joked, giving Makoto a grin.

 

“It’s been a long time, then.”

 

“Yeah, four years, I think? Give or take?”

 

“How long’s Asahi been gone?”

 

“Shit, that’s been… five years. I’ve been out here two.”

 

“Do you ever hear from Asahi anymore?” Makoto asked, turning a little in his seat. “It’s been so long since I’ve talked to him, he probably doesn’t even remember me.”

 

The pink-haired boy smirked, but said nothing in reply. “How’ve you been, Mako?” He asked, changing the subject. “How’d you and Mr. Dolphin meet?”

 

“We met at a support group.” Haru snapped, gripping his tank with both hands, fingers gently fiddling with the tubes leading from the top, and bit down on the inside of his cheek. Mr. Dolphin? Was that really all he’d been reduced to? This guy didn’t know him from Adam, and he was already insulting him? Haru shot a glare towards the front of the car that he wasn’t sure anybody had seen, and sulked up against the seat. He already wasn’t fond of Cotton Candy Hair, or how chummy he seemed to be with Makoto, and a sinking feeling told him they’d be spending a lot of time together during this trip.

 

“Yeah…” Makoto said, shooting a quick look back at Haru. “My - my friend, Rei, talked me into going to this cancer survivor’s support group, and I met Haru there.”

 

Kisumi’s eyes glanced back at him from the rear-view mirror, and he chuckled. “Seems a bit like the brooding, silent type. How on earth did you two end up becoming friends?”

 

Haru bit down harder on the inside of his cheek, and thought after a moment that he could taste a little blood on his tongue. He turned his head away from the front and tried to convince himself that he was looking at the scenery as it passed by.

 

“He’s really not!” Makoto insisted, the tips of his ears turning pink. “Yeah, Haru’s a little quiet sometimes, but it’s mainly when he’s around more than one person. Don’t take it personal, Kisumi. He’ll open up after awhile, I promise.”

 

 _Don’t count on it._ Haru thought angrily. He had to assume that this was who Makoto meant when he said he was nervous to meet his contact. And Makoto had good reason for him to be nervous! He didn’t like this new guy at all, and if it wasn’t for the brunette, he would have told him off by now and then went home.

 

The rest of the drive went by with Haru listening to the old friends catch up, trying not to pay too much attention as they talked about old times on the basketball team, or the swim team, or whatever other team they were on together. It wasn’t that Haru minded that Makoto had other friends, but he really didn’t like this guy in particular. Something about the way he looked at the brunette, the way he spoke, it was too affectionate. Too… personal, almost. It made Haru wonder if there wasn’t something… else behind that too-friendly expression.

 

Finally, they pulled into the lot of the training pool, and all was momentarily forgotten. The building was _huge,_ pewter gray steel, with a skylight running right down the middle of the roof, big enough that looked like it could light up the entire inside. It was big enough that it looked like more of a football stadium than a swimming pool. Haru stepped out of the car in a daze, unable to take his eyes away, and probably would have spent the whole day under its spell, if not for Makoto calling him back to reality.

 

“Wow! This place is even bigger than the pictures I saw!” he said excitedly, looking back for Haru. “Are you seeing this?”

 

Haru nodded, taking the spot directly beside the brunette, and the two of them looked up at it in awe for a moment.

 

“Yep, it’s pretty great.” Kisumi said, shutting the driver’s side door. “Come on, I’ll take you in and introduce you to the bit of team that’s still here.”

 

“Still here?” Makoto prompted, following after the other boy.

 

“Well,” the pink-haired boy started, “a couple guys went back to Japan for a bit of an end-of-summer break, one went back to America for a funeral or something, and our best butterfly swimmer, Sousuke, is out for the rest of the season with a shoulder injury. It’s a damn shame; he was really good. There’s only a handful of guys left right now.”

 

“Looks like you’ll have to volunteer, Kisumi!” Makoto teased.

 

“Are you kidding?!” He laughed, giving the other guy a playful shove. “I’ve got too many other things to worry about. Like filling out all the spots on my college’s basketball club. You don’t wanna hang around for a semester, do you?”

 

Makoto chuckled, a bittersweet look in his eye. “I couldn’t even if I wanted to, remember?” he said, pointing down to his leg. “I can’t exactly run very well anymore.”

 

“Oh. Right. How’re you doing?”

 

“I’m… alright. It could be worse.”

 

“Just alright?” Kisumi prompted.

 

Haru glanced over at the new guy, and answered, “He’s been having some pain in his leg for the last bit. It’s been too hot at home, and it’s been swelling.”

 

Kisumi glanced back at Makoto with another grin on his face, and clapped his friend on the back. “Well, luckily, I have just the thing for that! That’s nothin’ a quick dip in the pool won’t fix!”

 

“Won’t we get in trouble for that?”

 

“Nah, it’ll be fine!”

 

The three made their way inside, Kisumi holding the door for them, and the boys were once again struck by the beauty of the place. Once they got in through the next set of doors, and Haru could hear the splashing of water, the whistles from coaches, and smell the chlorine, he felt as though he was in heaven. He wandered a little ways ahead of the others, but stopped short when he was met face to face with one of the biggest pieces of his past.

 

***************

 

**_Nagisa, can we talk?_ **

 

Nagisa stared at the phone in his hand, eyes reading over the text from his friend five times, just wanting to make sure he’d read it right. Rei actually wanted to talk to him, finally? They hadn’t spoken more than a couple words to each other since his trip to the hospital, and he had to admit he was getting fed up with waiting.

 

He read over the text one more time, trying to decide what to say, before finally settling on:

 

**Sure just let me know when.**

 

**_How about tomorrow?_ **

 

**Alright.**

**  
** Nagisa shoved his phone into his pocket and hurried off to work. It was Wednesday, which meant that the guys would be stopping in for ice cream on their way home from Group - at least, he hoped they would, considering they didn’t have their usual ride this week. It still was odd to him to have such a large group of friends who actually looked forward to seeing him like this, but he would have been lying if he said he wasn’t thrilled about it. Seeing the guys gave him something to look forward to, a reason to make it through to the next time they all got to hang out.

 

Especially, despite their recent issues, Rei.

 

Rei… Nagisa still had no idea what he was going to say to him the following day. It had been near radio silence between them since the previous week, when he’d asked Makoto about talking to him, and it made everything feel that much more awkward when he thought about going to see him again.

 

He needed to figure it out, and fast.

 

4:00 came and went with no sign of his friends, and Nagisa had to admit to himself that he hadn’t expected them to show up without a car. It wasn’t exactly a far walk, but with as hot as it was outside, he couldn’t blame them for skipping. Especially when they could just hang out in the rec center until their rides got there. Knowing this, he went ahead and took his break.

 

He climbed up on one of the chairs at a high-top table near the back, and pulled out his phone. He scrolled through his social media for a few minutes, his mind going too fast for him to really focus on anything, and eventually put his phone down so he could think.

 

Nagisa ran through all the facts he had about their current situation: Rei was a cancer survivor who had lost an eye. He possibly had a relapse a week ago. He’d kept all of this from Nagisa because he was afraid of losing him, and he didn’t want that to happen. He was also afraid of the blonde being weirded out by his eye.

 

Thinking back on all of it left a pit in the middle of his stomach. He knew Rei had his reasons, but how he could ever draw a comparison between himself and Sera, Nagisa would never know. He liked Rei far too much to ever care about a prosthetic, or the possibility that he’d end up with another one. He didn’t _care._ Rei was too important to him for him _to_ care about any of it.

 

He just wished his friend understood that.

 

At a quarter to five, the door swung open and the bell chimed that signaled customers. Nagisa looked up from behind the counter and saw that Rei, Nitori, and Momo had come in after all. They were all hunched over, all exhausted looking, and Nagisa noted that Ai’s shirt was soaked in what could only be sweat. But still, they’d shown up, and he was very glad to see them. “Hi, guys!” He greeted.

 

Three heads turned to him, and they all began shuffling their way up to him, looking for all the world like a small group of zombies. Momo came first, and Nagisa quickly got his usual ready to go, waiting for the inevitable question.

 

“Gou?”

 

“She’s working today, but she’s in the back.”

 

“Oh.” Momo replied dejectedly. He paid, grabbed his snack, and headed off to one of the tables. Nagisa smiled, shaking his head at him, and started getting Aiichiro’s ready for him.

 

He looked horrible. Of course, he usually did these days, but today was worse than usual. Ai had the beginnings of a sunburn starting on his cheeks and neck, and he looked hot and miserable. Nagisa noticed his hair was beginning to thin, which could only mean a sunburn would grab his scalp if he had to walk outside anymore, and he made a note to try finding one of the hats from a spare uniform to give him in case he had to walk him. He handed the gray-haired boy his ice cream, and Nitori had turned to go when Nagisa stopped him. “Ai-Ai, wait!”

 

He grabbed him a cup of water with a lot of ice and handed it to him. “You look like you need that. Let me know if you need more, alright?”

 

An appreciative smile tugged at the other boy’s lips, and he accepted it. “Thanks, Nagisa.”

 

Finally, it was just down to him and Rei. Nagisa’s eyes flickered up to the other boy’s face, but he was trying everything he could not to look at him. With an inaudible sigh, Nagisa got started on Rei’s order while biting his cheek. There were so many things he wanted to say in that moment, but he didn’t want to start something at work and get in trouble. With another quick look, Nagisa saw the same turmoil on the other boy’s face as was on his own.

 

It seemed he wasn’t the only one having trouble keeping his mouth shut.

 

Nagisa handed Rei’s things to him, and the other boy uttered out a small “thanks” before walking off to join the others. Nagisa watched him go sadly, hoping not for the first time that things would be better between them after tomorrow.

 

After the guys showed up, a steady stream of customers kept Nagisa on his toes, and didn’t give him time to think. He walked by his friends’ table several times - making sure all of them got water - and promised he’d stop by and chat for a minute before they left, if they just gave him some time. It took a little while, but eventually Nagisa plopped down into one of the chairs beside Aiichiro, and slid another cup of water to him. It felt good to get off of his feet for a moment, and after allowing himself to lay his head on the table for a sec, he started chatting with the others.

 

He noted that Rei still wasn’t looking at him, which tugged a little at his heart, and he had to swallow back several things he wanted to say to him.

 

Nagisa did, however, find out what had taken them all so long. According to Aiichiro, Momo had insisted that he knew a shortcut that wouldn’t take them across the crazy busy intersection at the center of town, and against their better judgement, the others followed. They ended up clear on the other side of town, with no ride back, and Rei ended up leading them all the way back without a word to anybody.

 

Ai and Momo got into a fight that spanned the entire trip, and only put it to rest when they got outside the door of the parlor. With it being so hot outside, Nagisa only imagined that it made things that much worse.

 

Because it was so hot, and everyone was still melting, they all ended up getting another cone, and Aiichiro downed three more cups of water, before Momo called his older brother and begged him to give them all a ride home.

 

Before he forgot, Nagisa hurried around to the back and swiped one of the hats from the apare uniforms and brought it back out, handing it immediately to Aiichiro. “If you spend a lot of time outside, make sure to wear that, alright?”

 

Gou came out to say a quick goodbye to the guys, apologizing that she couldn’t come out and talk for a minute. Momo, as usual, didn’t take his eyes off of her for even a minute, not even when they all went outside. Nagisa caught him several times looking in through the window at her. With a laugh, she waved to him before disappearing again.

 

Nagisa swore he saw big, cartoony hearts fly up around his head after that.

 

~~~

The next morning, Nagisa lay awake in bed, his stomach tied in a knot, and felt like he was going to get sick.

 

This was it. This was his chance to find out the full truth from Rei, and he was so nervous, he wasn’t even sure he wanted to know now.

 

He only hoped that Rei would listen to him and not shut him out again. He thought about what he wanted to say, and had a simple speech planned out by the time he got dressed and ready for the day, and only hoped he would be able to say it all when the time came.

 

At 9:00 am, he text his friend and asked what time they should meet and where, and after an anxious fifteen minutes later, Rei text him back. They would be meeting at a park near the school in an hour.

 

An hour.

 

Nagisa hurried through his breakfast and tried to relax for a little bit before it would be time to go, but he found sitting down only made him feel sick, so he just went ahead and grabbed his things and headed out.

 

He reached the park in record time, eyes quickly scanning over the grounds for a secluded spot where they could talk without too much interruption. He didn’t see Rei there yet, and, feeling his anxiousness growing, told the boy where he was in the park, and waited.

 

It was early, but the sun was already high in the sky and about to bake him alive with heat. Nagisa sat under a tree, a little ways off the main path, sweat coating every inch of his exposed skin and soaking through his shirt. Part of him wished that Rei would have just come over to his house so they could talk. His sisters were gone, his parents were at work, they would have had the entire place to themselves for awhile…

 

It would have been a bit better than having his brain cook out in the heat.

 

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of waiting, he heard a throat clear somewhere above him. Nagisa opened his eyes, and there stood Rei, looking every bit as uncomfortable as he felt. Nagisa got to his feet, all of the confidence he felt in himself earlier about what he planned on saying was out the window now, and he couldn’t even bring himself to say hello just yet.

 

The two stood there, six feet from each other, for a few long seconds, unable to say anything.

 

A bead of sweat rolled down the back of Nagisa’s neck as he waited, and it was becoming apparent that the other wasn’t going to say anything. He gave it a few more seconds, and, finally unable to stand the silence anymore, he took a breath and asked, “Why didn’t you tell me about your eye?”

 

“My what?”

 

“Your _eye_ , Rei! Why didn’t you tell me about it? Do you honestly think I’d care so much about it that I’d take off? Do you really think that little of me?”

 

“Nagisa, I--”

 

“ _Do you?”_

 

The air was still between the two, and in the silence, Nagisa could hear every beat of his heart pounding in his ears. Rei stood completely still, eyes wide and mouth open, shocked by the accusation thrown in his face so suddenly. The taller boy’s shoulders dropped, though he didn’t make an attempt to say anything to defend himself. That was all the proof that Nagisa needed to know the truth.

 

“Did you seriously think I’d freak over something so small? You’re my _friend_ , Rei, I couldn’t care less about a fake eye!” His voice cracked, on the last word, and the tears started falling, Nagisa not making any attempt to wipe them away. A broken sob heaved itself out of the smaller boy’s chest, and he glared at his friend, not knowing what else to say.

 

“Nagisa, I’m…” Finally, he heard footsteps getting closer to him, and when he looked up, Rei was just a few feet away, regret clear on his face. “I’m sorry.”

 

“You should be!” the blond replied, his voice thin. “You should be sorry about that! Why don’t you trust me?”

 

“I… can we talk?” He waited for Nagisa to nod before leading him just a little ways down the path to a small bench that was just big enough for them to fit comfortably on. “First off, I want to apologize for not telling you. But you have to understand something, Nagisa, I--”

 

“I already talked to Sera.” the blond admitted, still sniffing. “I know what happened.”

 

“Then you know why I was hesitant.”

 

“I know that, but I’m not Sera! You’ve seen how I am with Mako, Haru, and the others, I haven’t freaked out on them yet, have I?”

 

“No, you haven’t.”

 

“So what makes you so different from them?”

 

That managed to stump Rei for a few seconds, and Nagisa could see him scrambling for an answer. When he couldn’t find one, he finally sighed and just gave up. “Nothing… I was just… nervous.”

 

Nagisa took a breath, trying to calm himself a little, before asking his next question. “Why didn’t you tell me about Sera?”

 

“I didn’t know how you’d react.” He admitted, not catching the look Nagisa shot him at that. “For a number of reasons. But, Nagisa, we can talk about that later. Right now, I need to explain something.” Rei paused for a moment, running over his words in his head to stall for some time, and stared up at the sky, eyes fixed on a butterfly as it wound its way up higher and higher towards the clouds. “When I’m with you, I’m not Rei Who Has Cancer. I’m not someone that needs to be pitied, or looked down on. I’m just… _Rei_ . Just like you’re Nagisa. I can be _normal_ with you, and that’s such a nice feeling. To just be your friend. Just another regular guy with a good friend by his side. I - I guess I just wasn’t ready to give that up.”

 

“Who said you still can’t be!” Nothing has to change because of this, Rei! Nothing _has_ changed! I’ve never looked at you differently, even after finding out!” If anything, Nagisa thought, it just made him appreciate Rei that much more, for being so strong through the whole thing. “You can still just be Rei.”

 

“I appreciate that, but I’m not finished yet. I’m sure you remember the other day, when we were at your house, and I got sick?”

 

“Yeah…”

 

“Well,” Rei paused, his cheeks going red as he remembered it, “I went to the doctor and they ran a bunch of tests, I had an MRI done on my head, and…”

 

Nagisa could feel his heart begin to race. He thought he knew what Rei was getting ready to say, and he braced himself for it. _Everything’s okay._ He told himself. _It’s not going to change anything. He’s still just Rei. He always will be._ “And…?”

 

“The reason I’ve been having so many headaches lately is because… I have been too stressed out.”

 

“What?”

 

“I’ve been entirely too stressed out lately, and that’s what was causing the migraines. And the dizziness was from a lack of sleep. And the eye pain was a mixture of both things. The vomiting… that was just some bad fish I had the night before.”

 

Nagisa sat there, staring at the taller boy, and let out a slow breath in disbelief. So what did that mean? Was he alright, then? Nothing to worry about? The blond replayed that in his head a couple of times, just to make sure he heard it right, and shut his eyes. This whole thing, all of the worry, all the panicked calls to Makoto while Rei was in the hospital, Nagisa’s own anxiety for what would happen to him…

 

It was all because of stress.

 

Just stress, nothing life threatening, just stress.

“So…you’re okay, then?”

 

“My pride has been wounded, but I’m very much still in remission.”

 

“What caused the stress?”

 

“Well, I talked to Makoto about it while staying in the hospital, and the only thing we could come up with that was different in my life was.. Me keeping all of this from you, and worrying you’d find out on your own, or you’d think differently of me after you knew.”

 

A somewhat hysterical laugh bubbled its way out of Nagisa’s mouth, and once he got started, he couldn’t stop. It was because of _him._ Rei went to the hospital because of him. His laughter got a bit more intense, and before too long, Nagisa was doubled over on the bench, laughing and eventually crying again over the absurdity over what the taller boy was saying.

 

When had his opinion begun to matter so much to Rei Ryugazaki?

 

But the most important thing to gain from it was that he was _okay._ That was, at the end of it all, the only thing that really mattered. Nagisa still had some things he wanted to say to the other boy, but that could come later.

 

For now, he had to tease him just a bit more for worrying so much about things that really, in the grand scheme of things, didn’t mean jack shit to him.

 

That, and, he wanted to try convincing him to swap out his fake eye for one that shot lasers from it so he could basically become one of the X-Men.

 

*******

 

Haru’s breath caught in his throat and he was rooted in spot as he saw it: the pool was twice as big as the one in middle school, and even the one at the rec center, and even from here, he could see the thick, black lines that marked the lanes. They looked so professional, it was nothing like anything he’d ever seen before.

 

But it still felt like coming home to an old friend. Dazedly, he took a few more steps forward, breathing in so deep that the chemicals burned in his throat, and ended up right at the edge of the pool. He watched the swimmers as they made their way back from the other side, longing to be down there with them, and felt himself smiling.

 

This was absolutely the greatest thing he’d ever seen in his life. And it was all thanks to Makoto.

 

One of the swimmers smacked the wall and a head surfaced, gasping for breath. Once he caught it, his goggles and swim cap came off, and Haru was face to face with a redhead, staring at him in confusion.

 

He heard footsteps behind him, but didn’t bother turning around. The swimmer’s face lit up, and he climbed out of the pool, grinning hugely at whoever was out of his line of sight. “Hey, babe!” He greeted happily, shaking a little bit of water off of his arms.

 

That was when Haru saw him. Cotton Candy Hair was making his way to the swimmer, and pulled him in for a hug, and then a kiss on the cheek. “Hi.”

 

It registered to him then what was going on, and a bit of the tenseness went out of his chest. He decided that maybe Kisumi wasn’t as bad as he originally thought. He turned just a little when he noticed Makoto beside him, watching the two closely for a moment, before a huge grin split his face, and he ran forward, embracing the swimmer in a hug of his own. “Asahi!” He yelled, pulling back. “It’s been way too long, man!”

 

“Wait…” the redhead said, standing arms length from the brunette, searching his face and trying to figure out who it was. “Makoto? Is that really you? Jesus, you’re basically a tree!”

 

The friends laughed, and shared another quick hug, before Makoto was by his side again, and gently nudging him forward. “This is my friend, Haru. He came with me to see the pool.”

 

“Nice to meet ya, Haru.” the redhead - Asahi - said, shooting him a quick wave.

 

He was about to say something in return, when Makoto cut in and turned to Kisumi, a bit of a pout on his face. “Why didn’t you tell me Asahi would be here? And why didn’t you tell me you two were dating!”

 

The pink-haired boy shrugged his shoulders, an embarrassed smile on his face, and chuckled. “It didn’t seem like it was that important.”

 

“What?!” Makoto shouted, which led to a fifteen minute lecture about what was, and wasn’t important information to share with your friends after not seeing them for five years. Haru stood back a little ways, a smile on his face as he listened to Makoto go on, and only got him to spare the other two from another half hour when he put a hand on his shoulder.

 

“I think they’ve got it.” He said, which got the tips of the other boy’s ears to turn pink again. Makoto uttered out a quick apology to his friends, and he and Haru went to sit by one of the windows while the boyfriends talked amongst themselves for a moment.

 

“So,” the brunette started, leaning his head back against the wall. “What do you think of those two?”

 

“They’re kinda weird.”

 

“Oh. I’m sorry if they--”

 

“I didn’t say it was a bad thing. They’re funny.”

 

A smile tugged at Makoto’s mouth, and he turned to face Haru with relief in his eyes. “I’m glad you think so. They used to be really good friends of mine back in middle school. Then Asahi’s dad got a different job, and they had to move. I never saw him again. Kisumi stayed to the end of middle school, and then I lost touch with him, too. I finally got back in contact with him a couple months ago.”

 

“And now we’re here.” Haru said.

 

“Now we’re here. I still can’t believe it.”

 

“This place is huge.”

 

“It is.” Makoto agreed, eyes sweeping over the building. Haru couldn’t help but note how good Makoto looked here, with the sunlight making his eyes that much lighter, and giving his face the illusion that it was _glowing._ He knew it was rude to stare, but he couldn’t pull himself away from the other boy long enough to care.

 

They stayed and talked to the others for the rest of the afternoon, Makoto catching up with his friends, and Haru getting to know everyone. Kisumi and Asahi were both a little on the weird side, but Haru had to admit he kind of enjoyed their company.

 

When it started getting dark, Kisumi drove them back to the hotel, and all agreed to be picked up at the same time the following day. The two met back up with Mrs. Nanase, and tossed around suggestions for something to eat until all deciding to see what the locals could suggest.

 

After dinner, they caught Haru’s mom up on their day, and what they planned on doing the following afternoon before Makoto started falling asleep and excused himself for the night. Haru went to get changed, and when he came back, the lights were off, and his mom was asleep in her bed.

 

Haru pulled back his blankets and settled in, not really feeling tired enough to sleep right yet, but wanting to relax some. He pulled his phone out, turning the brightness down as low as it would go, and replied to a couple texts from their friends, and pulled up his netflix account to look for documentaries. He found one, popped his headphones in, and set his phone down to play it while he waited for sleep to come.

 

****

“So, there you have it. That’s the whole story.”

 

Nagisa sat beside him on the bench with his head down, looking at the path under his feet. He kept quiet for a moment, not knowing what to say to Rei after the other boy’s admissions, and let a heavy silence fall between them. He was still attempting to get over the fact that Rei did _not_ , in fact, have a relapse, and that he was every bit as okay as he’d been a month ago. Everything was fine.

 

It still didn’t help him feel better, though.

 

“I understand if you’re angry. You have every right to be.” He heard the blue-haired boy saying. “I shouldn’t have kept you in the dark for so long. Or made you worry so much about the hospital trip. I’m… ‘Sorry’ doesn’t seem strong enough of a word.”

 

“It’s… alright.”

 

“I wouldn’t blame you if you walked away.”

 

“No, Rei, it’s not that. Yeah, you did a shitty thing, and that hurts. A lot. But it’s just that this is a lot to take in. I need a minute.” Nagisa took a breath, finally lifting his eyes to the other boy, and swallowed. “I forgive you. But I want to know… why were you so freaked that I’d look at you differently from the others?”

 

The color drained from the taller boy’s face and he looked down at Nagisa like a deer in the headlights. He opened his mouth, about to say something, and then closed it again, then repeated that a few more times before finally giving up. “I don’t _know,_ alright? You just… I sit here, and I think about telling you these things, and then I imagine you getting up and leaving, or getting mad because I _haven’t_ said anything, or our relationship changing because you feel like you have to pity me, and I panic because I don’t want any of that. I sit here, and I see you leaving, and I start shaking and my chest feels tight, and I don’t want you to go. I just…” Rei turned his head, swallowing a little before meeting Nagisa’s eyes with a terrified expression in his own, and inhaled. “I just want you to be _here_. With me. I just want you to be in my life.”

 

Nagisa wasn’t sure what happened next. One moment, he was sitting there next to Rei, his chest swelling with adoration for the other boy, and then the next, he was sitting in his lap, his fingers in his hair, kissing him. And Rei was kissing back.

 

When they pulled apart, Rei’s glasses were a little askew on his face, and Nagisa’s cheeks were scarlet, but they were both smiling and a little breathless from the experience. Rei’s hands were holding his hips in place, loosening his grip just a little now that there was no danger of Nagisa falling, and he cleared his throat in hopes of regaining some bit of composure.

 

Nagisa’s smile got a little wider and slid his fingers across Rei’s cheeks, holding them there for just a second while he leaned in for one more kiss, and then fixed the other boy’s glasses for him. “Don’t worry so much about that stuff, alright? I like you too much to ever consider walking away, Rei.”

 

“I - I can see that.”

 

A playful grin spread across the blond’s face, and he climbed off the taller boy, taking the seat beside him once again. “It seemed like you like me a little, too.”

 

“Well, I… Don’t _dislike_ you, if that’s what you mean.”

 

“You kissed me back.”

 

“Maybe I did.”

 

“You like me!” Nagisa cackled, feeling happier than he had in a good while. “You have a crush on me, Rei!”

 

“Nagisa, keep your voice down! Don’t announce it to the whole world.”

 

“Why not!” The blond laughed, getting to his feet. “My crush likes me back! That’s worthy of shouting out to the world. Oh, we need to tell Haru and Mako!”

 

Rei let out a small sigh as Nagisa pulled out his phone and started messaging the others about this new development, shaking his head as the smaller boy started laughing to himself as he texted. As he sat there, though, he began to wonder why he was so worried in the first place. Nagisa really _was_ different from Sera in a lot of ways, and it seemed the blond found new ways to prove that every day. For one, he was a lot more open, and excitable, and sometimes it seemed like his heart was so big, it would explode out of his chest. Not to mention, the fact that every day they spent together was always some kind of new adventure.

 

Maybe that’s why Rei had fallen for him so fast.

 

The one thing he couldn’t figure out, though, was how Nagisa had fallen for _him._ He knew he was boring at the best of times, and a little hot tempered, and… nerdy. All of which Nagisa wasn’t. What did the smaller boy _see_ in him that he didn’t see in himself?

 

He guessed he’d find out as time went on.

 

****

_Buzz buzz. Buzz buzz. Buzz buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz buzz._

 

Haru cracked his eyes open at three in the morning, sleepily looking around for his phone to see what in the hell was making such a noise. He pressed the button to wake it up and quickly read the two texts present on screen.

 

 _Aiichiro Nitori_ _  
_ _How did that happen?! Congrats?_

 

 _Momo Mikoshiba_ __  
_WHAAAAAAAAATTTT?!!???!!?!?_  
_Now it’s Haru and Mako’s turn ;D_

 

Curious, Haru unlocked his phone and scrolled back to the last text he sent to their group and started to scroll through the messages. Makoto had sneaked a picture of him earlier in the day, looking at the pool, and sent it, and Ai had said a couple things, but it had mostly been quiet up until about an hour ago.

 

Nagisa had sent a picture of himself and Rei… wait, what? Haru tapped the picture, and sure enough, the two were sitting on a park bench, in the early afternoon sun, sharing a kiss.

 

Holy. Shit.

 

 _Nagisa Hazuki_ _  
_ _It’s official!_

 

Under the text was a congratulations from both Ai and Momo, followed by questions on how the hell _that_ happened, with an explanation from both Rei and Nagisa. There were a couple more congratulatory messages, and one from Momo lamenting that now he needed Nagisa’s help to help Gou see that he wasn’t a terrible catch.

 

It didn’t look like Nagisa saw that message.

 

**You couldn’t have waited until we got back so we could celebrate with you?**

 

Haru sent, shaking his head with a bit of a smile.

 

 _Nagisa Hazuki_ __  
_HARU! Isn’t it really late over there? Why are you up?_  
_But thanks ;D Rei’s blushing!_

 

 _Aiichiro Nitori_ _  
_ _Seconded, but hi, Haru. How’s AUS so far?_

 

 _Momo Mikoshiba_ _  
_ _HARUUUUUU MY DUUUUUDE!_

 

Haru rolled his eyes, knowing he should try to get back to sleep and not keep texting the guys and accidentally wake Makoto up, but he did, in a weird way, miss them, and wanted to chat a little.

 

**Australia’s fine. We met some of Makoto’s friends today. The pool’s nice, we’re going back tomorrow. How’re things back home?**

 

 _Momo Mikoshiba_ _  
_ _Haru have you seen any kangaroos yet??? Don’t forget to bring one back!_

 

 _Aiichiro Nitori_ _  
_ _It’s fine. Group’s boring without you guys, though. Momo got us lost yesterday :(_

 

 _Momo Mikoshiba_ _  
_ _IT WAS AN ACCIDENT AI AI!!!!!!!!!_

 

 _Aiichiro Nitori_ _  
_ _Please don’t call me that._

 

 _Nagisa Hazuki_ _  
_ _#LONGLIVEAIAI!_

 

 _Aiichiro Nitori_ __  
_Guys, please :(_  
  
Haru stiffed a laugh, checking to see if his mother had woken up or not, and let out a tiny snort. Yeah, he missed them. A lot. The guys chatted for a little while longer, and Nagisa even got Rei to join in for a few minutes. Apparently they were still at the park, talking between texts, and about to go and see if anybody was on the playground equipment. Haru guessed that was a suggestion from Nagisa.

 

Around 4, Haru felt his eyes start to droop a little and decided to try going back to bed for a little while. He said goodnight to the guys, popped his headphones back in, and restarted the documentary he’d been watching before falling asleep the first time. He wasn’t sure how long he laid there, but he finally did end up drifting off once again.

 

~~~

 

“Haru. Hey, Haru. Kisumi’s here.”

 

Haru opened one eye, and was greeted with one of the most beautiful sights he’d seen in a long time. Makoto stood beside him, hair a mess from sleep, green eyes friendly, but still tired, and a smile that could have cured his cancer if he wasn’t already in remission.

 

He sat up, pulling the covers off of himself, said a quick good morning to Makoto, his mother, and Kisumi, who was talking to both of them from the desk chair in the room, and hurried over to grab some things out of his dufflebag. When he had what he needed, he went into the bathroom to change, and get ready for the day. The boys said a quick goodbye to Mrs. Nanase, and then they were off.

 

“You know,” Kisumi started, turning down the radio, “Asahi had a thought yesterday after you guys left.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“Since half the team’s gone, and it’s technically off season for us right now, there’s nothing stopping you guys from taking a dip if you want.”

 

Haru’s eyes turned to the two in the front, listening attentively to whatever they had to say next.

 

“Won’t we get in trouble for that, though? We’re not on the team.”

 

The pink haired boy shot him a grin, his eyes flickering back to Haru for a brief second, and chuckled. “Not if we break in after dark. They won’t even have to know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE! REI'S OKAY AND NOT GOING TO DIE! 
> 
> I'm so sorry i had to leave everyone in suspense for so long about his fate, and that it's taken so long to get this chapter out. My friend came to visit, and we had a really, really good time, but like three days after they left, my laptop decided it was time for a permadeath, and I spent the last two and a half weeks of October, and half the first of November without a working laptop. And I decided that this one was getting too long, so chapter 10 is actually going to be split into two, and the latter half of this one will now be chapter 11, so some good happened here, but this isn't the OH MY GOD UROGBSEJSKL;OEJHGWALHKWA that i've been dying to write. That will come next time. I'm sorry. 
> 
> But I hope this has been worth the wait, and HEY! YOU GOT CANON REIGISA! THAT HAS TO COUNT FOR SOMETHING, RIGHT?! AND I PROMISE REI ISN'T ACTUALLY GOING TO END UP DYING, HE'S 100% OKAY, NO LAST MINUTE DEATH THAT'S NOT CANCER RELATED. REI IS /FINE/. 
> 
> As always, huge shout-out to my beta, Christy, for always being so encouraging and willing to read through my thousands of words of crap, and for giving me the peptalk of the century. You are a fucking beast when it comes to your job, and I love the fuck out of you. Also a shout-out goes to Ellie, who, as always, is a fucking treasure when it comes to this fic. And another one goes to my friend Wardah, for being so patient while I get my shit together and work on these chapters. You're a fucking gem, honey. This fic wouldn't be what it is without you there cheering for it. 
> 
> And one more shout out to the rest of you guys! Thank you so much for being patient, and still showing this story love, even though it's been going on unexpected hiatus after unexpected hiatus. I appreciate every single one of you guys who has been waiting, and your support means so much to me as an author. Each and every one of you fucking rock my socks off!!!!


	11. The Pool

“We - We can’t do that, it’s illegal!” Makoto said, sounding panicked.

 

The pink-haired boy shrugged. “Why not? As long as you’re with us, you can’t  _ really _ get in trouble. The guys do late night practices all the time.” 

 

“But-” 

 

“Let’s hear him out.” Haru said, scooting to the middle of the bench seat. 

 

Kisumi chuckled, smirking at his friend. “You haven’t changed at all, Tachibana. It’s kinda nice.” He fell silent for a moment or two, putting a plan together in his head, and allowed the others to bicker a little back and forth about the legality of all of this. Haru, it seemed, was on his side already, but Makoto… Well, maybe Haru would get him to come around eventually. 

 

“Haru, I don’t want to go to jail on my first trip out of the country!” 

 

“You won’t go to jail.” 

 

“This is  _ illegal,  _ we’re not on the team! We don’t have access or permission to use the pool!” 

 

“We have Kisumi.” 

 

“KISUMI ISN’T ON THE TEAM, HARU!” 

 

“He’s close enough.” 

 

“No he’s not!” 

 

“Alright, enough, you two.” The pink haired boy cut in. “What we’re gonna do, is tomorrow night after everyone leaves, we’re gonna hang around. As long as Asahi is still here, you’ll be fine. If you guys want to make use of the pool for awhile, there’s a gym downstairs, we can hang out there ‘til you’re ready to go. It won’t be any problem.” 

 

“That’s too much trouble to ask of--” 

 

“He offered.” Haru interjected. 

 

“That’s right,” Kisumi said, “I did. It’s really not a big deal, Makoto. Asahi owes me a date anyways, and since we’re both broke…. I think this is a good compromise.” 

 

Makoto considered this for a moment, and when he couldn’t come up with an argument, he finally sighed and turned to look at the boy in the backseat. “Are you really okay with this?” 

 

“Yes.” Haru answered confidently. 

 

“Alright, then, fine.” 

 

Haru could have kissed him.

 

~~~

 

There were more people at the pool that day than the one previous. Haru noted that there was more than one coach that afternoon, and twice as many swimmers in the lanes. It looked like they were practicing for a relay. 

 

Haru's mind went back to being a kid and swimming with Rin on their middle school team, and felt an ache deep in his heart. 

 

He tried not to notice that part of him longed to swim with the other boy again. 

 

Asahi popped his head up out of the water, mouth open and gasping for breath as he leaned against the side of the pool, taking a moment to rest before climbing out so his other teammates could finish the race. He slid his swim cap off and grinned when he noticed the three of them standing by the door, quickly telling his coach he’d be back before running over to them. 

 

“Hey, guys!” he greeted. “Glad to see you didn’t get sick of us yesterday.” 

 

“No, we’d nev--” 

 

“I’m kidding, Makoto.” He grinned, clapping his friend on the shoulder. 

 

“We actually wanted to ask you something,” Kisumi started, his voice low. “Think you could hang around a little later tomorrow night so these two can actually use the pool a little bit?” 

 

“You guys wanna be a little rebellious, eh?” 

 

Haru could see it on Makoto’s face that he was about to say something to put the plan in jeopardy, and put a gentle hand on his friend’s arm to stop him. “Not really ‘rebelliousness’, but if it’s alright, we’d like to see things for ourselves.” 

 

Asahi shot a look between the two friends and gave Haru a wink. “Noted. But no, that’s no problem. You guys came here to  _ see  _ the pool anyways, right? We’ll be glad to help.” 

  
  


After that, Asahi brought everyone over to meet the bit of his team that was there, the coaches, and gave them a little bit of a tour around the facility until he was called back for another practice race. 

 

Kisumi took them off to the side of the pool and pulled up a few chairs so Makoto could get off his leg, and Haru didn’t end up falling over, while they watched. He filled them in on some of the teammates Asahi was competing with, though Haru didn’t hear much else after that. 

 

He was absorbed in what was happening in the water. As the swimmers took their marks, ready to jump in and start the first heat, he was drawn back to being young, once again, the rough pad under his feet, breathing in to calm his nerves as he waited for the buzzer to go off. He could feel the water slicing across his skin as he dove under, kicking with all his might to get ahead of the others. The first breath when he surfaced, feeling at one with the water as he swam, that freeing feeling of being in the pool…. 

 

Finally, he came back to himself when he heard his friends cheering beside him. Haru blinked, trying to get his bearings together, and realized that he’d missed the entire race. He clapped along with them, unsure of what was going on, and only when Kisumi blew a huge kiss to one swimmer in particular, did he realize that Asahi must have done something good. 

 

According to Kisumi, that was the last race his boyfriend would be competing in for the day. There wasn’t much else for them to do there, but they all decided to just stick around for a bit. 

Asahi wanted to continue his tour of the building, but had to keep stopping as Haru and Makoto took everything in. 

  
  


At the last minute, Asahi decided to take them down to a small rest area connected to the gym that was big enough that they could sit comfortably and talk. Haru took a spot on a bench, Makoto taking the spot beside him, an the two both let out a sigh of relief. The brunette rubbed at his leg, wincing a little as he adjusted the prosthetic, and Haru couldn’t help but worry a little bit. They’d been up on their feet a lot the last couple days without a lot of time to rest. He knew how bad his leg had been swelling back home, just from the little bit of time they had to walk, and he couldn’t imagine how bad it had to be now. 

 

“Everything alright?” Kisumi asked, eyeing the brunette worriedly. 

 

“Yeah,” Makoto replied. “But, that reminds me, there’s something I wanted to tell you about.” He painfully got to his feet, gesturing for Kisumi to follow him, and the two left the rest area and went deep into the gym. Haru’s eyes followed Makoto, and he could only wonder what was being said that he couldn’t hear himself. 

 

“He’s a lot of fun to fluster, isn’t he?” Asahi said, eyes following the others. “Mako, I mean.” 

 

“He kinda is, yeah.” 

 

“Believe it or not, he’s worse now than when we were younger. I didn’t know it was possible for someone to be so… soft.” he chuckled, affection in his eyes for his friend. “It’s been… really good to see him again, you know? And to see him so happy with someone just makes it even better.” 

 

“What do you mean?” Haru asked, genuinely curious. 

 

Asahi shot him a look as though that should have been obvious, and said, “You don’t see the way he looks at you, do you? It’s like… It’s like he’s looking directly into the sun, but it’s not burning him. Like he’s looking at the brightest thing in the world, and it’s the greatest shit he’s ever seen. I know what that look is, because it’s the same way I look at Kisumi.” 

 

Oh. Haru turned his attention to the swimmer, a bit of realization dawning on him and making his heart feel lighter than air. If that was true, then that meant that Makoto returned his feelings. Could that actually be possible? 

 

“And don’t think I don’t see you looking at him the same way.” Asahi added, giving him another look. “Anybody who spends five minutes around you two could see it.” 

 

Haru’s eyes drifted back to the other two. Whatever Makoto was saying, it didn’t seem like Kisumi was on board with it. Haru noted the look of shock on the pink haired boy’s face, which was quickly followed up with a frown that was so deep, Haru was sure it would end up carving two permanent lines in his face if he wasn’t careful. Makoto was saying something else, but he wasn’t sure if Kisumi was even hearing him or not. He seemed, dazed, almost, if Haru was being honest.

 

“Earth to Haru? Hello?” Asahi snapped his fingers in front of his face, and Haru returned his attention to him. 

 

“Sorry, what were you saying?” 

 

“I asked if you’d told him how you felt or not.”

 

“No.” Haru admitted. “And I’m not sure I will.” 

 

“Haru, listen. I’ve known Makoto for a really long time. Granted, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen him - I actually had no idea he’d been sick up until about three months ago -, but I  _ know  _ him. If you really like him, you need to tell him; he’ll make you really happy. I know he will. You guys are really cute together.” 

 

Haru replied with a nod, not knowing what else to even say to that. Of course, he wanted to tell Makoto how he felt, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that it would end badly. Makoto had been in remission for so long, and could still go on living a semi-normal life. He could still be active, and get out and do things without needing to stop and rest every few minutes. He had a long life ahead of him. 

 

Haru was running on borrowed time. 

 

There was no way that it would end well for either of them. All he’d do in the end would slow Makoto down way too much.

 

After another moment, the others came back, both looking a little more somber than they had before, but Makoto, if nothing else, looked a little less tense than before. Kisumi shot his boyfriend a quick, clipped smile, and scooted up as close to him on their own bench as he could get. 

 

“Everything alright?” Haru asked, eyes glancing between the two friends. 

 

“Yeah! Everything’s good. Just discussing some travel plans for later on.” 

 

Haru couldn’t help but think that, based off the expression on the pink-haired boy’s face, that whatever those plans were, they didn’t go over very well. 

 

 

********

They’d stayed at the park until the sun started setting, and then Rei walked him back home. Nagisa hesitated on going back inside once they got there because he didn’t want to leave Rei just yet. Not now that they’d finally cleared the air between them.

Now that it felt like they could actually, safely, go to this next step without a wall of secrets between them. 

After a few awkward attempts at conversation though, he finally knew it was time to head in, and so he leaned up on his tiptoes, kissed Rei goodbye on the cheek, and promised he’d text him later on. Rei stood on the front porch for a moment longer, still stunned, before finally backing off and walking away. 

Nagisa stood by the door, watching the other boy until he was out of sight, with a smile on his face. The day had gone better than he ever could have imagined, if he were being honest. He’d gotten all the answers he wanted, and even managed to find the courage to  _ kiss  _ his crush. 

Better yet, Rei kissed him  _ back.  _

He felt like floating as he made his way up the stairs to his room, his mind completely focused on the blue-haired boy and the feel of his lips against his own, how hard the other boy’s fingers pressed into his skin to keep him in place, his mouth searching for just a half a second more contact when they finally broke apart, and the happy, dazed look on Rei’s face when he could see it. 

Everything about the moment had gone better than he would have ever expected. 

  
  


Nagisa stayed up in his room, sprawled across his bed and texting the guys, until he was finally called down for dinner. It seemed like Haru was having a good time, despite being exhausted from the time difference. According to him, they’d met up with a few old friends of Makoto’s, and Haru explained through a private message that he didn’t care for one of them at first. Now, though, he seemed to be warming up to him a little bit. From the pictures he sent them, the pool looked really nice, and the city itself seemed huge. 

Nagisa hoped he’d be able to see it all for himself someday - maybe he’d be able to convince Rei they needed to go on a trip like that themselves! 

Eventually, Haru explained that he needed to go back to sleep, and they all said goodnight to him. Afterwards, he switched to private messages between Momo and Aiichiro, both of whom congratulated he and Rei once again before lapsing into their own tales from the day. Momo, it seemed, was being teased about not being able to land a girlfriend by his older brother and sister, and would he please, please,  _ please  _ help him talk to Gou? Nagisa promised he would try putting in a good word, but ultimately, it was up to her what to do with it. 

Aiichiro was much calmer, just informing him that he was going for his next chemo treatment the following day. He explained that he was nervous, as he often was, and was afraid of getting sick in the room again (he’d thrown up two of the three times he’d gone in, and a nurse had to clean up after him, since he wasn’t allowed to move from his chair). It was four hours of hell for him, being stuck there by himself, in a room full of strangers, even though they were all there for the same reason. 

Nagisa made a note to see if Rei would like to go up and visit him for a little while. Ai always seemed to do a little better with friends around. 

~~~

The chemo center was small, quiet, and everything that Nagisa hated. He and Rei sat on one of the couches out in the lobby, not able to go visit Aiichiro right yet. The nurse had said he was taking a nap, which he desperately needed, but they’d let him know they were there when he woke up. 

Which meant, for the time being, the boys were left to their own devices. Rei had brought a book with him and was at the opposite end from Nagisa, flipping pages at a speed Nagisa had to wonder if he was even  _ reading  _ or not, and the blond was sprawled out at the other end, phone in hand, and quietly cussing out the bad wifi. 

He’d been waiting for his social media to load forever now, and he was beginning to get irritated at how long it was taking. All he wanted was to look at memes and annoy his boyfriend with them, dammit! He was just about to say something to Rei about being bored when his phone went off. 

_ Momoooooo  _ _   
_ _ Where is everyoooooneeee? I’m bored :( _

_ Nagisa _

_ Rei and me came to visit AiAi while he gets his chemo, but he’s asleep.  _

_ Momoooooo  _ _   
_ _ AI WAKE UP!!!!!!!!! _

_ Nagisa  _ _   
_ _ AIAI WE’RE WAITING FOR YOU! _

Just then, Rei jumped up, whipping his phone out of his back pocket and glaring at it. Nagisa couldn’t help but laugh at him, knowing he must have just gotten the notifications from the group chat. The blue-haired boy shot him a glare, unlocked the device, and began reading through what he’d missed. 

_ Nagisa  _ _   
_ _ LOLOLOLOLOL MOMO REI JUST JUMPED STRAIGHT UP BECAUSE HE GOT ALL THE TEXTS AT ONCE  _

_ Momoooooo  _ _   
_ _ LOLOL classic rei. You need to get a newer phone so it doesn’t do that.  _

_ Reibae _ _   
_ _ My phone is just fine, thank you very much. You two just need to learn not to spam the thread. Besides, three of the six of us are sleeping right now, and probably are getting all of the notifications as well. Don’t you think you should be a little courteous to them?  _

_ Momoooooo  _ _   
_ _ Nah they just need to wake up and check the chat! :)  _

Rei looked up from his phone and shot Nagisa a look. “We really shouldn’t be messaging right now when Aiichiro is trying to rest. Take it from me, the more sleep he can get right now, the better off he is.” 

“I know, it’s just boring here.” Nagisa replied, folding his arms across his chest. “There’s nothing for me to do with you reading.” 

The blue-haired boy glanced down at the book in his lap, back to Nagisa, and then down again, before sighing and getting to his feet. “I suppose it won’t kill me to just read when I get home.” He said, shooting the blond a smile. “How about we see if we can find something to snack on?” 

Nagisa’s eyes lit up and he jumped to his feet, barely giving Rei a chance to react before he took the taller boy’s hand, leading him off in a random direction in hopes of finding food. Much to his surprise, Rei didn’t protest to the sudden hand holding, and actually squeezed a little tighter as he attempted to match pace with Nagisa. 

  
  


When they eventually found their way back, Nagisa’s pockets stuffed full with various candy bars and packs of chips, there was a nurse just coming out of the door leading to the chemo room. “Oh, you’re still here! Mr. Nitori is awake if you want to come see him?” 

The boys followed her back, and once Aiichiro realized they were there, a smile tugged hard against his lips, and he sat up a little in his seat. “They told me you guys were here!” he said happily. “Thanks for coming to see me. It gets kinda lonely here by myself all day. How are you guys? I saw the chat.” 

“Slow down, Ai-Ai!” Nagisa said, pulling up a chair close to him. “You want something to eat?” 

“No, I shouldn’t eat while I’m hooked up. It makes me feel really sick.” 

Nagisa shrugged, unwrapping one of the candy bars and taking a huge bite. “Suit yourself.” 

Rei, looking appalled at his boyfriend, pulled up another chair, and shook his head. “We’re doing fine, but the real question is, how are  _ you  _ feeling, Aiichiro?” 

The gray-haired boy thought for a moment, not knowing how to answer his friend right away. “I’m… alright, considering. I mean, the chemo makes me really tired, and I don’t have the best appetite anymore and that doesn’t really help, but I guess I’m okay. It’s a little easier this time since I know what to expect. And I’m managing to keep some of my hair!” 

And it was true, Rei thought, it was a hell of a lot thinner than it had been a few months ago, but so far, Ai had managed to keep some of his hair. It also looked like a tiny bit of his color was returning to his face, which was an encouraging sign. “And your attitude as well.” 

“I’m trying.” Ai admitted, a modest smile on his face. “It helps when you have good friends.” 

“Speaking of friends,” Nagisa piped up, mouth still full of chocolate, “What do you think Haru and Mako are doing right now?” 

“Nagisa!”

“Hopefully not finding a kangaroo.” Ai joked, shooting Rei a grin. “I’d bet they’re sleeping right now, but I’m sure when they wake up, they’ll be right back to that pool. Haru seems to be enjoying it a lot.” 

“He does.” Rei said. “I hope he and Makoto are having a good time together.” 

“Do you think they’ll hook up?” 

“Nagisa!” Rei and Aiichiro chorused, cheeks pink. 

“That’s not appropriate! Whatever they do, it’s between them, and not our business.” Rei chided, still flustered. 

“You didn’t seem too upset when I told everyone about  _ us!”  _

“That’s  _ different!”  _

“How?!” 

“Guys, it’s okay!” Aiichiro cut in, trying to stop the arguing. That was one thing he had to admit was incredible about Rei and Nagisa: Absolutely nothing in their relationship had changed after finally admitting their feelings. He had assumed, incorrectly, that their bickering would stop a little once they finally became a couple, but it didn’t seem to have any effect. They still argued like an old married couple, and Ai resigned himself to believing that they would always do that, no matter what. 

  
  


The boys stayed with him for close to another full hour, before Nagisa got a text that his mom was on the way to get them. The two said their goodbyes to their friend, and Ai thanked them again for coming to visit him for so long. Rei and Nagisa took their leave, the blond carefully slipping his hand into the other boy’s as they made their way through the building, and only let go when he spotted his mother’s car out front.

 

**** 

Makoto and Kisumi spent the entire rest of the day as though nothing had been said between them. After a few moments of talking, Makoto lost whatever stress he was feeling and hopped right back into being that happy, joyful man that Haru had fallen so hard for. Kisumi, on the other hand, spent the rest of the day half zoned out, his eyes fixed on something in the middle distance, only being brought back when Asahi would touch him.

Haru wanted to know what had been said to him to get that kind of reaction. 

He longed to ask Makoto about it and find out what was going on, but he knew it wasn’t his business to know. Whatever was said was between Makoto and Kisumi, and it would have been rude for him to butt in about it. Instead, he sat back, waiting in hopes that the brunette would tell him about it once they were alone.

He never did. 

Kisumi dropped them off around dinnertime, and hung back with Makoto for a moment after Haru had gotten out of the car. He couldn’t see very well from where he was, but it looked like, just for a moment, that grim expression was out in full force on the faces of both boys. 

In the back of his mind, Haru wondered if it was about him, if that’s why they were being so secretive about whatever it was. As far as he knew, there was nothing so wrong with him that it should have warranted this, unless…

Maybe his first impression of Kisumi had been a bit more transparent than he’d originally thought. 

Maybe that was it. 

Before he could think too much more on it, however, Makoto was out of the car, taking one more second before that smile was back on his face, his green eyes shining in the fading light, and Haru couldn’t help but return it. 

The boys headed inside, Haru texting his mom to let her know they were back, and waited for her in the lobby. The three discussed what to grab for a bite to eat, and finally decided on a little fish place down by the harbor. 

Haru was allowed the seat closest to the water, of which he was grateful. The water splashed up around the bottom of the deck where their table was, and once or twice, his foot was actually splashed when a boat went by and created a big enough wave. The smell and taste of saltwater and the cries of seagulls filled his senses, and he couldn’t have been happier about it. Throughout their meal, Haru found his gaze drawn away from Makoto for once, and was fixed upon the water in front of him. He could hear the sound of a phone camera clicking beside him, but couldn’t bring himself to care much at the moment. 

  
  


All too soon, they were paying the bill and heading back to the hotel. The brunette hung out in their room for a little while, happily camped out on Haru’s bed, right beside him, and talked until he started falling asleep on the smaller boy’s shoulder. With an embarrassed apology, Makoto got to his feet and said his goodnights before heading to his own room and shutting the door. 

Haru checked his messages, quickly catching up on what they’d missed from their friends back home, then went to change into his own pajamas and settle in for the night. 

~~~~

Haru opened his eyes the next morning to find the room still dark. He shifted slightly in his bed so he could see the window, and didn’t notice any sunlight slipping in through the cracks. His mother was still sleeping on the other bed next to him, and he didn’t hear anything coming from Makoto’s room. Still early, then. Maybe even still the middle of the night. Carefully, he grabbed his phone, squinting against the harsh light of the screen as he unlocked it, and immediately turned the brightness all the way down. 

When he wasn’t in danger of being blinded, he read the time. 4:00 am It would at least be another couple hours before his mother woke up, and he had no clue what time Makoto would rouse from the other room… The only option was for him to try going back to sleep. 

Haru shut his eyes and lay there for a little while, but his mind was already going too fast for him to even consider it. He wanted to get the day started, to go to the pool and hang out until it was time for he and the brunette to hang out by themselves. He wanted, if nothing else, to spend the night beside the pool with Makoto. 

Eventually, Haru gave up on trying to sleep and instead surfed around on his phone for awhile, sending a quick message to the group in hopes of someone replying to him, but everything was oddly quiet. 

At 5:00, he decided to just go ahead and get ready, and, with the flashlight on his phone, pulled out one of the nicest outfits he brought with him, and went to change. He was in the process of trying to fix his hair when his phone chirped. 

_ Makoto _ _   
_ _ Haru, what are you doing up already?  _

**Couldn’t sleep.** He sent back. 

A few moments went by, Haru standing over the sink in the bathroom and waiting to see if the brunette would say anything else, and finally, 

_ Makoto  _ _   
_ _ Wanna go for a walk?  _

Did he? Yes. Was he sure his mother would kill him if he took off in a strange country alone this early in the morning, or that he would most likely be completely exhausted by the time they got back, and end up needing a nap midday? Also yes. 

Did he care about any of it, because Makoto wanted to spend the morning with him? Absolutely not.

Haru sent a quick reply, wrote a note for his mom about what was going on, and padded quickly into the hallway with his oxygen tank held in his arms so he didn’t make any noise. Makoto slipped out his own door a moment later, and shot him an embarrassed little smile. “Morning.” 

“Morning.” 

The two stood there, facing each other for a moment, both of them feeling a little awkward to be standing in a hallway in Sydney at 5:05 in the morning and not knowing what they were even doing. 

Eventually, Makoto lead the way down to the elevator, and both boys got in, leaning back against opposite walls and watching the numbers go down as they descended towards the lobby. Finally, the doors opened, and they stepped out, taking a minute to look around at how dead the hotel was so early in the morning, before finally stepping out into the purple dawn. 

“Where to?” Haru asked, rolling his tank beside him a little while he waited. 

“Um… How about we go down to the pier for a little bit?” Makoto suggested, already knowing the answer. Haru began heading in that direction, not needing any further prodding, and the two walked in silence almost all the way down. 

By the time they found a bench, Haru was out of breath, and Makoto’s knee was beginning to throb in pain. He winced as he adjusted it in front of him, rubbing at the sore joint, and wincing when he touched something particularly painful. 

“How is it?” Haru asked, not taking his eyes off the water. 

“It’s getting worse.” Makoto replied, finally pulling his hand away from his leg. “I’m not use to being up on it so much anymore. It’s taking some getting used to.” 

“We - we don’t have to go to the pool today.” 

“No!” Makoto said, a bit louder than expected, “No, it’s not that. It was like this before, too. Don’t worry so much.” 

Haru replied with a nod and leaned back against the pressed wood of the bench, closing his eyes and listening to the sounds of the waves crashing and the birds already calling up above him. “I could stay here forever.” 

“Yeah, me too.” 

“Then we should.” 

“If it meant I got to stay with you, I would. In a heartbeat.” 

That caught Haru completely off guard. He turned to look at the other boy, eyes wide and a bit of surprise dancing in them, but Makoto just smiled that sweet smile that made his breath catch in his throat. “Makoto--” 

“Haru, look!” The taller boy pointed off to the east, where the sky was fading from purple, to lavender, and finally pink where the sun was beginning to rise. For a moment, his question was forgotten, and the two watched the sunrise together on the pier, sitting in contented silence as it slowly washed their world in soft color. 

When the water behind them and the sky above them were both different shades of pink and purple, Haru got to his feet, insisting that Makoto get up with him, and made him stand in front of the railing on the pier. “Stand here for a minute.” He said, fishing his phone out of his pocket. When Makoto realized what he was doing, he leaned back against the rails and shot Haru his best smile, waiting until he heard the flash of the camera before hurrying over to him and asking to see the phone for just a second. He guided the dark-haired boy over to the railing with him, opened the camera, and flipped it to the front. Makoto held his arm out as far as it could reach, and snapped a photo of both of them, standing there with the beautiful world behind them. 

  
  


They finally headed back to the hotel after another half an hour, and met Mrs. Nanase in the lobby for breakfast. 

Kisumi wasn’t scheduled to come get them until later in the afternoon, so the boys headed back up to the rooms to squeeze in a quick nap beforehand. It took awhile for Haru to finally drift off again. He kept going back to what Makoto said to him and what it possibly could have meant. 

Maybe… Maybe Haru had a chance with him after all. 

  
  


Kisumi showed up sometime after lunch, a ketchup stain on his shirt and a grease-stained fast food bag tossed in the floor behind his seat, and the three took off. “You guys getting excited yet?” He asked, glancing at Haru through the rear-view mirror. “You’re getting the chance to be rebels.” 

Haru heard Makoto groan in the passenger seat, and the taller boy’s head disappeared from the headrest. He couldn’t help but smile a little at his apprehension, but he hoped Kisumi wouldn’t think enough of it to cancel the whole thing. He knew Makoto had reservations about doing this, but he knew if they could just get him to go along with it, it would be fine in the end. 

Much to their luck, not many people were there that afternoon. Those that were seemed to be comfortable enough to just be joking around and racing each other for fun rather than competition. They spotted Asahi very quickly, in the lane farthest from the door, just managing to lap the rest of the racers. 

Kisumi immediately broke away from them, hurrying to the side of the pool and shouting encouragements at his boyfriend. Haru and Makoto headed over at their own pace, the brunette shouting along with Kisumi, and Haru having to resist the urge to jump in the water right then and there. 

He couldn’t wait until everyone left for the day. 

He, Makoto, and Kisumi sat down a little ways away from the pool, and Haru watched the swimmers while the other two talked about the pink-haired boy’s basketball team and how it was going. 

Asahi found his way over after a couple more laps and plopped down next to Kisumi, a cocky grin on his face. “Those guys didn’t stand a chance against me out there!” 

“Really?” His boyfriend started. “Because it seemed to me like you were lagging behind a bit.” 

“I was out ahead of them!” 

“Whatever helps you sleep tonight.” 

Haru and Makoto shot each other an amused look, but neither of them said anything. 

Asahi went to change after he was finished up for the day, and motioned for the three of them to follow him when he came back. He told his coach he was going to stick around for awhile after everyone left, to show his friends around a little bit, and promised to lock up when they were finished. While they waited for the pool to clear out, they went back to the same area they hung out in the day before and talked. 

A few times, Asahi ventured up to see if anybody had left just yet, and each time he came back with a frown. It seemed like some of the guys were standing around talking, and didn’t look like they were going anywhere for awhile. 

A lull fell in conversation and was only broken up by the sound of Asahi’s stomach alerting them all that he was hungry. Chuckling, Kisumi got to his feet and volunteered Makoto to come with him to get food, which left Haru alone with Asahi. The two spoke a little while they waited for the others, but there was something… off about the redhead today. He was quieter than usual without Kisumi around, like he was lost in his own head. Haru didn’t know what was going on, and he didn’t think it was his place to ask about it, so he didn’t push anything. He spoke when Asahi asked him things, and in turn he asked a couple things about the other, but that was all. 

The others returned a little while later, each carrying two take-out boxes in their hands, and plopped down next to their friends. Thankfully, Makoto was feeling especially chatty, and filled the gaps in conversation with old stories from being a kid, or telling Asahi and Kisumi about their friends back home. 

The way Makoto spoke of their friends made him long to be back there with them. He was grateful for them keeping him updated on how they were, but he actually kind of missed Rei and Nagisa’s bickering, and Momo always asking about Gou and bugging everyone to help him talk to her, and poor Aiichiro… He missed the quiet calm of the gray-haired boy a lot. 

After food was out of the way, Asahi went up one more time to see what was going on, and came back proud to announce that the pool was empty. Makoto shot Haru a quick look that the dark-haired boy returned with a smile, and they followed Asahi out of the gym area. 

The first thing Haru noticed was how big the pool looked with nobody in or around it. It spanned a good portion of the floor, and almost went wall to wall. The fading light outside had painted nearly the whole inside of the building different shades of orange and red, making the whole thing look as though it was red hot. The smell of chlorine hit him strong in the nose, and Haru took a breath, letting it fill his lungs. 

Behind him, Makoto was saying something to Asahi, but he had no idea what. He heard footsteps coming up beside him, and then the brunette was there, and the boys stood in front of the pool for a moment or two, just looking at the still, clear water. 

Makoto went a little ahead of him and sat down at the edge, slipping off his socks and shoes and rolling his pant leg up so he could let his foot dangle in the water. “It’s a bit cooler than you’d think.” He said. 

Haru came up beside him, parking his oxygen tank a little ways behind him in hopes it wouldn’t roll into the pool, and followed suit. He stuck his feet in, his eyes closing at how nice it felt to actually be able to do this again after so long. “It feels good, though.” 

“Yeah, it does.” 

The boys sat in silence for a few moments, the only sound being the water moving around their legs as they moved them back and forth. 

“Haru, I - I wanted to talk to you about something. I actually wanted to wait until we got home to do it, but I was talking to Kisumi yesterday, and.. It’s probably better to just… say it.” He cleared his throat, but didn’t speak up right away. Makoto stalled for another moment or so before his nerves got the better of him and he began to ramble. “When I saw you in group that first day, I didn’t at all know what to make of you. There was… something about you that I couldn’t help but be drawn into. And then you started talking, and said you used to swim, and I knew I wanted to talk to you if I could. I remember seeing you there, standing by the door to the pool, and I kept thinking ‘This is your chance. Talk to him.’ I was so nervous, and I didn’t know what to say, but… I’m glad I did.” 

He paused there and turned to him, a gentle, loving smile on his face, and swallowed. Haru thought he had an idea where this was going, and he could feel his heart begin to pound against his ribs. He wanted to stop the other boy right there and kiss him senseless, but he wanted to hear what else he had to say, first. 

“What I didn’t expect, was to end up feeling like I did. Here’s this guy, this awesome, creative guy, who is going through the same thing I am, who had to give up swimming, who’s absolutely perfect, and he wants to hang out with  _ me.  _ It was… awesome. And I never wanted that to stop. Ever. And the more we got to hang out, the worse it got. And before I knew it, I wanted to see you as much as possible. That’s when I realized I might have liked you a bit more than I originally thought.” 

He paused again, the tips of his ears pink, but cast his eyes down to the water instead of looking at Haru. He couldn’t bring himself to right yet, just in case. The good thing, was, Haru hadn’t said anything or gotten up in a rush, so he was at least, if nothing else, willing to hear him out. “That’s when everyone started getting ready for your birthday, and I wanted to do something special, and with a lot of luck, I got in contact with a guy down here, we started talking, and before I knew it, a trip was planned. All that was left was to ask you to come with me. And, Haru… this trip has been great so far. I’ve never felt this happy in my life, as I am when I’m with you. I can only imagine this is what being in love with someone is like.” 

Makoto finally turned to Haru again, and was met with the most surprised look he’d ever seen on the other boy’s face. It was kind of adorable to see Haru so flustered for once, and as a bonus, he didn’t seem to be upset or weirded out by anything. Makoto allowed himself a moment to feel good about that before the smile on his face slipped away. “And… I would have loved to spend the rest of my life like this, with you.” 

Haru blinked, his brain finally up to speed with everything, and was trying to register what Makoto had just said. “‘Would have’?” 

The taller boy took a breath, allowing his head to fall just a little, and swallowed. “Before we left home, I had a doctor’s appointment. I was having a lot of pain in my leg, and it was starting to scare me. A lot.” 

_ Oh no _ . Haru felt the breath catch in his throat, and he shook his head, not wanting to believe what Makoto was about to say. He couldn’t believe it. Not right now. Not when things were finally starting to feel like this. Not Makoto. 

“They did a CAT scan just to be sure, and…” He stopped there, his voice wobbling, and Haru could see tears in the brunette’s eyes. “I’m  _ dying _ , Haru. I’m dying. And no amount of chemo, or encouragements or anything is gonna save me this time.” 

Haru’s shoulders fell and he finally was able to let out a breath. Not him, oh god, not him. Not Makoto. He was healthy! He had been in remission and he was  _ healthy!  _ Makoto was supposed to be the one out of the two of them that made it to see their twenties. “So that’s why your leg’s been hurting so much.” 

“My leg.” Makoto confirmed. “And my arms, ribs, and everything else. It’s everywhere.” 

“There’s nothing they can do?” 

“No. It’s spreading so fast, they’d never be able to catch it all in time.” He admitted. “But I don’t… I don’t want to ruin tonight with… anything. I wanted this to be fun.” 

“I think this is a little bit more important than fun.” 

“Maybe. But still.” Makoto stood up then and pulled off his shirt, dropping it to the ground beside his shoes. He then unbuckled his pants and slid out of them, and was left standing in front of Haru in nothing but his underwear. Haru was sure that his ears were pink again, but he couldn’t see from where he was sitting.  

Makoto eased himself to the ground and sat near Haru again, his eyes focused on his prosthetic, and slid out of it. He carefully propped it up against his clothes, and, with one more look to the other boy, scooted to the edge of the pool, and pushed himself into the water. 

Makoto yelped when he surfaced, still unused to the temperature, and took a few quick, cold breaths, to steady himself, and then dove again. Even with one leg and being away from it for several years, he still swam like an athlete. Haru sat there watching him, longing to be in with him as he moved through the water. 

On his way back, Makoto stopped swimming so hard, and just allowed himself to float for a few moments. His eyes were shut as he finally made his way back to Haru, and the dark haired boy had seen enough. He got to his feet and shucked off his pants, letting them fall into a messy pile at the very edge of the pool. He then carefully removed the tubes from his nose, and hooked them around the top of his oxygen tank before removing his shirt and letting it fall near his pants. He could already tell a difference in his breathing, and he knew he couldn’t do this for long, but he wasn’t allowing Makoto to have all the fun tonight. 

Haru slowly sank into the water, a gasp escaping his lips at the temperature, but tried to keep his breaths as even as possible so his lungs wouldn’t freak out on him. He knew doing this was stupid, but for once, he really, really didn’t care about any of it. Gently, he let himself sink even deeper into the water, and lifted his legs gently off the bottom of the pool.

Once he was floating, he made his way over to Makoto, and startled the other boy when he realized who was next to him. “H-Haru, you shouldn’t be in here!” He said, eyes scanning the side of the pool for his oxygen tank. 

“It’s okay.” Haru promised, hoping to get him to relax a little. “I’m okay.” He took a breath, hoping Makoto didn’t see him struggle a little, but insisted again that everything was alright. After another moment, Makoto relaxed again, and the two floated side by side, staring up at the moon through the windows above them. 

He was able to do one full go around the pool before he needed to get hooked back up to his oxygen, and felt a little better once he was able to breathe a little easier again. Makoto was still floating in front of him, apologizing for not insisting that he get out sooner, but Haru brushed him off. “It was worth it.” 

“Haru…” He started. “I.. understand if, when we get home, you want to back off. I wouldn’t blame you for it.” 

“Why would I do that?” 

“Because - Well,  _ because.  _ This isn’t gonna get better.” 

“What makes you think I care?” 

That stopped Makoto dead in his tracks and he stared, wide eyed at Haru, unable to come up with a response. That wasn’t at all what he expected to hear Haru say, though he guessed he should have expected it from him. “Well, I--” 

“Makoto…” Haru motioned for the other boy to come closer, and when he did, Haru helped him stand. “You’re not the only one who fell in love this summer, you know.” Without another word, he leaned in, tilting the brunette’s face up just a little so he could kiss him, and the taller boy melted into him. Haru’s hands found their way up into Makoto’s hair, grabbing onto any bit of it that would stay in his fingers. 

“Haru--” Makoto started, pulling back. “I can’t do this to you."

“It's okay.” He insisted, pressing his lips to the other boy’s again. 

“You know how this is gonna end.” 

“I don’t care.” When they finally broke apart, Haru’s lips found Makoto’s forehead, and he pressed a gentle, lingering kiss to the skin, not wanting to let the taller boy slip away from him so fast. 

Makoto lifted himself up out of the pool, and sat next to Haru, water steadily dripping off of his skin and hair and creating puddles around him on the concrete. “So what now?” 

“Well, tonight we go back to the hotel, and tomorrow we wake up, and do all of this again. And then we go home, and do the same things we always do. Except just a little different. But as for right now…” Haru gently took the taller boy’s chin in his hand, turning his head just a little so he could kiss him again. 

  
  


The boys redressed and shared one more quick kiss before taking off for the gym so they could meet back up with the others and head back. Makoto climbed in the back seat with Haru on the way home, his arm wrapped around the dark-haired boy, and thanked the others for everything when they got back to the hotel. The two headed inside the room and said hello to Mrs. Nanase before heading into their bathrooms to wash the chlorine out of their hair. 

  
  


Haru climbed into bed after his shower and lay there in the dark thinking about everything Makoto had told him. He meant what he’d said to the taller boy after his confession; he really didn’t care about how this ended, because it would be better to know Makoto, and love him and then lose him, than to never know anything like what he was feeling right now. Makoto was worth the pain he’d feel in the end. He was worth every second of heartache that Haru knew was waiting for him. 

He would, no matter what happened, never regret falling in love with Makoto Tachibana. 

~~~~

~~~~

The rest of the trip went by without either of them mentioning Makoto’s condition again. The brunette, it seemed, felt guilty about telling Haru the truth, and Haru just didn’t want to think about it until they got home. Kisumi and Asahi both knew, and seemed both relieved and a bit sad that Haru had been told, too. 

Mrs. Nanase still didn’t know, and Haru didn’t plan on telling her until they got home. He didn’t want to make things more uncomfortable for Makoto than they already seemed to be, even though he really, really wanted to talk to someone about it. 

It appeared that nobody at home knew yet, either, and before they’d gone back to the hotel that night, Makoto asked if Haru would be there when he explained. 

Haru, of course, said he would, and squeezed the other boy’s hand reassuringly. 

The boys spent their remaining days with the others at the pool, though Asahi had insisted that they get out and do a few different things after his practice ended. They spent some time wandering around Sydney, or down by the water, or being taken off for surprise trips by the others. It all seemed like a blur to Haru that left him exhausted by the end of the day, but he still had a blast being with everyone. 

  
  


All too soon, though, it was time to head back home, and the guys spent their final day away from the pool entirely. Phone numbers, social medias, and even emails were exchanged, and Kisumi promised that he and Asahi would try to visit before… Well, just before. 

Their things were packed and shoved into the trunk of a taxi, and the three were headed off to the airport. 

While they waited at the gate for the flight, Haru stood by one of the vast windows looking out at the city, and let out a breath. So much had happened on this trip, in just a week, and none of it seemed real to him just yet. Not the cancer, not the kiss, nothing. It all felt like a dream still, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to wake up. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw someone walking up beside him, looking out at the city. “Hey.” Makoto. 

“It’s been a crazy week, hasn’t it?” 

“It has.” The brunette agreed. “It’ll be so different when we get home.” 

“Well,” Haru started, reaching out to take the other’s hand. “Not  _ everything  _ has to be different.” 

“Haru--” 

Haru turned, looking up at Makoto with a stern, honest look on his face, and shook his head. “I meant what I said: I don’t care how this is gonna end. I love you, and I’d rather have my heart broken in the end than to not take whatever time we have left and have  _ this.”  _ He squeezed the other boy’s hand, taking advantage of his shock and continued. “I do not regret falling for you, Makoto. Nothing will ever make me regret that. And the sooner you accept it, the better.”

Makoto had no idea what to say to that. He hadn’t expected to hear that coming from anybody, let alone Haru. He closed his mouth, and gave a tiny nod of his head, and said. “Okay.” 

“Okay. Good.” 

~~~~~~

The flights home weren’t nearly as rough on Makoto. He knew a bit more of what to expect this time, and seemed a tad more relaxed once they were in the air and ready to settle in for the trip back. Haru once again let him take the window seat, and for the first half hour, his eyes were glued to it, taking in the rapidly shrinking continent below them, and the vast expanse of ocean out ahead. 

  
  


They arrived back home very early the next morning, and much to their surprise, everyone was there waiting for them. Mr. Nanase, Nagisa, Rei, Momo, Aiichiro, and Gou, along with another redhead that Haru assumed must have been Momo’s older brother, Seijuro. Exhausted though they were, the boys were gladly enveloped by their friends, promising to catch them up on everything once they’d gotten home and gotten some sleep. They all spoke for a few moments outside the airport before Mr. and Mrs. Nanase came back with the car, and the boys said goodbye and got in. 

They stopped by Makoto’s place first and Haru, wanting to have a moment alone with the taller boy, offered to help get his things back inside. Makoto went up first, quietly unlocked the front door, and held it open for Haru. They headed down the stairs to the brunette’s bedroom, and Haru was pleased to see the cat, Artemis, still lively and playful as ever. “I’m glad your parents let you keep her.” he said. 

“Yeah, after Ren and Ran started getting attached, they knew they were overruled, so she’s allowed to stay.” He said, scratching the kitten under her chin. Makoto sat down on the edge of his bed and lay back, a painful, exhausted grunt falling from his mouth as he did so. It was quiet for a moment or so, and when the taller boy didn’t answer his question, Haru guessed that he’d fallen asleep. 

Haru turned to go, but a couple scraps of paper lying on Makoto’s desk stopped him. He thought he saw a familiar name scrawled across the top, and went to look. He picked it up, checking once more to see if Makoto really  _ was  _ asleep, and his heart stopped when he read what was on it. 

_ Rin Matsouka  _ scrawed right there in Gou’s messy handwriting, followed by a number, an email, and a few other ways to contact him. This must have been the note Gou had written for him all that time ago. This must have been why Makoto had been so secretive about it. 

His eyes scanned over the other piece, and found the name of the pool in Sydney, and directions to an apartment. He could only assume who’s it was. 

So Rin trained at the same pool as Asahi, then. But why did Makoto have all of this stuff? 

Unless…. 

Maybe Kisumi hadn’t been who they were supposed to meet up with originally.

Haru swallowed, putting the paper back on Makoto’s desk before turning and leaving the room. He hurried out the door and climbed into the back seat of his mother’s car, his mind whirling with all of this new information. 

Makoto had been in contact with Rin. 

Rin was in Sydney. 

He couldn’t think of any other reason for Makoto to have all of that unless Rin was the brunette’s contact after all. 

Haru leaned his head against the window, his stomach in knots as he tried to make sense of all of everything. He knew he’d have to ask Makoto about it eventually, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to.  _ Why  _ Makoto had it all in the first place confused him - he couldn’t have been planning this that far in advance, could he? Haru didn’t think so. But why else? 

What else was Makoto hiding? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have nothing else to say except I'm sorry.
> 
>  
> 
> In case I don't see anybody before then, HAVE HAPPY HOLIDAYS, EVERYONE!! :D


End file.
